DEAR ABBY: I am a 67-year-old divorced mother of five and grandmother of eight. My marriage to the father of my first four children ended 30 years ago because he was physically and emotionally abusive. After the divorce, I managed to put myself through college, and I am now a retired teacher. I also remarried, which resulted in having one more child, a beautiful daughter who is now 27. My second husband is now deceased.

My first husband remarried soon after our divorce, and I always supported our grown children having a close relationship with him. What hurts me deeply, though, is that whenever there is a family event that includes all of us, my children from my first marriage act like my youngest daughter and I don't exist.

At the last family gathering, at my oldest daughter's home, I was treated like a stranger. I felt like crying as my older children sat, ate and talked with my ex-husband and his wife. Abby, I have always been there for my kids, through sickness and financial hardships. My ex has a great deal more money to spend on them than I do. I suspect this may be the reason they cater to him. How do I cope with my feelings of rejection and being snubbed by them? -- HURT MOM IN THE WEST

DEAR HURT MOM: You aren't going to change the "family" dynamic at this late stage. Rather than sit silently, struggling to hold back the tears as your older children slather their father with attention, consider socializing with them separately as often as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I have been attending yoga class for several years and find it to be very beneficial mentally and physically. Recently, I started taking classes at a new studio with lovely teachers and -- mostly -- great students.

One individual, though, seems to think the class is his own social event. He over-chants "ohm" and moans loudly throughout the class. Would it be rude to say something to him, or should I just find another studio? It's gotten to the point where the entire purpose of relaxing and clearing my mind is impossible. -- MENTALLY DRAINED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DRAINED: Do not address the over-chanter directly. Instead, discuss your concerns with the teacher because you may not be the only participant who finds the person's vocalizations to be a distraction. Or, consider attending another class that is held at a different hour if there is one.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend is having a party and has invited my ex-boyfriend. He broke up with me a few months ago and already has a new girlfriend. He totally broke my heart, and I have been a mess ever since. She thinks it was OK to invite him, and she knows he will most likely bring his new girlfriend to her house for the party. I told her I'm not going if he goes, and she's still inviting him! Should I stop being friends with her? How should I handle this? -- NOT OK IN THE NORTH

DEAR NOT OK: Because seeing your ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend would be too painful for you, handle it by not attending the party. As to whether you should stop being best friends with the hostess, it appears that she may have stopped being best friends with you.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I are both male and 25. We've been friends since third grade. We were apart for four years of college and two years after because we were employed in different states. He has now been transferred and lives and works a few miles from where I do. We see each other frequently and often double date.

He recently shared a secret after pledging me to secrecy. He's a cross-dresser. He says he's not gay, and I believe him. He has pictures he had taken professionally in which he is completely feminine and even beautiful. He says he has been dressing up since the age of 12.

Abby, he wants to go out in public with me as a couple. Even though he is small and would easily pass, I'm just not into it. And what explanation would I give to my girlfriend? He says if I won't, I'm not a true friend; I say he isn't. Is there any way to resolve this? -- TESTED IN TAMPA

DEAR TESTED: There is a way, provided your friend is open to it. How about you and he and your girlfriend going out together? Of course, your girlfriend would have to know the truth, and your friend would have to be OK with her knowing. This way if you were seen with "another woman," it wouldn't cause conflict with the woman you're dating. That said, you should not do anything you are uncomfortable with, so think carefully before deciding.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a relationship with a woman 25 years my junior. We talked at length about some of the issues we might encounter before we embarked on a relationship. We love each other completely. Her father, however, strongly disapproves based solely on our age difference. He has stated that he had no issues with me personally.

She recently told me that she isn't happy and she wants us to spend some time apart. Neither of her two marriages worked out. She says I'm not the issue.

She wants to be with me, but her father would shun her -- and me -- if we were ever to be in the same room. He has actually said he'd walk out if I were present. She told me he was this way with her first marriage, which he did not approve of.

What do I do? I love her, but I can't get her to see how much I love and care for her and her two boys. How much space should I give her to figure herself out? -- TORN UP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TORN UP: The woman you love may be twice divorced, but she isn't free. She is firmly under her father's thumb. The age difference is the least of your worries.

Regardless of your feelings for her, because she says she is no longer happy with you, it's time to make a U-turn. And when you do, suggest that if she wants to have a future with anyone, it will happen sooner if she starts talking with a licensed therapist about her relationship with dear old Dad. She will never have a life of her own while he's running it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a smartphone, and I love its convenience. I check my email, texts and voicemail three or four times a day and always try to respond promptly. But I do not carry my phone with me every moment of the day.

Some family members insist that the polite thing to do is to return a text message or voicemail IMMEDIATELY. They carry their phones with them and constantly interrupt whatever they are involved with to answer the phone, send a text, etc.

For my birthday, one relative gave me a little pouch on a string so I could wear my phone around my neck wherever I went because she texted me one day early in the afternoon saying she wanted to drop by, but I didn't see or respond to it until dinner time. Is making oneself available every moment of the day and night now required for good manners? -- NOT A PHONE ADDICT

DEAR NOT AN ADDICT: Of course not! A cellphone is not supposed to be a leash. Your relative has become hooked on the concept of instant gratification, which isn't healthy for either of you. If you humor her, your cellphone will become an annoying and unending inconvenience for you. Do not take the bait.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently purchased a truck for our farm. It's old and in poor shape, but it was worth the $2,000 he paid for it.

The truck was fine until my father used it to pick me and my siblings up from school. When the other kids saw the bumperless truck, they began calling my little brother "Farmer Boy" and made cow noises at us. My mother isn't OK with it either. He picked her up from work in it, which embarrassed her in front of her co-workers.

It's not like we don't have other vehicles. Both my parents have nice, functional cars. Abby, please help me figure out a way to tell my dad without hurting his feelings. -- FREAKED OUT IN FRANKFORT, KY.

DEAR FREAKED OUT: People should not be judged because of the clothes they wear or the vehicles they drive, but sometimes they are by shallow people who should know better. I think you could get your message across by telling your father how your brother's classmates reacted when they saw him pick up your brother. What they did was cruel. Leave it up to your mother to tell him she felt embarrassed in front of her co-workers. I'm sure she can get the message across.

DEAR ABBY: My wife was sexually active with a classmate in high school. Their relationship lasted until shortly before we were married, 54 years ago. I have often wondered what he did to make her so willing to come to his bed. Perhaps if I knew, I could enhance her pleasure in our lovemaking. However, such information might be injurious to our relationship. What is your take on this? I think about this several times each day. -- OBSESSED IN THE WEST

DEAR OBSESSED: You have, I hope, been happily married for more than half a century. Has it never occurred to you that her high school romance failed because the sex wasn't that great? If you want to ask your wife at this late date if there is anything you can do to enhance her enjoyment of your lovemaking, by all means do. But do not frame it the way you did to me.