DEAR ABBY: I am writing this with overwhelming sadness. My 75-year-old husband is a tyrant. Our neighbors hate him, and so do our children. He is an overbearing, impetuous child.

I cry every day. I can't talk to him without him yelling. I am a subservient person. How do I go on with this? He is very healthy. I try so hard, and I have no life. He says mean things to me all the time. Please give me some advice. -- FLOUNDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLOUNDERING: Please start asking yourself why you think you deserve the verbal abuse you receive from your husband and why you tolerate his bullying. Were you raised this way? What message has it sent to your children? Then remind yourself that we have only one life to live. Is this how you intend to spend it until the day you die or he does?

Gather all the information you can regarding your husband's (and your) finances. Once you have that information, contact a lawyer who specializes in family law. I can't change your husband and neither can you. But you can change the way you react to his verbal abuse by refusing to tolerate it any longer.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are retired and fortunate to travel often throughout the year. We prefer to stay in homes either through a home exchange or home rental by owner.

The change in scenery unfailingly increases her libido, and she often tries to initiate lovemaking at bedtime. I have told her I'm not comfortable having sex in another couple's bed. I feel it's disrespectful of their space and violates the trust the owners place in us by letting us use their house. She views it as the same as a hotel room since we pay to rent the house. Are there generally accepted practices regarding this? -- ABLE BUT NOT WILLING

DEAR ABLE: The generally accepted practice is to leave the property in the pristine condition in which you found it. This does not mean you and your wife must live a monklike existence while you are there, and I'm sure no one would expect you to.

DEAR ABBY: My friends are getting married, and I am excited for them. I was there for their engagement and helped set it up for him. I consider them both my best friends. They mean the world to me.

My issue is, they had an engagement party, invited all her girlfriends and asked them to be bridesmaids. I wasn't asked to be in the wedding or even invited to the party. I'm trying not to be hurt by it because I understand it is their day, but it makes me feel I'm not as important as I thought I was to them. What do I do? -- LEFT-OUT BEST FRIEND

DEAR LEFT OUT: This has to have been a painful wake-up call, and for that you have my sympathy. Best friends are not treated the way you were. What you do now is recognize that the time has come to reorganize your "friends" list, downgrade the two of them to the "acquaintances" category and broaden your social circle.

DEAR ABBY: I have known this man, "Finn," for years. We grew up together. He was the annoying boy on the playground who turned into my first love when we were in college. We live in different states now, so we have grown distant, although we still talk on holidays and birthdays.

It's been quite a while since we were together, but I still can't get over him. I haven't tried to find another guy because I know he will be second to Finn, and that's not fair to him.

Is it weird that I still go to text Finn when something big happens but realize I can't, or that I dream about us still? How do I get over a guy I love and only broke up with because he didn't want to move? I will never go back to our hometown. It was an awful place. So what do I do? -- TRYING NOT TO LOVE HIM

DEAR TRYING: Here's what you do. Accept the fact that Finn is a "married man" -- someone wedded to his hometown, which you have long outgrown. Then stop idealizing a person who didn't value your relationship enough to consider relocating with you. And finally, accept the reality that this wasn't meant to be. Allow yourself the opportunity to meet eligible men and quit comparing them to someone you have placed on such a high pedestal that they cannot compete.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old son is a good young man and mostly responsible and mature, except in one area. He fails to see the importance of keeping up regular oil changes on his two vehicles that were passed down to him.

I keep track of when he's had the last oil change, and I start reminding him at the time they are due. I tell him to make an appointment, he says "I will," but when asked later, he says he hasn't. I have tried to tell him how important it is. I've even made the appointment and taken the vehicles in myself. What can I do to get him to take care of this responsibility by himself? -- NAGGING MOTHER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR MOTHER: The way for your son to learn that lesson is for you to stop nagging and let him suffer the consequences for his irresponsibility. You may have helped the cars by taking them in, but you did not help your son.

DEAR ABBY: One of my sisters is visiting our place and staying at our house for four nights. She always brings presents for us when she comes. However, the items are partly used or carry no tags or seals.

My other sisters feel the same as I do about it, but no one ever says anything. I am torn between staying silent or speaking out once and for all in plain English. What should I do? -- TAGLESS IN MAINE

DEAR TAGLESS: When someone is a houseguest -- even a relative -- good manners dictate that a small gift is in order. By small gift, I mean a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, a box of nuts or candy. Your sister is either unaware of the social graces, financially strapped or rude. Accept the "gift" graciously but suggest that next time a bottle of wine or some flowers would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 16 years. His ex was supposed to pay child support, but didn't. He worked in his career for only one year after we married and since then has held menial jobs, which have kept his future retirement intact. I have provided him and his children a home for which he has never made a mortgage payment or taxes, utilities, clothes, etc. His children have never lacked for anything.

His ex now wants to resolve the back child support issue by giving the settlement amount of money to the kids. I don't feel they should get it because it is owed to him. I'd like to see him use it to pay off some of his credit card bills, which are high.

She has told the kids what she is offering and plans to guilt him into giving it to them. He doesn't have to settle that way if he chooses. He doesn't know that I saw the letter, and he's lying about the amount she's willing to pay. What should I do? -- PRESENT MRS.

DEAR PRESENT MRS.: After having supported your husband and his children all these years, the LEAST you are owed is honesty. What you should do is discuss this with an attorney of your own immediately and, while you are at it, raise the subject of what is and is not considered community property in your state. You should also determine to what extent you might be responsible for paying those high credit card balances should he renege. Once you have the answers, you will be better able to determine how to handle this.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, I was a guest at the home of my friend "Roger" for a five-day holiday celebration. We've shared this event with family and friends for years. I was the only non-family member out of the five adults and two teenagers staying at his home. The guest room assigned to me shared Roger's master bathroom, which I used.

During my visit, Roger's prescription medicine came up missing. I heard about it from a mutual friend a day after I returned home. This friend told me Roger was adamant that I took his medication and there was no need to question anyone else.

Roger would not accept my calls. To add insult to injury, the so-called mutual friend agrees with Roger that I was the culprit! So, I have lost two friends. How do I let go and move on? Time hasn't healed these wounds. -- ACCUSED IN OHIO

DEAR ACCUSED: Roger should have confronted you when his medication turned up missing. That he accused you behind your back to someone makes me wonder how good a friend he really was. As to the mutual friend who contacted you the next day, be grateful.

It is my experience that we can do what we set our minds to. Start celebrating this holiday by involving yourself in travel or other activities you enjoy, and spend time with other people so you won't be alone.