DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter, "Katie," leaves her nice clothes, wet towels and debris strewn around her room. She stays with me half the time, and her mother the other half. She's involved in activities and Advanced Placement courses in school, so when she gets home, she studies or needs to sleep. I remind her to pick her things up off the floor, but she rarely does it.

I keep going back and forth on the correct way to handle this. Should I just leave them and allow Katie to live in a mess until she gets sick of it, or straighten up ahead of time so when she comes over her room is tidy, and maybe she'll realize it's how the place should always look? She's a sweet, loving and considerate kid, but, frankly, she gets very dramatic -- especially when she's hormonal -- which makes it hard for a rational conversation. Thank you for any help you can offer. --FRUSTRATED FATHER IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED FATHER: You and your ex-wife may be divorced, but you need to be on the same page when it comes to parenting. Ask her if she allows clothing and towels to be left on the floor of Katie's room and, if not, how she handles it. Even if it doesn't bother your ex, you should still remind your daughter that when she gets to college, she'll be a more desirable roommate if she keeps her living quarters tidy, and that it would be better for her to acquire the habit now. Be sure she knows you are saying it to help her, not to be an ogre. It's your house, and you should be making the rules.

DEAR ABBY: Recently some of my extended family had dinner together at a restaurant. After the waiter brought our meal to the table, my adult nephew asked all 10 of us to pause before eating while he "offered thanks" for the meal. Most of the family is religious and may not have minded doing it even though they never do it themselves in public. However, some of us are not religious and never pray before meals, something everyone there has known for decades.

If we gather at someone's house, we follow the custom of the host and there's no objection, but I think it's presumptuous to insist on making everyone wait while they perform this ritual in public. No one will mind you praying silently to yourself, but please be considerate of others and refrain from turning every gathering into your personal prayer meeting. -- GODLESS IN TEXAS

DEAR GODLESS: Unless your nephew was delivering a sermon and you were experiencing symptoms of hypoglycemia, I don't think it was a great imposition to wait until he said the blessing.

That said, because you felt imposed upon, say something to your nephew -- or, because you know that he does this, pass on the next dinner invitation.

DEAR ABBY: I just recently had my heart broken. After this girl left me, I started talking to some other girls I like, and they like me back. The problem is, I want to date these girls, but I don't want to just date one and have the others be sad because I didn't choose them. What should I do? -- KEEPING EVERYONE HAPPY

DEAR KEEPING: Explain to the girls that you like them, but you have been through a recent painful breakup and you are not ready for another exclusive relationship right now. It's called "playing the field," and it's also the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I've been best friends with "Mary" since we were 13. We're 23 now. We tell each other everything and are as close as sisters. We went to high school together, but I graduated and Mary dropped out in senior year with the intention of finishing up later. She never did. She does want a GED, but her lack of a degree hasn't been a big issue because she got married and had a kid, and her husband works.

Lately, Mary has confided (and I've seen) that their marriage is troubled. There's a real possibility that she will soon be on her own with a kid, no job experience, no high school diploma and nowhere to go. Aside from raising her kid (who she adores and is her whole life), she has no hobbies or projects, nothing to look forward to or to pour her energy into. It's literally just "wake up, watch the kid, clean, cook, sleep." I think it's taking a toll on her and she's depressed. I want to help Mary, but I don't know how. I don't want to get into her personal business, but I also don't want to see her thrown into a terrible situation. Any advice? -- CLOSE AS SISTERS

DEAR CLOSE AS SISTERS: It's time to have a frank talk with your friend about the trouble in her marriage and that you are concerned she may be depressed. While you're at it, tell her how important it is that she get that GED. If she does, she may gain the confidence to improve other aspects of her life. Then keep your fingers crossed that Mary will listen and heed your advice.

DEAR ABBY: When we are young, nothing prepares us for watching our parents grow old. Sometimes we must make the difficult decision about putting Mom or Dad in an assisted living facility. Making it even more difficult, there may have been promises made about never putting someone in assisted living.

Abby, please remind your readers not to make promises they can't keep. Sometimes kids must make decisions based on what's best for our parents to ensure they are cared for when they can no longer care for themselves and the kids can't be there 24/7. Going against someone's wishes is very difficult, but it's important to remember that these decisions are made because you care about and love the person. -- CARES VERY MUCH IN UTAH

DEAR CARES: I think what most seniors fear about being put into assisted living or a nursing home is that once they are there, they will be forgotten or ignored by their families. While making this kind of decision is difficult, I agree that it is sometimes necessary. However, when relocating a parent is necessary, family members should make every effort to visit and to make sure their loved one is included in every activity that person is capable of enjoying. Unfortunately, if that doesn't happen, the person in the institution is left feeling unloved and abandoned.

DEAR ABBY: I recently got married at the courthouse. We had been considering it for months. (A courthouse wedding doesn't take a lot of planning.) We decided it was best for us and went for it. We didn't want to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, and I'm not one for tradition. We invited immediate family and two of our friends.

My grandmother made excuses not to come, saying, "Not enough space," and, "I'm taking care of my grandchildren." It hurt my feelings that she didn't want to be there. Both my parents have passed away, and I wanted what family I have left around me. However, I now know that my grandmother didn't want to come because she's "traditional." She assumed I'm pregnant. (I'm not.) Many other people are also assuming that I'm pregnant because we didn't announce it and did it at the courthouse.

I'm a private person and don't feel the need to tell everyone everything that's going on in my life. My grandmother is currently not speaking to me. Should I tell her I know she was talking to our family behind my back? How do I tell her how much she hurt my feelings by staying away, assuming something and spreading rumors? What should I say to my family who are hurt because I didn't invite them? What should I tell people who think I'm pregnant? Should I just leave it alone, and in nine months they'll realize how stupid they were for assuming? -- NOT PREGNANT IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT PREGNANT: Not every couple wants a large, formal wedding. Many people -- like you and your husband -- prefer to put the money toward a down payment on a house, paying off credit card debt or travel. If your grandmother thought you might be pregnant, she should have asked you. If you would like to tell her you were hurt that she wasn't with you when you pledged your vows, feel free to do so. And while you're at it, point out that you have "heard through the grapevine" that she has been telling people you are pregnant, which you're not. (She should be ashamed of herself.) And explain to anyone who feels hurt not to have been invited that you kept your wedding small for financial reasons, not because you had to rush into anything.

DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question about differences in time zones. My son is currently serving in the military overseas, and there is a 14-hour time difference. My question is: When we talk to him on the phone before we go to bed, do we tell him good night, even though it is morning or early afternoon for him? -- DIFFERENT TIME ZONES

DEAR DIFFERENT TIME ZONES: Because you are in a zone in which it is night, it's only natural that you would say good night before signing off. If it bothers your son, which I doubt, ask him what he would prefer that you say.