DEAR ABBY: I've been best friends with "Mary" since we were 13. We're 23 now. We tell each other everything and are as close as sisters. We went to high school together, but I graduated and Mary dropped out in senior year with the intention of finishing up later. She never did. She does want a GED, but her lack of a degree hasn't been a big issue because she got married and had a kid, and her husband works.

Lately, Mary has confided (and I've seen) that their marriage is troubled. There's a real possibility that she will soon be on her own with a kid, no job experience, no high school diploma and nowhere to go. Aside from raising her kid (who she adores and is her whole life), she has no hobbies or projects, nothing to look forward to or to pour her energy into. It's literally just "wake up, watch the kid, clean, cook, sleep." I think it's taking a toll on her and she's depressed. I want to help Mary, but I don't know how. I don't want to get into her personal business, but I also don't want to see her thrown into a terrible situation. Any advice? -- CLOSE AS SISTERS

DEAR CLOSE AS SISTERS: It's time to have a frank talk with your friend about the trouble in her marriage and that you are concerned she may be depressed. While you're at it, tell her how important it is that she get that GED. If she does, she may gain the confidence to improve other aspects of her life. Then keep your fingers crossed that Mary will listen and heed your advice.

DEAR ABBY: When we are young, nothing prepares us for watching our parents grow old. Sometimes we must make the difficult decision about putting Mom or Dad in an assisted living facility. Making it even more difficult, there may have been promises made about never putting someone in assisted living.

Abby, please remind your readers not to make promises they can't keep. Sometimes kids must make decisions based on what's best for our parents to ensure they are cared for when they can no longer care for themselves and the kids can't be there 24/7. Going against someone's wishes is very difficult, but it's important to remember that these decisions are made because you care about and love the person. -- CARES VERY MUCH IN UTAH

DEAR CARES: I think what most seniors fear about being put into assisted living or a nursing home is that once they are there, they will be forgotten or ignored by their families. While making this kind of decision is difficult, I agree that it is sometimes necessary. However, when relocating a parent is necessary, family members should make every effort to visit and to make sure their loved one is included in every activity that person is capable of enjoying. Unfortunately, if that doesn't happen, the person in the institution is left feeling unloved and abandoned.

DEAR ABBY: I recently got married at the courthouse. We had been considering it for months. (A courthouse wedding doesn't take a lot of planning.) We decided it was best for us and went for it. We didn't want to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, and I'm not one for tradition. We invited immediate family and two of our friends.

My grandmother made excuses not to come, saying, "Not enough space," and, "I'm taking care of my grandchildren." It hurt my feelings that she didn't want to be there. Both my parents have passed away, and I wanted what family I have left around me. However, I now know that my grandmother didn't want to come because she's "traditional." She assumed I'm pregnant. (I'm not.) Many other people are also assuming that I'm pregnant because we didn't announce it and did it at the courthouse.

I'm a private person and don't feel the need to tell everyone everything that's going on in my life. My grandmother is currently not speaking to me. Should I tell her I know she was talking to our family behind my back? How do I tell her how much she hurt my feelings by staying away, assuming something and spreading rumors? What should I say to my family who are hurt because I didn't invite them? What should I tell people who think I'm pregnant? Should I just leave it alone, and in nine months they'll realize how stupid they were for assuming? -- NOT PREGNANT IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT PREGNANT: Not every couple wants a large, formal wedding. Many people -- like you and your husband -- prefer to put the money toward a down payment on a house, paying off credit card debt or travel. If your grandmother thought you might be pregnant, she should have asked you. If you would like to tell her you were hurt that she wasn't with you when you pledged your vows, feel free to do so. And while you're at it, point out that you have "heard through the grapevine" that she has been telling people you are pregnant, which you're not. (She should be ashamed of herself.) And explain to anyone who feels hurt not to have been invited that you kept your wedding small for financial reasons, not because you had to rush into anything.

DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question about differences in time zones. My son is currently serving in the military overseas, and there is a 14-hour time difference. My question is: When we talk to him on the phone before we go to bed, do we tell him good night, even though it is morning or early afternoon for him? -- DIFFERENT TIME ZONES

DEAR DIFFERENT TIME ZONES: Because you are in a zone in which it is night, it's only natural that you would say good night before signing off. If it bothers your son, which I doubt, ask him what he would prefer that you say.

DEAR ABBY: How should I tell my father that I have chosen a career he never wanted me to consider? I plan to become a police officer. Abby, all my life I have felt the call to help people. I know a career in law enforcement brings with it the possibility of danger, especially in today's climate. But I have always known I would be the person running toward danger while everyone else is running away from it. I am passionate about this, and my wife fully supports it.

The issue is, my father was a police officer. He hated every minute of it. He has always said he never wanted me to take that path. I understand all he wants is to keep me safe. At the same time, I don't want to miss out on this career. I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting that I didn't follow my heart and do something I know I would have success with. Should I go through with the testing and, if I am selected, tell him then? Please help, because this is keeping me up at night. -- FOLLOWING MY HEART

DEAR FOLLOWING: Your father loves you, but he cannot -- and should not -- dictate how you live your life. A career in law enforcement is not for everyone for the reason you mentioned. It would have been helpful if you had explained exactly what it was about policing that made him hate it, assuming that he told you.

When he finds out, expect him to be very upset and possibly angry about your choice. But I see no reason why you should upset him before finding out if you qualify for a job in law enforcement. If you do pass the exams, give him the news then.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law recently asked me for parenting advice. Our kids are about the same age, and she has been having issues with her preschooler's behavior that I don't have with my son.

Abby, the reason her kid is out of control is she and her husband don't give him any limits. They don't believe in saying "no" and try instead to "guide him to positive choices." They never discipline him, even when he hits or screams at them, and as a result, he's mean and disrespectful. Little kids are uncomfortable with that much freedom.

Even though she asked, I don't think my sister-in-law really wants my advice, at least not the advice I would like to give her. So what do I say when she asks? It's clear they need help, but I'm judgmental and probably not a good messenger. I tried loaning her a parenting book I've used, but it didn't take. -- PARENTING ADVICE IN CANADA

DEAR P.A.: Your sister-in-law may simply be venting her frustration when she dumps on you. When she asks for advice again, tell her that because you haven't faced the problems she's encountering, you don't feel "qualified" to advise her. Then suggest she ask her pediatrician for guidance.