DEAR ABBY: When I was 11, my parents and I moved near my grandparents. I loved them very much. One day, my grandfather offered to take me for a ride around the countryside, and we jumped in his pickup truck to explore.

When we started our ride, he had me move over as close as I could to him. Then he popped open a beer and handed it to me to drink. I had never tasted beer before. As we traveled down the road, he slipped his hand under my shirt and proceeded to feel my breasts. This happened three or four times on different days. He then tried to move his hand down into my pants. I resisted. After that, I never went for a ride with him again.

I have been through therapy to deal with this, but I have been unable to move on. My mom and her sisters think he was a wonderful father. She and two of her sisters have always had problems with men. I have always suspected that he abused them also. Should I confront them about this or just let it go? It haunts me to this day. -- PAST BUT PRESENT IN FLORIDA

DEAR PAST: I do not think it would be appropriate to "confront" your mother and your aunts about what might have happened to them. I do, however, think you have every right to tell them what your grandfather did to you during those "joyrides." If your suspicions about them are true, you should never have been permitted to go with him.

When you talk to them, do not be surprised if they try to minimize what happened, but you may find it therapeutic to speak openly. Family secrets like this are unhealthy for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I have some friends -- a married couple -- who are very dear to me but who drain me emotionally. The husband has been disabled for well over a decade. Although they have a home care nurse, the wife is his primary caregiver.

I know their situation is horrible, and I have offered my help only to be refused. They won't let anyone help, yet the wife is always complaining that she has no help. The husband is very angry and nasty to her, and her behavior has become passive-aggressive toward him.

The only conversations we have anymore are about how horribly they are treated by the other one. It's like they're competing to see who is the bigger victim. The wife calls when she needs to vent, but vetoes any suggestions. We have a long history together, but it has reached the point where I dread talking to them. I hate to withdraw, but I am emotionally drained. What should I do? -- EXHAUSTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR EXHAUSTED: It's time to tell these unhappy people what you told me. They may not like hearing what you have to say, so be prepared.

Suggest the wife join a caregiver support group. The other members will relate to what has been happening and may be able to offer her some suggestions. The husband is angry because his life hasn't turned out the way he had planned, but that doesn't mean he has a right to abuse her. A licensed marriage and family therapist might be able to help them repair their damaged relationship if it isn't too late.

And while you're at it, tell them that unless they stop dragging you into their dysfunction, for the sake of your own mental health you will have to have less to do with them. It's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I have been employed at a fine dining restaurant for 30 years. I love my job.

New owners bought it eight years ago, and the restaurant was booming. Our owner had an affair with another employee, and her schedule and treatment became insane. She didn't have to work as hard as the rest of us, treated everyone she worked with horribly and nothing was done about it. She and her family suddenly moved out of state a short while ago, and nothing was ever said about her again.

Recently, we found out that he's having an affair with another co-worker, and the entire staff is discouraged and angry. Both of our bosses, husband and wife, seem OK with these affairs and act like nothing is wrong! Morale is at an all-time low, and the anger and frustration are at an all-time high.

I'm trying to ride this out, but I'm very frustrated and just want to quit. My heart is heavy because I love my job and my customers. Do you have any suggestions? -- CONFOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: The new proprietors appear to have "an arrangement," which is why the wife is willing to look the other way while her husband carries on. If the new "girlfriend" is receiving the same favoritism in her work assignments that the last one enjoyed, you and the rest of the staff have a right to complain about the unequal treatment. It might be most effective if you do it as a group.

Change jobs if the atmosphere isn't healthy for you, and some of your favorite customers may follow. That goes for every other person who works there. If enough of you quit, it may have a negative effect on the business.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a man for the last few months. His brother and my cousin have been dating for four years. He's 35, and I'm 23.

He is about to be divorced and has a record, but the last crime he committed was 10 years ago. If not for the fact that his brother is dating my cousin, I'd be much more skeptical. But my cousin has never had anything bad to say about him, and I'm confident if there were, she would tell me.

My family is adamantly against the relationship. They say he's too old for me, I should be more concerned about his criminal history, and no one they know has anything good to say about him. I'm conflicted about moving forward because I'm afraid of the rifts it would cause with my relatives.

I have had a lot of anxiety over this. I am also hurt that we weren't given the chance to reveal his past so he could be as transparent with my parents as he has been with me about it. Any advice? -- ANXIOUS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ANXIOUS: Because you have been seeing this man for several months, long enough to develop serious feelings for him, you should have talked to your parents about his history before they heard it from others. Because they love you, their feelings are understandable. If there is any hope of changing their minds, you and your boyfriend should speak to them together so he can address their concerns.

DEAR ABBY: I'm frightened that I will become homeless and won't be able to pay my bills. I'm afraid of getting older and ending up a homeless woman, freezing to death on the streets. I worry that the college degree I'm working toward will be useless.

I see the challenges older people go through: house bills, medical bills, student loans, car bills, trying to save for retirement. I'm accused of being a cheapskate, but I'm terrified I will never have enough. Sometimes the future seems bleak. While other people see possibilities and adventure, all I can see is a homeless death on the streets.

I struggle every day to find a reason to get up. I distract myself with simple goals: go to class, finish homework, get a college degree, and then get some kind of job. But there are so many bills to pay just to live -- so many problems in the future that are right around the corner.

When you're a single gal alone in this world, the melancholy begins to seep in. I ask myself, is this life worth it? What is the point of getting up day after day knowing that when I graduate from college there's nothing ahead of me but a life of constant bills and misery? -- EVERYDAY STRUGGLE

DEAR EVERYDAY STRUGGLE: It has been some time since I have seen a letter filled with as much negativity and depression as the one you have written. One of the benefits of being in school is you have access to the student health center. I urge you to go there and talk to a counselor who can help you cope with your fears before they become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Decades ago, President Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." This applies to you. We all have moments of doubt about what's to come, but when fear about the future destroys the present, it's time to seek professional help and an attitude adjustment. Please do it, because if you do, I'm confident you will feel better.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I inherited eight place settings of china that belonged to my great-grandmother. I had no place to display it, so I carefully wrapped each piece in newspaper and put them inside a hard-sided plastic tote.

When I moved into my current apartment five years ago, my mother was helping me unpack, and we wanted to put the china set in a cupboard above the refrigerator. When we started unpacking, we found many of the pieces had become stained from the ink in the newspaper.

Abby, my mother and I are heartbroken. My great-grandmother collected each piece of this set with Green Stamps during World War II, and I hate that it's now damaged. Do you know of a way I can safely get this staining out of the china? -- HEARTBROKEN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I researched your question at HowToCleanStuff.net and found several suggestions for removing newsprint stains from dishes. One involves using a pencil eraser; another, a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol. However, if you are afraid these methods could further damage your china set, call the nearest art museum and speak with someone in their restoration department. I wish you and your mother good luck.