DEAR ABBY: Our college-age daughter has been withdrawn and depressed for some time. During a recent visit, after asking her several times what was wrong, encouraging her to continue counseling and expressing general concern for her, I finally asked her (again) if she was gay. She broke down and said she was.

She seems conflicted by it, relieved we didn't disown her (she has friends whose parents dropped them), but she still seems very distant. I thought once the burden of coming out was off her shoulders she would be happier, but she barely spoke to us the last day she was here. We both told her we love her, hugged her and, although shocked by her revelation, we are trying to come to terms with her being gay.

We are not perfect but feel we are doing all we can. She still seems depressed and withdrawn. What can we do to help her? I am more upset about her shutting us out than her being gay. I have been in tears thinking our daughter dropped us and doesn't want us around. She doesn't want the rest of the family to know yet. This is confusing for us, too. Help! -- HURTING FOR OUR DAUGHTER

DEAR HURTING: Because someone comes out to a parent does not mean that all the person's problems magically disappear. Your daughter may suffer from chronic depression that has nothing to do with her sexual orientation. That you have encouraged her to continue with counseling is appropriate. Badgering her to come out to you may have been less so.

Your daughter will have to find her own way in the journey to explore and accept who she is. Please allow her the space to do that without obsessing over the thought that she has "dropped" you. And do NOT inform the family about what she told you! Respect her privacy. She should have the right to disclose the information in her own time if she chooses.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has been married just over a year and has recently been blessed with a beautiful baby girl. They also share full custody of her husband's 6-year-old daughter.

Both work full time. I'm retired and have offered my help for day care and transportation to school for the older child on certain days. My son-in-law's mother has agreed to take the other two days that are needed for care. She doesn't work either, and cares for another son's child.

The issue is, she charges for the care she gives her grandchildren. I'm not comfortable with this arrangement. Am I wrong to be angry and insist that I assume full-time responsibility for the care of my grandchildren? My daughter doesn't want to burden me. I'm fully committed to shouldering these responsibilities and would love every minute of it. However, I have serious concerns that the mother-in-law will resent me and my daughter if I demand to take on full-time care. -- FREE-OF-CHARGE GRANDMA

DEAR FREE-OF-CHARGE GRANDMA: If the other grandma needs the money she is being given for child care, you're darn tootin' she's going to resent you for undercutting her. Make your proposal to your daughter, but the final decision about child care rests with her and her husband.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. He has several female friends I have met and like very much. However, one of them texts him every day, even while we are together. She also sends Facebook messages and sometimes calls him at work. Sometimes she "drops in" at his home.

Abby, this woman is married with a family of her own, but she seems to be obsessed with my boyfriend. I have expressed my concern about her behavior and told my boyfriend that while I trust him completely, I feel she is overly emotionally attached to him, and what she's doing is disrespectful to our relationship as well as the one she has with her husband and family. He just continues to repeat that there is nothing going on. How can I make him understand that they can still be friends, but he needs to set some boundaries? -- FED UP IN NEW YORK

DEAR FED UP: Your boyfriend is allowed to be friends with anyone he wishes. However, because you think the attention he's receiving from this woman infringes on your time with him, you should say that to him. If you do, perhaps he may tell her to tone it down.

DEAR ABBY: I volunteer at a county no-kill animal shelter. I love doing the work and helping people find a pet that's right for them, if I can.

Every week, people come in looking for a lost pet. "What did he look like?" "How old was she?" And then the burning question, "Was your pet microchipped?" Often -- too often -- the answer is "No."

Please remind your readers that if they care about Buddy or Fluffy and love them and consider them family, to PLEASE have them microchipped. Any veterinarian's office can do it. A county shelter can do it, too. It's not expensive. It will give people a much better chance of having their friend returned, even if they are far away. -- ANIMAL LOVER IN UTAH

DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: I'm glad you wrote. I hope my animal-guardian readers will heed your advice. Furry family members are sometimes stolen, and they often like to roam when they see an opportunity. If pets are microchipped, it increases the odds of them being recovered.

DEAR ABBY: Can you please explain the guidelines for reciprocating invitations? We have invited the "Smiths" to our home three times. Each time they said they were busy and would be for several weeks, so we stopped extending invitations. Then they had us over, and we had a really good time. This week I tried to reciprocate and, again, they are busy. Should I keep trying? Or is this a signal that the Smiths don't want to come to us for whatever reason? -- GOOD TIMES IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GOOD TIMES: No rule of etiquette requires you to continue trying to coax this couple to your home. After three refusals, it's reasonable to conclude that -- for whatever reason -- they prefer to do the entertaining. While some might regard their refusals as a snub, I don't think you should because they did reach out and invite you over. Because you feel obligated, try inviting them out to dinner, and see if that brings better results.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 11, my parents and I moved near my grandparents. I loved them very much. One day, my grandfather offered to take me for a ride around the countryside, and we jumped in his pickup truck to explore.

When we started our ride, he had me move over as close as I could to him. Then he popped open a beer and handed it to me to drink. I had never tasted beer before. As we traveled down the road, he slipped his hand under my shirt and proceeded to feel my breasts. This happened three or four times on different days. He then tried to move his hand down into my pants. I resisted. After that, I never went for a ride with him again.

I have been through therapy to deal with this, but I have been unable to move on. My mom and her sisters think he was a wonderful father. She and two of her sisters have always had problems with men. I have always suspected that he abused them also. Should I confront them about this or just let it go? It haunts me to this day. -- PAST BUT PRESENT IN FLORIDA

DEAR PAST: I do not think it would be appropriate to "confront" your mother and your aunts about what might have happened to them. I do, however, think you have every right to tell them what your grandfather did to you during those "joyrides." If your suspicions about them are true, you should never have been permitted to go with him.

When you talk to them, do not be surprised if they try to minimize what happened, but you may find it therapeutic to speak openly. Family secrets like this are unhealthy for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I have some friends -- a married couple -- who are very dear to me but who drain me emotionally. The husband has been disabled for well over a decade. Although they have a home care nurse, the wife is his primary caregiver.

I know their situation is horrible, and I have offered my help only to be refused. They won't let anyone help, yet the wife is always complaining that she has no help. The husband is very angry and nasty to her, and her behavior has become passive-aggressive toward him.

The only conversations we have anymore are about how horribly they are treated by the other one. It's like they're competing to see who is the bigger victim. The wife calls when she needs to vent, but vetoes any suggestions. We have a long history together, but it has reached the point where I dread talking to them. I hate to withdraw, but I am emotionally drained. What should I do? -- EXHAUSTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR EXHAUSTED: It's time to tell these unhappy people what you told me. They may not like hearing what you have to say, so be prepared.

Suggest the wife join a caregiver support group. The other members will relate to what has been happening and may be able to offer her some suggestions. The husband is angry because his life hasn't turned out the way he had planned, but that doesn't mean he has a right to abuse her. A licensed marriage and family therapist might be able to help them repair their damaged relationship if it isn't too late.

And while you're at it, tell them that unless they stop dragging you into their dysfunction, for the sake of your own mental health you will have to have less to do with them. It's the truth.