DEAR ABBY: I am a transgender female who is working on my marriage to my wife of 41 years. I started my transition in 2011.

We have had our ups and downs during the course of our marriage. We have two sons and eight beautiful grandchildren. All of them know about my transition to womanhood, and my family also knows. What I need now is some advice to help our marriage. We are strongly committed to working on it. -- REAL ME IN OHIO

DEAR REAL YOU: Many couples choose to stay together and keep their marriage intact when one partner transitions. You and your wife can find help -- and support -- at the nearest LGBT center that offers couples counseling. If there isn't one in your community, check the nearest large city to where you live.

You and your wife should also reach out to the Straight Spouse Network, which has been mentioned in my column before. This group was started in 1986 by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D., and its mission is to build bridges of understanding for couples of mixed sexual orientation or gender variance. The contact information is straightspouse.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have two adult children who are divorced and both live out of state. My son has no children, and my daughter has two who are now adults. I'm close to my son but have been estranged from my daughter and grandchildren for almost 20 years. (There is no possibility of a reconciliation.)

I have not explained the details about this situation to anyone. My close friends know I have no contact with them and, thankfully, to their credit, they haven't asked. My co-workers, however, want to know about my family. I have tried giving them generic information, such as "they live out of state," but a few keep asking for more details, such as when are they coming to visit, what do they do, etc. Some are being friendly, but a couple of them are busybodies. What can I say to deter them and their questions without being rude? -- COMPLICATED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR COMPLICATED: This situation is more common than many people realize, and the best way to stop nosy people from repeatedly asking questions would simply be to say, "We are estranged." Period. If someone is so insensitive as to question you about why, you are free to say you prefer not to discuss it -- now or ever.

DEAR ABBY: What would you say about a married man who cultivates online friendships with young women? He is in contact with one of them every hour, calling or texting. Mostly it is innocent, but there are very warm texts that include "kisses" icons ("just pictures, nothing more!").

He does not hide this from his wife. He tells her he is enjoying very much the communication with a young, beautiful woman. He says it is just a game for him, he has no feelings for them, he loves his wife and only her (and she feels it strongly). Do you think this kind of communication is acceptable? -- TRIVIAL FLIRT IN RUSSIA

DEAR TRIVIAL FLIRT: I don't think so. The husband may not be cheating on his wife in the classic sense, but calling and texting is not only disrespectful to the wife he says he loves, but also to the young women who may not understand that it's "just a game."

DEAR ABBY: I live in Atlanta, and my family lives four hours south. My brother travels here often to visit his girlfriend and their son. I never know he's in town unless another family member mentions it or he posts a photo of himself at a local landmark.

My parents and brother came here to attend my nephew's school band concert. No one mentioned that they were coming or contacted me during their visit. I learned about it after speaking with my grandmother the following day. Since then, I have spoken to my parents once briefly, and they still haven't mentioned it. Apparently, judging from the group text I just received, my brother is back in town again today for another event.

I don't want to make this about me, but I feel left out. Do I have the right to have hurt feelings? -- FORGOTTEN SISTER IN GEORGIA

DEAR SISTER: You have the right to feel however you feel. But I have to wonder how close you and your brother really are, and whether you get along with the girlfriend. I suspect this may be why you are not included during these visits. Your parents may not have told you they were in town because they were asked not to or didn't want to hurt your feelings. I think it's time for a family discussion, don't you?

DEAR ABBY: I've always been very independent and haven't had many serious relationships in my 34 years of life. For the last two years, I have been in a healthy relationship with a man who is kind, smart and makes me feel like I can be myself.

On our first anniversary, although we had never talked about marriage, he surprised me with a proposal. I didn't feel the excitement and joy that I had always pictured myself feeling when this moment finally happened to me. We haven't set a wedding date, nor am I thrilled about getting married.

I love this person and appreciate him, but I feel like I should be over-the-moon about spending forever with him. Do these blase feelings mean this isn't the right person for me, or that I'm simply not ready for the next step? -- BEWILDERED MOUNTAIN GIRL

DEAR GIRL: Real life isn't like it is portrayed in the movies and on television. There is no cookie-cutter reaction to receiving a proposal. Many women would be thrilled to receive a proposal of marriage from a man who is kind, smart and with whom they can be themselves. (I am not implying that this should be you.)

My recommendation is that you two have a long engagement as well as premarital counseling, so you can both determine what's important to you and if you are on the same page. Frankly, these discussions should have started well before a proposal.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for five years and together with my husband for 15. I love him, and I try to look attractive for him.

I recently got a shorter haircut that I thought looks nice. When my husband saw it, his reaction was, "It doesn't look bad," and, "If you like it, that's all that matters." I can't help but feel slighted and a little hurt. Am I being too sensitive? -- HURT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HURT: Maybe. Your husband is entitled to his reaction, and he was honest with you. Would you have preferred that he lie? If you like the new hairstyle, keep it. If you are having second thoughts, remember it's not an arm or a leg; it's only hair, and it will grow.

DEAR ABBY: I never had sex unless I was in love and knew there was a strong possibility of a solid future. Well, I am 51 now and newly single. My divorce was final four months ago, and I am now living in a new state.

I joined one of those hookup sites, found someone and began having sex with him. I nearly backed out and panicked because his profile said he lived 30 minutes away from me, but he was at my house in 10 minutes (!) saying he was visiting a friend in my neighborhood.

He's well-educated, gorgeous, adorable, and I'm having the most amazing, mind-blowing sex of my life. The problem is, I'm falling in love, and he's only 33. I never thought I could go through with a hookup, but I did. I need to end this, but I don't know how. -- TRYING TO END IT IN THE EAST

DEAR TRYING: When people are newly divorced, because the process is often stressful and depressing, they can go on a kind of high when it's final. At some point you will regain your equilibrium, and when you do, you will know how to end it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 45 years has an older sister who is a nasty, narcissistic bully. She has treated my wife and our family like dirt for years, yet my wife continues to tolerate it and refuses to hear of any negative comments about her sister from me.

Because of the way she has behaved, I do not want any contact with my sister-in-law. I am at a loss, though, as to how to keep the relationship from causing trouble in my marriage. Why do bullied people refuse to see their abusers for what they are? -- DONE WITH IT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR DONE WITH IT: It's lack of self-esteem. Bullied people somehow think they deserve the ill treatment they are receiving. Your wife may come from a background where abuse was normal. If you prefer to avoid your sister-in-law, that is your privilege. However, as long as your wife accepts the status quo, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine is a very nice person. He and his wife live in Pennsylvania. I live in New Jersey. He comes here, and I go there to where he lives.

Every time it's his turn to pay, he comes to lunch alone. Every time it is my turn, he brings along his wife. I don't feel right about it. He does offer extra money, which I'm really not comfortable accepting.

When it's his turn, he pays $25, but when it is mine, the tab is usually $40 to $50 because there's an extra person involved. Sometimes he takes care of the tip. Should I tell him I have things to do and can't go to lunch? -- UNSURE UP NORTH

DEAR UNSURE: Because you enjoy his company, tell him that although you like his wife, you would feel more comfortable if when you have lunch together it's "just us guys." Either that, or suggest that from now on you each request separate checks.