DEAR ABBY: I have been working through major anxiety issues with a therapist for the last few months. Sometimes he is very helpful; other times he goes off on tangents, talking about topics I don't feel the need to discuss (and things that don't necessarily pertain to me). I find it frustrating, and at times, it makes me angry (although I keep that to myself). How can I keep my therapist on track? Or, how can I break up with him without just ghosting him? -- WANTS TO MAKE REAL CHANGES

DEAR WANTS: As a patient, you are in a vulnerable position. Many times a patient will feel hesitant to tell a therapist that a line of conversation seems uncomfortable or irrelevant. However, because it is uncomfortable you should not let that stop you. Your therapist may explain to you why he is pursuing the issues. You can then accept or reject the explanation. If you continue to feel uncomfortable after that, you can "disengage" via a letter or a phone call. Ghosting is the coward's way out, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know how to refer to the man I love. We are both older and have been living together for years. Introducing him as my "boyfriend" makes me feel like a kid in a short-term relationship. I can't use "husband" because we get our full benefits being single. (If we marry, we could lose half our income.)

I tried "partner," but people assumed I was speaking of a business partner or a same-sex partner. "Lover" comes across as an extramarital affair. There has to be another word for a couple who lives together for years, like in a marriage, but who cannot marry. -- UNCLASSIFIED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNCLASSIFIED: You might refer to the gentleman as your honey, your sweetheart, your loved one or spouse -- or simply by his name. Most of the people with whom you are speaking probably know you live together, and if they are new acquaintances, there is no requirement that you explain your marital or financial situation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants a puppy. He is almost 75 and plays golf four days a week. I'm 70 and work four days a week. I also do lots of volunteer work, which I enjoy.

I not only do not want the responsibility of a pet, but I also feel that a pet is a family member. It will need more attention than my husband has time to give, not to mention the time, effort and consistency needed to train a puppy. Our neighbor has a dog that my sweet hubby can play with every day if he wants to. Please help me. -- RETIRED PET LOVER IN LOUISIANA

DEAR PET LOVER: If your sweet hubby feels the need to pet and cuddle a puppy, tell him he can do so at the local shelter. Then suggest that if he wants to adopt a dog, it should be an older one from a shelter or rescue group. If he does, you stand a better chance of winding up with a pet that is already trained and housebroken, and the responsibility for educating it won't fall on your shoulders.

DEAR ABBY: I have some bad memories connected with my mother, who was physically abusive. It wasn't consistent, but sometimes she would lose it, and I was beaten quite badly a few times. It weighs on my mind intermittently, and I want to have a conversation with her about it. Then I remind myself that it occurred more than 40 years ago.

I'm 48 now, and she's 74, and it would probably make her extremely upset. Because I'm an adult, shouldn't I be able to process this on my own? I'm inclined to let it go, but it still pops up in my thoughts. Any advice? -- FLASHBACKS IN THE EAST

DEAR FLASHBACKS: You are a survivor of sometimes serious physical abuse. There are no "shoulds" when survivorship is involved. If you feel the need to talk this through with your mother, then do exactly that because you are entitled. She may not want to hear what you have to say, but unless she's on her deathbed, she should be strong enough to withstand a frank conversation. However, before you approach her, I suggest you first talk with a therapist who is licensed and experienced in counseling victims of abuse.

DEAR ABBY: I own a hair salon and love my job. I make a determined effort not to bring my problems to work, to be positive and not gossip. Unfortunately, my clients don't always return the favor.

I understand people need a sounding board, but it's exhausting to hear about every ache, pain and bruise as well as other negative tidbits. How do I tactfully let these people know my shoulders are only so broad, and their complaints are wearing me down? -- PULLING MY HAIR OUT IN IDAHO

DEAR PULLING YOUR HAIR OUT: I urge you to resist the temptation. "Hairdresser as Confidant and Confessor" has been in existence since the cosmetology profession started. If your clients need to get something off their shoulders (besides their tresses), give them the gift of a willing ear. This is so important that in some communities hairdressers are being taught the signs of domestic abuse and where to refer the victims.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a teenager who has lived in Boston and a few other places. Now I live in Utah. My two Boston friends were just out here visiting, but they are gone now. I have "friends" here, but they bully me. They make fun of me and call me dumb, or say that I never seem to do the right thing. I have pulled back from them, and I now realize I really have no friends. What do I do? Help! -- BULLIED IN UTAH

DEAR BULLIED: Friends don't treat friends the way those individuals treated you, so be glad they are out of your life. Making friends requires putting yourself out there. Consider participating in sports or extracurricular activities, if they are offered at school or in your community. If there are youth clubs, see if any of them interest you. If your family has joined a church, inquire about youth activities you can join. If you do, I predict that in a very short time, you'll be friendless no more.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to the love of my life ("Tom"), and I dread making the guest list for our wedding. I don't want any of my cousins there. The young ones are rude and obnoxious, and the one who's an adult I no longer talk to. I asked my mom what to do. She said if we invite any kids, then we must invite all of them.

We would like my fiance's young nieces and nephews to be in the wedding party. Tom said he isn't inviting anyone he doesn't want there. A few family members invited me to their weddings because my parents were invited, but I don't feel I know them well enough to invite them to mine, although one couple was kind enough to get us an engagement present. I want to be nice, but I don't want any nonsense. Please help. -- TORN IN THE EAST

DEAR TORN: Your mother has the right idea. Listen to her. Weddings can bring families together, but they can also do the opposite. The relatives you are thinking of excluding are the children of your parents' siblings. If you don't know them well, be gracious. Should you snub them while including your fiance's nieces and nephews, word will get back to them -- trust me on that -- and the negative repercussions could last for many years and affect not just you but also your parents.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a large company that handles calls from all around the U.S. It amazes me how many people call and don't realize we can't hear them when their TV is blaring, their kids are screaming or their dogs are barking.

My plea to callers: Please choose a quiet, uninterrupted time so we can help you. Also, we are able to hear you when you are using the bathroom during your call, and that includes every little sound you are making. It's not pleasant, thank you very much!

And when we ask you for your mailing address, try to remember that we are not around the block from you. Give us your entire address, including the ZIP code, because lots of states have towns with the same names. And oh, by the way, when you're eating that snack, the crunching and bag crumpling are like explosions in our ears.

Please help us to help you when you call, and be courteous. We are regular people just like you. -- HERE TO HELP YOU

DEAR HERE TO HELP: I hear you loud and clear, and so do my readers. I'm printing your letter because sometimes "regular people" just need to be reminded.

DEAR ABBY: I have a preteen daughter, and for the last couple of years we have read Hanukkah books and lit the menorah, always saying the prayers. We are not Jewish, but I want her to be tolerant of all religions and cultures. Is this disrespectful to the Jewish community? -- LOVE TO ALL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOVE: I don't think so. As long as you're celebrating, because Hanukkah lasts eight days, give your daughter a little gift each night so she can enjoy all the benefits of the holiday while she's at it.