DEAR ABBY: I am a college freshman. I have decided I want to get a job so I can support myself and pay half the rent in the apartment my mom resides in.

I have always been shy because I don't really know how to talk to people. Every interview I go on, I never get a callback. How do I get connected at school and manage a job? How can I have more confidence in myself for job interviews? -- CLUELESS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CLUELESS: People convey confidence by looking others in the eye when they talk to them and being conscious of good posture. When you apply for your next job -- one you think you would be suited for -- write down and memorize five reasons why the company would be lucky to have you. Recite them for the interviewer, and this, too, will convey confidence.

If you are not hired, rather than blame yourself, accept that there's a lot of competition out there, so don't beat yourself up if you don't receive an offer from every company you apply to. Ask interviewers who don't hire you what you can do better. Practice makes perfect. Each interview should get easier.

As to getting connected at school, join special interest groups that you have time for between your study and work schedule. Your time may be limited, but these groups offer an opportunity to meet new people with whom you have a common interest.

DEAR ABBY: One of the things I taught my children was to write thank-you notes or, at least, verbally thank someone for a gift or nicety. My 30-year-old son calls to thank us when we send him gifts and when we provide meals or lodging when they stay with us. His soon-to-be fiancee, however, has never once uttered or written the word "thank you" for anything we have done for her. Perhaps she was raised by wolves.

I like the girl, but this really irritates me. How can I get the idea across to her without causing a rift? Should I talk to my son about it? I'm about at the point where I will no longer send her any gifts. Maybe I should send her your booklet about how to write letters. -- UNTHANKED IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNTHANKED: Your son's fiancee-to-be may not have been raised by wolves as much as brought up by parents who were possibly ignorant of the social graces. Because this bothers you to the degree it does, discuss your feelings with your son rather than confront her. And please, rethink your idea of sending her my Letters booklet because, under the circumstances, it would be mean-spirited and likely not well-received.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is obsessed with dieting and working out. She and her husband often talk about other people's looks (whether they need to lose weight or not).

I had a baby four months ago and have about 15 pounds to lose before I'll be back to my pre-pregnancy weight. She has told me several times now that I need to work out. I don't know what to say because her comments are hurtful. We are fairly close, so I'd prefer to confront her myself instead of asking my husband to do it. What should I say the next time she says this? -- BABY WEIGHT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BABY WEIGHT: Tell her (sweetly) that you know she means well, but that you would prefer not to discuss it at this time. It's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I was happily married with three daughters until I found out I had fathered a son two years before I married my wife. The news was a shock to us all. That information was kept from me for 13 years, and my wife is having a hard time dealing with the situation. We were dating at the time it happened.

I have been trying to do the right thing and involve my son in my life. My wife was all for it, but every now and then something triggers her emotions and she goes off. She throws the word "divorce" at me when she's upset. I don't want to have to go through this every couple of months. I love my wife and my family dearly and want to reiterate this did not happen during our marriage. My son is 13, and this is not his fault. The mother said she didn't tell me at the time because she was afraid, since I was involved with someone else. Later on, when he started asking questions, she told him she had no idea how to get in touch with me.

No one knows what is going on right now except my wife. I haven't even told my daughters or the rest of my family (siblings, mother, etc.) yet. Any advice would be a blessing. We are a Christian family. -- COPING IN THE EAST

DEAR COPING: Instead of keeping this a deep, dark, shameful secret, you and your wife should now sit down with your family (parents, siblings, etc.) and tell them what you have learned. When you do, make clear that you intend to treat the boy as a full-fledged family member and expect them to follow suit. Your daughters should be told beforehand about the existence of their half-brother. Your wife should try to make every effort to welcome the boy into the fold during visitation. If she is having trouble handling her emotions, a licensed marriage and family therapist rather than a divorce lawyer may be able to help her.

DEAR ABBY: I have always been nice and respectful to my in�-laws. I see them on every holiday and birthday and in between, and buy them nice gifts. For some reason, they treat my husband's brother's family very differently than ours. They give them extravagant gifts that cost hundreds of dollars and hand them extra gift cards in front of us. They also treat our children and their cousins differently. As my children get older, I know they will notice.

My husband is very independent. He acts like it doesn't bother him, but I know in his heart it does. We both have respected professions, keep an immaculate home and try our best to be great parents and family members. How do I accept this inequity and not let it bother me? I know I can't change them. -- RANKED LOWER IN FLORIDA

DEAR RANKED LOWER: You and your husband are successful people. You do not have to accept the treatment your family has received from your in-laws. You are absolutely correct that your children will begin to notice the disparity in the way they are treated by their grandparents. Continue to be kind and respectful, but see them far less often, and never on occasions when gifts are exchanged.

DEAR ABBY: A new co-worker started a few weeks ago. (FYI, I'm a gay man.) We share similar interests and have a lot in common. As I am getting to know him, I have become increasingly attracted to him and his personality. My joking around with him is borderline flirtatious. He hasn't said anything about it or shown signs of being uncomfortable, and he jokes back.

Should I tell him how I feel, risking our professional relationship and things becoming awkward if he doesn't feel the same way? Or should I back off for a while? I don't know what to do. I honestly feel like we have a connection, but I have been out of the dating scene for a long while and therefore am ... -- CLUELESS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CLUELESS: This person has been working with you for a very short time, which is why I'm urging you to put the brakes on. Let the relationship develop for a few months. Your co-worker may already be involved with someone or may not be gay. If he is spoken for, do not risk your job by making any moves. However, if he isn't, then it wouldn't be out of line to ask him to join you for coffee, lunch -- something innocuous -- as friends only, and then see where it leads. I view workplace romances as potentially dangerous, because if they don't work out, they can cause discomfort in the workplace. And some companies have rules against "fraternization."

DEAR ABBY: My significant other and I recently bought an old farmhouse. We have been together for five years and have a great relationship. He has his quirks, just as I have mine, but one in particular has surfaced since buying the house. He stomps going up and down the three flights of stairs. It's annoying and rude. If I head to bed early, it wakes me up. He claims he can't help it. What can I do? The steps are wood and have thin carpeting on them. Am I being a nagging partner? -- SICK OF STOMPING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR S.O.S.: You're not being a nagging partner. It appears you need thicker carpeting on the stairs. For the sake of your relationship, buy it SOON.

DEAR ABBY: The other day I had to leave my house in the morning because my son's school called. He wasn't feeling well and wanted to come home. I just threw on what I had worn the day before as I headed out the door. On the way out to my car, my neighbor yelled out, "Isn't that the same outfit you wore yesterday?" I didn't answer because I thought it was none of her business. Should I have explained the situation? -- IN A HURRY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IN A HURRY: You were not obligated to explain anything to your neighbor -- who may have just been trying to be friendly, or may be overly interested in your attire. Unless her intrusiveness escalates, let it go!

P.S.: I hope your son is OK.