DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for six years, and we've been together for 10. We bought a house a few years ago, and since then our sex life has significantly decreased. I know the stress of being homeowners hasn't helped our situation, and over the last year I have felt like I'm falling out of love.

A few weeks ago, I ran into a man I dated before my husband, and there was a spark between us that neither of us can deny. He broke my heart years ago, but I can't shake this feeling of wanting -- needing -- to be with him. I can't get him off my mind.

I hate the idea of breaking my husband's heart, but I also don't want to lose the chance to see what could be with my old flame. How can I come out of this on top? I'm terrified that I may have signed on to spend my life with someone who isn't my soul mate. -- AT A CROSSROADS IN N.C.

DEAR CROSSROADS: May I introduce a dose of sobriety? The man who broke your heart years ago is capable of doing it again.

After 10 years have passed, the chances are he, too, is married. If you pursue this, there will be collateral damage. No one, including you, will come out "on top" because someone always pays the price. You and your husband need to figure out why things changed after you bought that house and deal with it. If you do, it may improve your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My grandfather has been put on a pedestal as the pillar of our family. Everyone except me adores him. I can barely stomach him. He's a racist and a sexist, and he abused my grandmother to her dying day. He now abuses his current wife. He has made her cry many times, but she still continues to cater to and worship him.

Whenever I bring up his issues, family members say it doesn't matter, and he deserves respect no matter how he acts. When I'm around him, I remain polite and respectful. However, I feel no love for him and have no desire to spend more time with him than I absolutely have to. Am I a terrible person? -- UNCERTAIN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Not at all. You are simply someone who has a lower tolerance for racism, sexism and people who abuse others than the rest of your family.

DEAR ABBY: I understand that a person should stay home when he or she is sick in order to avoid spreading the illness to others. However, if you have plans with a friend, and your brother or sister has the flu but you have NOT gotten sick yet, is it your responsibility to warn your friend that you have been exposed? Should you cancel plans? I mean, what's the considerate thing to do in this situation? -- CAREFUL IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CAREFUL: In a case like this, full disclosure is imperative. If you know you have been exposed to a contagious illness and may be carrying the bug, the considerate thing to do would be to tell your friend so the person has the choice of whether to opt out.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has lost a significant amount of weight over a very short period of time. He isn't on drugs and eats well. I have begged him to see a doctor. He has come up with a variety of excuses and reasons why he has lost the weight. First it was because he was stressed at work. Then it was because he was stressed at home. Now he says he just needs to eat and exercise more, but he's "SOOO busy," but he'll start eventually.

It has become a problem for several reasons. One, all the church ladies have concluded that I don't cook at home (which I do). Two, he looks so ill and malnourished that people are asking me if he is on drugs (he has been tested at work, and this is not the case). Three, friends and family are deeply concerned but scared to approach him about his health because he swears he feels fine and is actually doing wonderfully.

Abby, I love my husband. He's a good man, although he can sometimes be stubborn and closed-minded. I'm terrified that he's dying of cancer and he's going to leave me a single mom. I can no longer discuss the subject of weight with him because he gets extremely defensive and says I should just give him time to get back to how he was. How long do I give him? It has been 10 months. I'm afraid if this goes on any longer, it will put a strain on our relationship that won't be easily fixed by just talking it out. -- ALARMED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ALARMED: Some people foolishly avoid going to the doctor because they are afraid of what they will hear. You should be alarmed because your husband's sudden, unexplained, prolonged weight loss can be a symptom of a life-threatening illness.

This is not a question of how or how well you cook (bless those church ladies!), or whether your husband is on drugs. It is a question of you alerting his doctor, explaining what's going on and possibly saving his life. If he won't listen to reason, put it in terms of him being alive long enough to see his child/children into adulthood. But if he still won't listen to reason, then all you can do is make sure his affairs are in order in case the worst happens.

DEAR ABBY: I am about to be shipped off to basic training for the Army, and I have heard many horror stories about military spouses cheating while their significant other is away. Any advice on how to make sure my relationship doesn't end up like that? Do you think she will cheat? -- WONDERING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WONDERING: Having never met your significant other, I have no way of guessing whether she will cheat on you -- just as I can't predict if the reverse will be true. But this I do know: Communication is the key to overcoming the physical distance. Writing and Skyping as often as you can to share what's going on will keep you from drifting apart.

Will there be more temptations while you're separated? Probably. That's true for both of you. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with this person -- or anyone -- you should be confident that she's trustworthy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old mom of two girls who has been single for five years. In that time, I've dated a few men, but haven't found one who fulfills my "wish list."

The last man I was interested in seemed like he had possibilities. There was a strong mutual attraction. We spent a lot of time together, went on dates and were physically intimate. However, because of his recent divorce and subsequent emotional struggles, it became apparent that we wouldn't work out in the long term. It was disappointing, but we are still good friends and talk daily.

In the meantime, I have begun dating a very nice 48-year-old man with whom I have a lot in common. He's very successful professionally, and we get along well. He is also very attracted to me. If things continue to go well and it develops into a long-term relationship, I have no doubt he would provide a very comfortable life for my children and me.

The problem is, I'm not very attracted to him. He's a nice, normal-looking man, but if I passed him on the street, I wouldn't give him a second glance. I continue to see him because it seems we may be compatible, and I enjoy spending time with him, but is it wrong to be disappointed that I don't feel "fireworks"?

This may seem shallow, but after feeling so much chemistry with a man I was madly attracted to, it's difficult to be in this position. It's next to impossible to find someone who possesses every single quality I want, especially because I live in a small town, and I am likely not going to match everything on his list either. How do I break down these barriers that I'm putting in front of him? -- NO SPARKS IN OREGON

DEAR NO SPARKS: I can't guarantee this will work, but a giant step in the right direction might be to stop talking every day with the man you are so attracted to. Although he appears to be over you, you do not appear to have him completely out of your system. Until that happens, no one is going to measure up.

DEAR ABBY: I was born in the mountains of western North Carolina, but I have been obsessed with the beach since I was a toddler. I am an empty nester and retired. Soon my husband and I would like to move to Florida for the warmer climate and to ease our ocean-obsessed souls. The problem is, I am heartbroken to leave my mother. She's getting older, and we are very close.

She has given me her blessing, as she knows the winters here make me miserable physically and mentally. The thing is, I will miss her terribly. We can video chat and visit often, but I can't shake my guilt over leaving her.

My brother lives close by and will take care of her if she needs anything (she lives independently) and keep her company, and she does have a friend she spends time with also. Am I being unreasonable? Or am I being completely selfish? It just feels wrong to leave her. -- TORTURED DAUGHTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TORTURED: Your mother has given you her blessing to move. Take her up on it with a light heart. And during the winter months, invite her to come and stay with you if she wishes. That way you won't have to feel guilty, and she might enjoy the warmer weather.