DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are moving to a retirement community where we won't know a soul. I hate leaving our friends and the relationships we have formed here. I have never been especially outgoing or good at making small talk, but I know I will have to to fit in.

I believe you have written something for people who have this challenge. Can I get a copy? What are some tips on how to get started? We're relocating soon. -- FACING IT HEAD ON

DEAR FACING IT: You and your husband are opening an exciting new chapter in your lives. Managing it successfully will depend upon your attitude, so think positive. Please understand that the majority of people have the same insecurities you do. Not everyone is born socially adept. It is a skill that can be learned and polished with practice.

Everyone wants to be the kind of person others find interesting, attractive and worth knowing. The key to being well-liked by both sexes is: Be kind. Be honest. Be tactful. Don't be afraid to offer someone a compliment if it's deserved. Be well-groomed, tastefully dressed and conscious of your posture. Confident individuals stand tall. You do not have to be the smartest person in the room. Ask others what they think and encourage them to share their opinions. My booklet "How To Be Popular" contains many useful tips for polishing social skills for people of all ages. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Remember, part of fitting in is showing an interest in and an appreciation of others. Be a good listener and people will think you're a genius. Good conversationalists are interested in what others have to say rather than feel pressured to fill the air with the sound of their own voices. It isn't necessary to be an authority on every subject. Keep in mind that most people can concentrate on only one thing at a time. Forget about yourself and your own insecurities and concentrate on the other person. If you try it, you will find that it works.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for nine years. I take responsibility for the end of my marriage. I fell in love with another man. Although I never intended to divorce, my husband discovered my affair and divorced me.

I am now in a new relationship with a man I adore. Should I tell him the reason my marriage ended? My ex died in 2017, so the only other person who knows why we divorced is no longer alive. -- WHOLE TRUTH? IN ARIZONA

DEAR TRUTH: Excuse me. Someone else does know -- the person with whom you had the affair. If you are asked why you and your ex divorced, answer the question honestly. If you aren't asked, keep your past where it belongs -- in the past.

DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daughter, "Marta," and I are widows. I'm retired, and my daughter has a small home-based business. She and her three children live with me. Because the cost of living is high in our city, living together has allowed us to pool our resources and co-parent my grandkids.

Marta has had a boyfriend for a year and a half. I have not warmed to him. He has four kids by a previous girlfriend or wife. The youngest is 18 months old. He works at a grocery store, and I just don't see a viable future for my daughter with him.

My dilemma: She sneaks him in, and he spends the night several nights a week. Marta never asked my permission. I guess she assumed it is OK. To me it is unseemly and untrustworthy on both their parts. It sends the wrong message to my grandchildren. My mistake was not having said anything to her the first time it happened. How should I proceed now? -- BOTHERED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BOTHERED: Proceed by having an adult conversation with your daughter and tell her exactly how you feel about this arrangement. While whether or not the boyfriend is good enough for Marta is not your decision to make -- face it, she's 40 now -- the talk may clear the air. If her sex life is important to her, she may opt to look for another place to live, so don't be surprised if she does.

DEAR ABBY: I had major surgery eight months ago. When I came out from under the anesthesia, I was disappointed to find my wife wasn't there. It turned out she had left the hospital to have lunch with my sister instead of eating on-site.

I have expressed my disappointment to her twice, and I know she regrets not being there, but every few months the memory of what felt like abandonment rises up and depression sets in, often for several days. How do I let this go? -- POST-SURGERY BLUES

DEAR P.S.B.: Your wife did not abandon you; she had lunch with your sister. It was a mistake she regrets. You were feeling helpless and vulnerable, which is normal.

I'm wondering if your reaction could be connected to the surgery or medications. Please talk about this with your doctor. If that doesn't help, a licensed mental health professional can help you get beyond this. Your doctor or health care provider can refer you to someone who can help with these episodes of depression.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend has a terrible habit of always talking about her husband, "Bennet." According to her, he can do everything and knows everything. In one evening she mentioned his name 19 times. (I counted.) For the record, Bennet is an average guy and nondescript in every way. Even her kids think he is royalty.

How can I kindly tell her she is embarrassing herself, and her friends find it annoying? This has been going on for years, and it keeps getting worse. -- NOT IMPRESSED IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT IMPRESSED: For the record, Bennet must be doing something right or his family wouldn't idolize him the way you say they do.

If you think there is anything you can "kindly" say to your dear friend about her Knight in Shining Armor being nondescript in every way, you are dreaming. Tell your friend you appreciate how proud she is of her husband, but you'd like to hear about some other subjects. If it falls on deaf ears, see her less often if you must, but don't smash her idol.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin recently married a lovely girl, someone he'd been dating for a couple of years. Our whole family loves her, and she's always been very sweet to us.

She's very intelligent and kind, but the issue is her wardrobe. She's pretty but refuses to wear nice clothes. Instead she wears baggy, boring clothes. Our family is fashion-conscious, and I know my cousin has suggested to her several times that she buy new clothing -- to no avail. He thinks she's self-conscious about her body.

Her birthday is coming up, and my sister and I would like to take her shopping as a birthday gift to buy her some nicer clothes. My cousin thinks she might not appreciate it, but he agrees that she needs new clothes. He also suggested buying her a gift card to somewhere, although that wouldn't solve the problem of which clothes she buys with it. Do you think that taking her clothes shopping for her birthday would be appropriate? -- FASHIONISTA IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR FASHIONISTA: I think it is a nice idea, as long as you do not frame it the way you have to me. A better way to make the offer might be to invite her for a lovely birthday lunch and some "retail therapy." If you then decide to peek into a couple of clothing stores, she might be willing. And if you find something appropriate and offer to treat her as a birthday gift, she might accept. Keep it light, do not pressure her, but compliment her when she tries on things that flatter her.

DEAR ABBY: My family is surrounded by neighbors who are all friendly. We have cookouts together regularly. Everyone contributes to the budget and food preparation except one neighbor. He's a single dad of 12-year-old twins, and they show up to every BBQ without bringing a dish or their own drinks, yet they all eat heartily. We have run out of food for the intended participants (who paid for the food) because of them. What's the best way to handle this situation without making an enemy of a neighbor? -- FED UP WITH FREELOADING

DEAR FED UP: Your neighbor may not be clear about the rules. It shouldn't earn you an enemy for life if you point out to this single dad of twins (with growing appetites) that these get-togethers are potluck, which means everyone is expected to contribute to the cost of the food as well as bring a side dish so the food won't run out. Tell him what to bring. They should also help with the setup and cleanup. If he's uncooperative after that, he's a moocher and you all will be well rid of him if he takes offense.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 12 years and I have an ongoing disagreement about the language he uses when he texts women friends. He opens his text with "Hi, Beautiful" or, "Good Morning, Gorgeous." I consider this to be flirting, but he regards it as harmless even though he knows it hurts my feelings because he doesn't text that way to me.

I trust him and don't feel there's anything going on with any of these women, but I think he's playing with fire. The wrong woman may interpret it differently, and that's how affairs start. Do you think I am overreacting? -- MISUNDERSTOOD IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: Yes. Your problem with your husband isn't that he's calling other women beautiful and gorgeous. It's that he ISN'T complimenting you, and I think you should point that out to him. Shame on him!