DEAR ABBY: After being together for a year, my boyfriend and I recently moved in together. Since then he hasn't been home much. We don't spend time together the way we used to when we first started dating. He has changed a lot.

I have kids from a previous relationship. My boyfriend recently told me he always wanted to be the first guy to give a girl her first child. I just want to know if I should let him go or try to fight for him because I'm in love with him. -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN CHICAGO

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Your boyfriend knew you had children when he began dating you. I think it is time the two of you have another conversation about what he told you, because he may have been rehearsing his exit speech. Life rarely turns out the way we fantasize that it will. If he is considering ending your relationship in order to "give a girl her first child," the sooner you know about it, the better -- for you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and father have been divorced for eight years. Since then, she has found a younger guy who is about eight years older than I am. I'm 23.

The age difference always bothered me, but what bothers me even more is she's always doing for him and he gives her nothing in return. Since day one I have been convinced he's using her for shelter and food. However, she can't seem to recognize it. I don't know what to do, Abby. I'm just tired of my mom being used by men. -- DAUGHTER IN DELAWARE

DEAR DAUGHTER: I appreciate your concerns about your mother, but until she's ready to admit to herself that what's happening is part of an ongoing pattern, nothing will change. She is doing this for a reason -- or more than one. Her self-esteem may be so low she doesn't believe she deserves better, she may be so desperate to have a man in her life that she's willing to literally pay the price, or she may believe having a man so much younger is a trophy.

You cannot live your mother's life for her, but you can learn from it. Concentrate on making the best life you can for yourself. If you do, those efforts will be well spent.

DEAR ABBY: I did something really selfish and stupid. I got involved with a married man, and it lasted several years. When his wife found out, everything blew up. She wrote me a letter saying she needed closure and to let me know how I destroyed her self-esteem. She questioned my morals and berated me for my actions.

I deeply regret what I did, and I am filled with remorse. I want her to know how sorry I am, and I have written a response to her letter. I did it partly because I needed to put my feelings down in words and to express my sadness for all the pain I caused.

I am sure she never wants to hear from me again, but I need to apologize and let her know I'll regret what I did for the rest of my life. Should I send it? -- FULL OF SADNESS AND REMORSE

DEAR FULL: I think you have done enough already. Because you are sure the woman never wants to hear from you again, don't send it. While she deserves an apology for your part in her husband's infidelity, I seriously doubt it will lessen her pain, even as it eases your guilt.

DEAR ABBY: My son just got a job in Europe and has invited me to visit when he and his family are settled. I have never traveled out of the country, and I'm excited to go. I suggested staying at least a month, and he and his wife agreed.

When I told my sister, she excitedly told me she'd like to come along. We would be very happy to have this time together because she lives across the country, and we don't see each other often.

We are in good health, but her husband has many health issues. He falls a lot and has had concussions while using his walker. He coughs almost constantly, uses CPAP at night, takes multiple medications throughout the day and needs to stop often to rest and catch his breath. He also needs frequent naps.

We are all around 70, and Sis and I want to go while we are still in good health. She has not told Hubby about the monthlong trip to Europe because she knows he will want to come. He would not be alone at home. Their two adult children and four grandchildren live in their large home and can assist him with food, doctor appointments, etc. We also have a brother who takes him out once a week.

I'm thinking the best way of letting him know the trip is out for him would be to have his doctor explain why it's not advisable. Any other suggestions would be most appreciated. -- EUROPE-BOUND

DEAR EUROPE-BOUND: If your sister truly plans to take a monthlong trip to Europe while her husband has one foot on a banana peel, then she should be the one to break the news to him. If she needs backup, I'm sure the doctor can explain to him why it would be too risky for him to tag along.

My questions would be, how do your son and his wife feel about you bringing along an extra guest (guests?) for a month, and if something terrible should happen to your sister's husband in her absence, could she live with the guilt?

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, when I was trying to get into a professional school, I took some classes to prepare for the entrance exam. It cost my dad money to put me through the training. A few of my classmates/friends asked me to share the training material with them. Because it was expensive and I was preparing for a competitive exam, which they were also taking, I refused.

Long story short, none of us passed the exam. We moved on and have all become successful in life, but that incident haunts me all these years (decades) later. I was living outside of the U.S. for a long time, so I didn't try to get in touch with them or discuss why I behaved the way I did. I am likely to meet them in the near future, and I don't know how to handle this if it comes up. What do you think I should do? -- REMEMBERING THE EARLY DAYS

DEAR REMEMBERING: It is entirely possible that these individuals will not remember the incident. If they raise the subject, apologize and explain to them the reasons you were reluctant to share the material. If they don't mention it, then let it lie.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law "June" is being married soon. I will be the matron of honor. My husband, "Jake," June's brother, will be a groomsman for her fiance, "Jimmy." Not only is Jake going to be a groomsman, but he's also supposed to officiate.

Jake went to the bachelor party a couple weeks ago and Jimmy showed all the guys -- including my husband -- eight (!) naked pictures a girl from work had texted him. He asked my husband if he should tell June about it before the wedding or after, and Jake said he should tell her right away.

Should my husband tell June or leave it up to Jimmy, who may or may not do it? (We don't know what his plans may be about the girl who sent the pictures.) -- LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT THING TO DO

DEAR LOOKING: Jimmy may or may not have "plans" for a fling with the woman who texted him the pictures -- or it may have already happened. (He could also be an immature braggart, which is why he shared the photos with the other "stags" at the party.) Because Jake now has concerns about Jimmy's character, he should reiterate to Jimmy that if June isn't told before she makes a lifetime commitment, he will tell her. He should also refuse to officiate at a wedding he fears may be a huge mistake.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has late stage dementia and is in a long-term care center. He had several affairs during our marriage, and if the tables were turned, I'm sure he would be involved with other women while I was receiving care. I realize I should have left him years ago. I visit him several times a month but not every day. I do it out of commitment, not love. Sometimes I feel guilty for not going more often.

I guess I'm asking you for permission to see him when I have time but not every day. I also would like to encourage people who have lost faith in their spouse to make the break before any serious illness sets in. I have no interest in finding another man, but I feel tied down with the burden of seeing him through to the end. -- HANGING IN THERE IN OHIO

DEAR HANGING IN: Have a realistic talk with that conscience of yours. Surely the two of you can reach a compromise. This is not the time to punish your husband for his infidelity.

Under the circumstances, because you don't feel your husband deserves to be visited daily, visit a couple of times a week to ensure that he is being properly looked after. And if he isn't, make it your mission to ensure the situation is remedied, as you would want someone to do for you.

DEAR ABBY: This is embarrassing. I am 30 and don't drive. I have extreme anxiety and a learning disorder that affects my visual spatial perception. I try to hide this as much as possible, but I'm worried the truth will come out. Should I disclose it to employers? New friends? Acquaintances? -- PANICKED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PANICKED: If there is a medical reason for your inability to perform certain tasks, your employer should be informed. However, I see no reason to reveal this to acquaintances or new friends. Fewer people drive these days, and many of them don't because of the expense involved or access to public transportation.