DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a friend's party that was being given to celebrate their son's 18th birthday. I thought it would be cheeky and fun to buy him a risque card from an adult boutique, thinking everyone would get a good laugh, and we'd have something to roast the young man with. When he opened the card, he had this look of horror on his face, ran out of the room all teary-eyed and went directly to his bedroom. His mother picked up the card and immediately asked me to leave. I was really embarrassed but unsure about the reason.

I gave them a week or so to cool off. I called back only to be informed by the mother that I had violated her son's sanctity of sexual orientation because he identifies as a "they" and "prefers androgynous boys to women." She went on to explain that as a result of my "indiscriminate sexism," I'm no longer allowed around the family.

I feel I should've been informed of the child's orientation being such an important aspect of his ... or rather, "their" identity, and tried to explain it was an honest mistake and would never happen again. My friend said the damage was done, and they can't forgive that kind of arrogance and blatant disrespect for "their" gender identity and sexual orientation.

Was I insensitive for not asking first, or should the parents have taken the initiative to inform me so I wouldn't make such an egregious error in what I assumed was a well-rounded friendship? Any advice would be great. -- WANTING TO SCREAM IN EUGENE

DEAR WANTING: I think one lesson to be learned here is that some people are not comfortable with sexual humor. Another is that it is a mistake to assume that everyone is straight or cisgender.

I'm sorry that the young person was embarrassed. Your apology should have been directed at them, not their mother. But since the mother has now decreed you persona non grata, you will have to accept it. It's unfortunate. The family overreacted. What could have been handled as a simple teachable moment was blown out of proportion.

DEAR ABBY: I am about to blow my top! I am a married father of two in the military who works 12 hours daily to support my family. My wife and I are college grads and have been married five years. For those years we have maintained residence in Hawaii. My wife doesn't work and tries to run a day care that is mildly successful.

Our home is always dirty because, as she puts it, she is not a housemaid. She doesn't cook often either. Many times I come home so tired I can't see, and the house is a mess. This has caused arguments.

My thinking is, if she's not going to take care of the house, she should get a job and help with the finances. The money she gets from the day care doesn't go toward the household. She considers it her spending money.

I am ready to bounce and find greener pastures. I have tried talking to her, but she ignores my complaints and plays the victim. We have already tried counseling. It doesn't work because she goes back to her normal self afterward. Help! -- PEEVED IN THE PACIFIC

DEAR PEEVED: Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and, from what you have written, your wife is unwilling to contribute to it. I can't change her and neither can you. Because counseling hasn't resolved your obvious lack of compatibility, it's time to consult a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old single woman who recently started dating again after four years of total abstinence. My two adult daughters, ages 18 and 22, live at home with me.

My dilemma: I am smitten, to say the least, with an attractive, supportive and very loving man. I have invited him over and introduced him to the girls, which went well until the other night, when my 22-year-old overheard us being intimate (her bedroom is next to mine). There was no screaming or anything lewd, no nudity or PDA, but I happen to have a slightly noisy bed.

She now refuses to sleep in her room and sent me a text telling me she wants to live with her dad because she thinks it's disgusting. I'm not sure how to feel. On one hand, I think she needs to grow up, but at the same time, I don't want to be the cause of her discomfort.

I explained to her that I'm happy after being alone for so long and perhaps she could be happy for me. My partner thinks she's jealous of our new relationship. The 18-year-old couldn't care less.

My question is, am I behaving inappropriately? Don't I have just as much right to enjoy my home as they do? -- GETTING BACK TO IT IN NEW YORK

DEAR GETTING BACK: I can see how your young adult daughter might be uncomfortable being confronted with her mother's sexual activity, to the musical accompaniment of squeaking bed springs. Most people have a hard time accepting their parents as sexual beings. You didn't mention whether your daughter's father would welcome this daughter moving in with him. If he's all for it, that would be the way to deal with her discomfort.

DEAR ABBY: I've been happily married for 13 years. Over the last few years we have experienced our brushes with the prospect of infidelity, but we remain committed to each other. While our marriage is a healthy and happy one, our commitment to each other has recently come into question, and we have been fighting more than usual.

Recently, a good friend of mine since almost childhood -- and brief lover in my early 20s -- with whom I have maintained friendly contact over the years, propositioned me. He said he has never fallen out of love with me and will continue to wait. I cut off my relationship with him without agreeing to an affair (or anything else) and have moved on with my marriage.

My concern is, now I feel this urge to let my husband know about the exchange, mostly to reinforce my commitment to him and maintain transparency. But part of me is afraid that bringing it up will cause more upset, and maybe I should keep it to myself. What should I do? -- NEEDING SOME GUIDANCE

DEAR NEEDING: Not all of our urges are meant to be acted upon. Be honest about your motive. What do you think telling your husband will accomplish? Will it bring you closer to each other, or remind him that you are attractive to other men and make him jealous? Will it anger him enough to want to punch your old friend and former lover in the nose? If this is a possibility, some things are better left unsaid.

DEAR ABBY: I have a concern as a grandmother about our youngest grandchild, age 10. He is addicted to video games. There has been quite a lot of publicity on how bad this can be for children.

When we visit, he never comes to greet us or even to talk to us. Once when we were getting ready to go out to dinner, he was screaming at his mom and stomping his feet so hard that the ceiling light was shaking.

We love our daughter-in-law very much, but we feel she wants to be her kids' "friend" and not a mom. She's a teacher and is well-educated. Our son, who is also well-educated, does none of the disciplining as far as we can see. We can't figure it out.

This grandson is only 10 now, but it won't be long until he's 13. I am afraid he will get violent with his mom or even hurt himself. Should we mind our own business and just look away? We have never interfered in our children's business. -- WORRIED GRANDPARENT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WORRIED: A 10-year-old child having a full-blown tantrum (which is what you describe) is not normal. He should have learned to regulate his emotions by now. There may be things going on with your grandson that you're not aware of. I do think you should mention to your son and daughter-in-law that you are concerned and why.

DEAR ABBY: We have lived next door to a woman with a short temper for 20 years. Our driveways are extremely long. Hers has a big slope on the side closer to our home, which she cannot mow with her tractor. She asked us to mow that area with our push mower because she doesn't have one, so for the past 15 years, we have. It takes only 10 minutes, so we really don't mind at all.

Last Friday, I was running late to go out of town. I didn't spend as much time as usual on the yard, and I received this text from her: "Good evening. I really appreciate that you and (your husband) keep the strip between our houses mowed, but I just paid $400 to get my driveway power washed. That's a lot of money to get it all moldy again so quickly, so can one of you please come and sweep off the driveway before the rain starts falling tomorrow?" My husband went and spent the 60 seconds it took to sweep it, but I don't know how to reply to her text. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. -- MOWED DOWN IN THE EAST

DEAR MOWED DOWN: Is your neighbor so infirm or aged that she is physically unable to sweep her driveway? If the answer is yes, then let it ride. If the answer is no, text her back and offer to buy her a broom.

DEAR ABBY: If I have several guests sitting around chatting, and they start getting loud discussing politics or religion, would it be rude for me to say, "No discussing politics or religion"? Some friends become very loud. I guess they think if they yell, people will abide by what they have to say. -- MEDIATING IN TEXAS

DEAR MEDIATING: It would not be rude to say, "Hey, folks, this is getting heated, so let's change the subject. Now."