DEAR ABBY: I recently got married at the courthouse. We had been considering it for months. (A courthouse wedding doesn't take a lot of planning.) We decided it was best for us and went for it. We didn't want to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, and I'm not one for tradition. We invited immediate family and two of our friends.

My grandmother made excuses not to come, saying, "Not enough space," and, "I'm taking care of my grandchildren." It hurt my feelings that she didn't want to be there. Both my parents have passed away, and I wanted what family I have left around me. However, I now know that my grandmother didn't want to come because she's "traditional." She assumed I'm pregnant. (I'm not.) Many other people are also assuming that I'm pregnant because we didn't announce it and did it at the courthouse.

I'm a private person and don't feel the need to tell everyone everything that's going on in my life. My grandmother is currently not speaking to me. Should I tell her I know she was talking to our family behind my back? How do I tell her how much she hurt my feelings by staying away, assuming something and spreading rumors? What should I say to my family who are hurt because I didn't invite them? What should I tell people who think I'm pregnant? Should I just leave it alone, and in nine months they'll realize how stupid they were for assuming? -- NOT PREGNANT IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT PREGNANT: Not every couple wants a large, formal wedding. Many people -- like you and your husband -- prefer to put the money toward a down payment on a house, paying off credit card debt or travel. If your grandmother thought you might be pregnant, she should have asked you. If you would like to tell her you were hurt that she wasn't with you when you pledged your vows, feel free to do so. And while you're at it, point out that you have "heard through the grapevine" that she has been telling people you are pregnant, which you're not. (She should be ashamed of herself.) And explain to anyone who feels hurt not to have been invited that you kept your wedding small for financial reasons, not because you had to rush into anything.

DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question about differences in time zones. My son is currently serving in the military overseas, and there is a 14-hour time difference. My question is: When we talk to him on the phone before we go to bed, do we tell him good night, even though it is morning or early afternoon for him? -- DIFFERENT TIME ZONES

DEAR DIFFERENT TIME ZONES: Because you are in a zone in which it is night, it's only natural that you would say good night before signing off. If it bothers your son, which I doubt, ask him what he would prefer that you say.

DEAR ABBY: How should I tell my father that I have chosen a career he never wanted me to consider? I plan to become a police officer. Abby, all my life I have felt the call to help people. I know a career in law enforcement brings with it the possibility of danger, especially in today's climate. But I have always known I would be the person running toward danger while everyone else is running away from it. I am passionate about this, and my wife fully supports it.

The issue is, my father was a police officer. He hated every minute of it. He has always said he never wanted me to take that path. I understand all he wants is to keep me safe. At the same time, I don't want to miss out on this career. I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting that I didn't follow my heart and do something I know I would have success with. Should I go through with the testing and, if I am selected, tell him then? Please help, because this is keeping me up at night. -- FOLLOWING MY HEART

DEAR FOLLOWING: Your father loves you, but he cannot -- and should not -- dictate how you live your life. A career in law enforcement is not for everyone for the reason you mentioned. It would have been helpful if you had explained exactly what it was about policing that made him hate it, assuming that he told you.

When he finds out, expect him to be very upset and possibly angry about your choice. But I see no reason why you should upset him before finding out if you qualify for a job in law enforcement. If you do pass the exams, give him the news then.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law recently asked me for parenting advice. Our kids are about the same age, and she has been having issues with her preschooler's behavior that I don't have with my son.

Abby, the reason her kid is out of control is she and her husband don't give him any limits. They don't believe in saying "no" and try instead to "guide him to positive choices." They never discipline him, even when he hits or screams at them, and as a result, he's mean and disrespectful. Little kids are uncomfortable with that much freedom.

Even though she asked, I don't think my sister-in-law really wants my advice, at least not the advice I would like to give her. So what do I say when she asks? It's clear they need help, but I'm judgmental and probably not a good messenger. I tried loaning her a parenting book I've used, but it didn't take. -- PARENTING ADVICE IN CANADA

DEAR P.A.: Your sister-in-law may simply be venting her frustration when she dumps on you. When she asks for advice again, tell her that because you haven't faced the problems she's encountering, you don't feel "qualified" to advise her. Then suggest she ask her pediatrician for guidance.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out that my boyfriend of 12 years slept with my stepmother last year. She doesn't know I know, and now that I do, I struggle with it. Should I tell my dad what I found out, confront her or let sleeping dogs lie? I am deeply hurt. I feel like my heart has been torn out. How can I forgive and forget this? -- WOUNDED IN UTAH

DEAR WOUNDED: How did you happen upon this news? Did your boyfriend tell you? Unless you are absolutely certain it's true, do nothing. If you are certain, get rid of this poor excuse for a "boyfriend." And tell your father and stepmother what you know and how hurt you are.

DEAR ABBY: You always tell us to consider whether we would be better off with or without somebody. What if it's your sister? My sister and I are of retirement age and had a falling out. I felt she had become too needy, and she was very hurt when I told her so. She is awaiting my apology, which has been the pattern of our lives. Although we live 30 miles apart, I have no desire to contact her.

Because I was usually the one she went to for advice and companionship, I feel guilty for "abandoning" her and often wonder if she's OK. We are both healthy and self-sufficient. I love her because she's my sister, but I can truly say my life is easier and less complicated without her. The thought of contacting her is too much to bear. On the other hand, she's my sister. -- BETTER OFF IN COLORADO

DEAR BETTER OFF: You say your life is better off and less complicated without your needy sibling, and that you have no desire to contact her. OK. So what exactly is your question? Are you waiting for me to "order" you to call her and apologize? The price for that will be shouldering again the burden of her neediness. If you're worried about how she's doing, ask someone who is in touch with her. But hold a good thought. If you have heard nothing, she's probably fine. Bad news has a way of traveling fast.

DEAR ABBY: When we got married, I thought even though he told "everyone" he did it because he had to, that he truly did love me. But as the years have passed, I have realized that maybe he was telling the truth and he did marry me for that reason rather than for love. I feel unloved most of the time. Lately, I have been thinking maybe it's time to just move on. What's your advice? -- FEELING TORN

DEAR FEELING TORN: Rather than dwell on something your husband said in the past, raise the subject again. And when you do, tell him you are doing it because you feel unloved most of the time. If he tells you he meant it then and still feels that way, my advice is to ask yourself if this is the kind of marriage you want for the rest of your life. Some women are so afraid of the unknown that they would stay in this kind of marriage, regardless of the pain. Because I assume you have a child, you and your husband need to figure out if you can improve your relationship. If not, then it may be time to move on.