DEAR ABBY: I live in a townhouse in a small development -- just four townhomes with a very relaxed HOA. Since it's just the four of us, we discuss things like needed repairs and come to an agreement.

Our problem is our newest neighbor. She smokes outside at all hours. It prevents the rest of us from enjoying our own outside spaces, nor can we open our windows for fresh air.

As far as I know, she smokes only outside and not inside. What can we say or do so we can enjoy our decks and patio spaces or leave our windows open without being smoked out? -- SMOKED OUT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SMOKED OUT: Because your homeowners association is so tiny that you have no manager to handle this, it is important you approach this sensitive problem with a positive attitude. This woman is the newest member of your four-unit "family," and this will be a long-term relationship -- for better or for worse. Remember it must be built on trust and mutual respect.

Come together in a neighborly way to discuss other matters that need to be dealt with and then raise this subject in a noncontentious way. The solution might be something as simple as her agreeing to walk farther from the building when she smokes. Determine what would be acceptable and work from there.

DEAR ABBY: Our grandniece was supposed to be married in April 2018, but a week before the wedding she caught her fiance cheating, and the wedding was called off. We live 1,000 miles away, so several weeks before the wedding, we went online to their gift registry and had a gift valued at more than $250 shipped directly to them. The mother of the bride confirmed when the gift was received.

After the wedding date passed, we thought we would receive reimbursement or be asked if we wanted the gift returned. It has been a little over a year now and not one word has been mentioned about returning any gifts. Other family members are in the same situation as we are.

Isn't it proper to return gifts if the wedding is called off? If it was an inexpensive, small gift we wouldn't feel so bad. Are we wrong to be hurt and a bit shocked? -- FEELING SNUBBED

DEAR SNUBBED: No, you are not wrong. I assume you never received a thank-you for your generosity either.

Wedding gifts are not to be considered consolation prizes. The rule of etiquette is, if there has been no wedding and the wedding gift has not been used, it should be returned to the sender.

DEAR ABBY: A family friend is getting sober from drugs. We used to talk all the time about everything. I keep inviting them over to do something or hang out. They accept at first and then back out. This has been going on for months, and I'm getting tired of it. I'm trying to figure out if I should keep trying or just stop. Is it the recovery process or me? -- SOMEBODY WHO CARES IN UTAH

DEAR SOMEBODY: Not knowing you or your friend, it's hard to say. The next time you invite the person over and they back out, put the ball in their court by saying, "When you are up for company, give me a call. I miss you."

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this with overwhelming sadness. My 75-year-old husband is a tyrant. Our neighbors hate him, and so do our children. He is an overbearing, impetuous child.

I cry every day. I can't talk to him without him yelling. I am a subservient person. How do I go on with this? He is very healthy. I try so hard, and I have no life. He says mean things to me all the time. Please give me some advice. -- FLOUNDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLOUNDERING: Please start asking yourself why you think you deserve the verbal abuse you receive from your husband and why you tolerate his bullying. Were you raised this way? What message has it sent to your children? Then remind yourself that we have only one life to live. Is this how you intend to spend it until the day you die or he does?

Gather all the information you can regarding your husband's (and your) finances. Once you have that information, contact a lawyer who specializes in family law. I can't change your husband and neither can you. But you can change the way you react to his verbal abuse by refusing to tolerate it any longer.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are retired and fortunate to travel often throughout the year. We prefer to stay in homes either through a home exchange or home rental by owner.

The change in scenery unfailingly increases her libido, and she often tries to initiate lovemaking at bedtime. I have told her I'm not comfortable having sex in another couple's bed. I feel it's disrespectful of their space and violates the trust the owners place in us by letting us use their house. She views it as the same as a hotel room since we pay to rent the house. Are there generally accepted practices regarding this? -- ABLE BUT NOT WILLING

DEAR ABLE: The generally accepted practice is to leave the property in the pristine condition in which you found it. This does not mean you and your wife must live a monklike existence while you are there, and I'm sure no one would expect you to.

DEAR ABBY: My friends are getting married, and I am excited for them. I was there for their engagement and helped set it up for him. I consider them both my best friends. They mean the world to me.

My issue is, they had an engagement party, invited all her girlfriends and asked them to be bridesmaids. I wasn't asked to be in the wedding or even invited to the party. I'm trying not to be hurt by it because I understand it is their day, but it makes me feel I'm not as important as I thought I was to them. What do I do? -- LEFT-OUT BEST FRIEND

DEAR LEFT OUT: This has to have been a painful wake-up call, and for that you have my sympathy. Best friends are not treated the way you were. What you do now is recognize that the time has come to reorganize your "friends" list, downgrade the two of them to the "acquaintances" category and broaden your social circle.

DEAR ABBY: I have known this man, "Finn," for years. We grew up together. He was the annoying boy on the playground who turned into my first love when we were in college. We live in different states now, so we have grown distant, although we still talk on holidays and birthdays.

It's been quite a while since we were together, but I still can't get over him. I haven't tried to find another guy because I know he will be second to Finn, and that's not fair to him.

Is it weird that I still go to text Finn when something big happens but realize I can't, or that I dream about us still? How do I get over a guy I love and only broke up with because he didn't want to move? I will never go back to our hometown. It was an awful place. So what do I do? -- TRYING NOT TO LOVE HIM

DEAR TRYING: Here's what you do. Accept the fact that Finn is a "married man" -- someone wedded to his hometown, which you have long outgrown. Then stop idealizing a person who didn't value your relationship enough to consider relocating with you. And finally, accept the reality that this wasn't meant to be. Allow yourself the opportunity to meet eligible men and quit comparing them to someone you have placed on such a high pedestal that they cannot compete.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old son is a good young man and mostly responsible and mature, except in one area. He fails to see the importance of keeping up regular oil changes on his two vehicles that were passed down to him.

I keep track of when he's had the last oil change, and I start reminding him at the time they are due. I tell him to make an appointment, he says "I will," but when asked later, he says he hasn't. I have tried to tell him how important it is. I've even made the appointment and taken the vehicles in myself. What can I do to get him to take care of this responsibility by himself? -- NAGGING MOTHER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR MOTHER: The way for your son to learn that lesson is for you to stop nagging and let him suffer the consequences for his irresponsibility. You may have helped the cars by taking them in, but you did not help your son.

DEAR ABBY: One of my sisters is visiting our place and staying at our house for four nights. She always brings presents for us when she comes. However, the items are partly used or carry no tags or seals.

My other sisters feel the same as I do about it, but no one ever says anything. I am torn between staying silent or speaking out once and for all in plain English. What should I do? -- TAGLESS IN MAINE

DEAR TAGLESS: When someone is a houseguest -- even a relative -- good manners dictate that a small gift is in order. By small gift, I mean a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, a box of nuts or candy. Your sister is either unaware of the social graces, financially strapped or rude. Accept the "gift" graciously but suggest that next time a bottle of wine or some flowers would be appreciated.