DEAR ABBY: Sometimes when my husband has been drinking, he does things I consider inappropriate with his cousin and childhood friend "Jasper." The most recent incident involved my husband pulling down his pants and showing Jasper his private parts. Later that night he tried to grab Jasper's crotch.

To me, Jasper seems slightly uncomfortable, but he just laughs it off. When I confronted my husband about it, he said I was overreacting and he was "just messing around." I don't think he's gay, but it almost feels like he is cheating on me. Am I overreacting, and what should I do? -- CONFOUNDED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONFOUNDED: Your husband's immature behavior "sometimes when he has been drinking" is extremely inappropriate. How many times has this occurred? Listen to your gut and get to the bottom of this because it appears you are married to a problem drinker who may need help.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my mom and I started a book club. For the most part, it's been a lot of fun. But one member, "Maeve," has to be the smartest person in the room no matter the topic. She often belittles other members she considers less educated than she is. She also frequently doesn't read or finish the book. She uses the excuse of, "Oh, I read that years ago, and I didn't have time to review it again."

Maeve is retired, and I don't mean to judge what she does with her time but, if all of us who are working can find time, surely she can too. Abby, would it be terrible to ask her to leave the book club? Every other member has complained to either me or my mom about Maeve. What should we do? -- BOOK ADDICT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BOOK ADDICT: Talk privately with Maeve. Tell her how her actions have made the rest of the members uncomfortable and give her some examples. Then tell her that if she can't keep up with the reading and contribute in a positive manner -- which is the reason the club was formed -- she should withdraw.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married woman. After 45 years of working full time and raising three great children, I decided to retire. I loved working and raising my children, and I am now thoroughly enjoying my retirement.

I do not yet have grandchildren, and my days are quiet and simple, which is fine with me. My husband and I enjoy little things -- the crossword puzzle, discussing the news, going to a play or concert and enjoying the company of our children and extended family when we get together.

The problem? My working siblings and their spouses constantly ask, "So, what are you doing with your time?" If I say, "Enjoying each day as it comes," they scoff and say, "So, you're just doing NOTHING?! Are you ever going to work again?" It makes me feel sad and judged, and I don't know how to respond. What can I say to these folks who think I'm "doing nothing"? -- LOST FOR WORDS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: You can feel sad and judged only if you allow it. All you have to say to these people is, "I'm finding plenty of things to devote time to -- spending more time with my husband, chief among them -- and I'm wallowing in it!" Then smile.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 20 years. I have never cheated on him or given him any reason to believe I have. But he is constantly on my Facebook account. He also reads all my emails and text messages.

I have nothing to hide, but I feel foolish standing by him as he reads my messages. I feel like a student in a principal's office waiting to be reprimanded for something I did wrong or said.

If he doesn't read my personal messages when I am up, he waits for me to go to sleep and reads everything. I have not answered messages that friends have sent me because he reads them, deletes them and then doesn't tell me I got a message.

He gets mad at me if I tell him I don't want him looking through my messages because he says I must be hiding something. I have changed passwords only for him to demand that I give them to him. His actions are making me extremely stressed. Is this normal behavior? -- STRESSED SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR STRESSED: NO, IT IS NOT NORMAL, and it's no wonder that you are extremely stressed. Your husband's behavior is extremely controlling, and it is a reflection of the extent of his insecurity.

Your situation is unhealthy, to put it mildly. Has this sort of thing been going on for the last 20 years? If not, it could be a precursor to domestic violence. For your own sake, talk to someone at the National Domestic Violence Hotline about what is going on. Its toll-free number is 800-799-7233. The website is thehotline.org.

DEAR ABBY: I just started my first full-time job, and my boss is amazing but a bit overprotective. Last week, our marketing director, "Amy," reached out and asked me to organize an envelope-stuffing for invitations to an event my department is hosting. This event was not organized by my department. It was being handled by the marketing and membership teams.

My boss thought it was unreasonable for me to have to do that. I didn't mind, nor did I complain, but my boss was upset and confronted Amy about it. Amy apologized and helped me send out the invites, but since then she has been cool to me. It feels like others in the office have also withdrawn somewhat (although I suppose I could just be imagining this).

I really wish my boss hadn't said anything. On one hand, I appreciate her standing up for me, but I don't want my co-workers to think I'm lazy or a complainer, especially because I’m new here and at the bottom of the totem pole in the office. Should I just let it blow over? Should I say something? Any advice would be welcome. -- NOT A COMPLAINER

DEAR NOT A COMPLAINER: Your boss may have stepped in because there were tasks she wanted you to spend your time doing that are more important to her than stuffing envelopes. Tell Amy privately that you were glad to help with the invitations, and you never complained to anyone about having been asked to do it. It may clear the air. Then have a talk with your boss about chain-of-command rules, including whether you must get an OK from her before helping out other departments.

DEAR ABBY: For most of my life I searched for my biological father. My mother had many relationships throughout her life, and I was the result of a one-night stand. I have a half-brother who is the result of another failed relationship. My mother finally married a man who raised us as his own and gave us his last name. However, Mom wouldn't tell me or my brother who our real fathers were.

Over the years I questioned my mother about him, but she would give only sketchy details and sent me down many dead-end trails. After she became terminally ill, I continued asking her for the truth, but she wouldn't budge. My guess is she was ashamed of her past and couldn't bear to tell me, or was afraid my real dad would take me away from her.

Two years ago, I took an online DNA test and amazingly found my biological father. From the time I made contact, he and my new brothers have accepted me and my family and given us unconditional love. I like to say I hit the "family jackpot."

Over the last two years I have wanted to change my last name, but I'm afraid to make the leap. I have a half-brother on my mother's side with whom I share my stepfather's last name. Many times I wanted to ask for his permission/blessing, but I'm worried he will get angry and never speak to me again. I know he will think I am abandoning him if I do this. Am I selfish for wanting this name change, or should I seek to set the record straight? -- RECLAIMING MY NAME IN INDIANA

DEAR RECLAIMING: You certainly have a right to change your name to the one that reflects your identity. But since you asked, I think you should wait to "set the record straight." Your stepfather took you into his home and his heart and gave you his name, and to change it now would be a poor way to repay his love and kindness. It might lessen the blow if you discuss hyphenating your last name. After he is gone, you could shorten the name to your birth father's.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has a key to my house. I didn't give it to her. We left a key under the mat one day so she could get in to pick up something because I wasn't going to be home when she arrived. I asked my husband to get the key back, but he is uncomfortable asking.

She and my father-in-law have been in our house twice more in our absence. We were out of town, and we were shocked to hear they had entered our home without asking. It was almost sneaky the way they did it, and when I talked to my husband about it, he was upset as well and took his anger out on me. It ruined our day traveling. We didn't speak the entire two-hour trip back home.

I asked my mother-in-law via text to please let us know when she was entering the house due to privacy and that I was not trying to hurt her feelings. She's now upset with me and says she doesn't know when she will visit us again. I am tired of being the second fiddle to her. Am I overreacting? It seems I can't win with this! -- KEYED UP IN ALABAMA

DEAR KEYED UP: This is not a matter of playing second fiddle or any other instrument. Your husband should ask his mother for the key back. By doing this now, it will establish your independence. If he can't find the courage to insist upon the privacy you both deserve, change the locks.