DEAR ABBY: My newly retired husband and I lead a nice life and are in good health. Our two girls are grown and established. Our battle is over my husband "taking back" some of the duties I have performed for years, like paying and mailing out our monthly bills, some of which I pay in person.

This task is easy for me and never a hardship. We have excellent credit. He now wants all the bills to come to him online, and he'll pay them online, leaving me out of the process. He knows I enjoyed doing it and considered it my purview.

I want to continue to handle bill paying as I always have, occasionally taking a statement to a department store or whatever. Paying for checks is not a problem for us. I use a debit card for regular shopping and a credit card in certain stores. I am not a spend-a-holic.

My husband paying bills online cuts me out of the process, and I don't like it. I prefer the method I have used for decades. Is this more of a control issue than anything else? Any ideas? -- STIFLED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STIFLED: Yes, it is a control issue. It is also an indication that your husband doesn't have enough to do. Because the bill paying is partly a social outlet for you, you should not allow the task to be taken over. Tell your husband he needs to find something else to do -- mow the lawn, paint the garage, volunteer his time -- but not the bill paying because it makes you uncomfortable.

A compromise might be for him to pay some of the bills online and you pay the rest. However, if something unexpected happens to your husband (illness, death, murder?), you absolutely must know how the online system works so you can assume the task seamlessly.

DEAR ABBY: I met my husband 22 years ago and decided to move in with him. I was 21. My mother has never approved of him. He is a blue-collar, hardworking, huge-hearted man. We fell hard for each other, and I didn't care that he wasn't rich. I know Mom was disappointed that I didn't marry a doctor or a lawyer. Instead, I married the man I fell in love with.

The last 22 years haven't been easy. She acts like she accepts him, but then she says horrible things about him. We both have helped my parents during some difficult times, but she still says things that hurt like, "I'm glad you two never had kids."

Well, lo and behold, I ended up getting pregnant at 40, and we have an amazing son together. I keep trying to start over with Mom, especially since my son was born, but she has continued her evil ways.

I'm finally done with her, and my husband and I have decided to move to another state where my husband's family lives so our son can grow up surrounded by loving people. I feel sad, but my mother is not willing to accept us. Am I doing the right thing by moving? (My father passed away, and we hung in through her verbal abuse just to make sure Dad was well taken care of.) -- ANXIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR ANXIOUS: I'm sorry for what you and your husband have been put through. You have clearly tried to make the relationship with your mother work. Because you are a mother now, focus on creating a happy life for your son, your husband and yourself. You are doing the right thing for the right reasons. Your mother is toxic. Bon voyage!

DEAR ABBY: I have an extensive history of childhood trauma. I was sexually abused by my stepfather for 15 years. When I turned him in, my family turned their backs on me. I was told it could have been handled within the family, and they blamed me for acting "sexy." My stepfather spent 10 years in prison and died a few years later.

I suffer from chronic mental health issues including PTSD, anxiety and suicide ideation, which have landed me in the hospital 10 times in the last two years. My mother wants to have a relationship with me, but she refuses to apologize or acknowledge the abuse even happened.

In some ways, the betrayal by my mother has hurt me more than the abuse. I feel guilty for not trying to work on a relationship with her, but on the other hand, I don't feel my heart can handle any more rejection from her. We live states apart. What should I do? -- SURVIVOR IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SURVIVOR: If you haven't talked about this with a licensed psychotherapist, please do it before making a decision about something this important. I'm not a therapist, but I think it would be healthier for you to keep your distance from someone who prefers living in denial rather than facing reality.

At the very least, you are owed an apology for the way you were treated by "the family." You did nothing wrong. The person who should feel guilty is your mother. Blowing the whistle on the child molester she married was the right thing to do. ("Handle it within the family"?!) I can only wonder how many other young family members your stepfather may have abused in addition to you.

DEAR ABBY: My three sons are all engaged and plan on being married over the next three years. Their mother and I are separated and will be splitting the cost of the rehearsal dinner.

I told the first one to be engaged that while I will pay for the rehearsal dinner, I will not pay for a bartender or alcoholic drinks. I have been in emergency services for more than 35 years and have seen firsthand the effects of alcohol too many times. I no longer drink socially because of it. Although I explained this to my sons as they grew up, they have chosen to drink socially as adults. It is their choice, and I accept it.

The fiancee of my second son to be married has sent us a price quote from a venue that includes costs for a bartender. (The total is more than twice that of the first son's.) I plan to discuss this with him, but I'd like your opinion: Am I wrong to make this stipulation, given the fact that this is "their" event? -- TEETOTALER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TEETOTALER: You are not wrong. You made that stipulation to Son No. 1, and in fairness, you should do the same with Son No. 2. While it will be his and his fiancee's event, and you are generously paying for the dinner, you are under no obligation to pay for their booze.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful mother-in-law whom I love very much. She frequently stays overnight in my home. I also have two young sons.

My mother-in-law recently mentioned to me that she doesn't wear underwear to bed and never has, including while staying at my house. I'm troubled by this because she wears nightgowns to bed, and I'm afraid my sons might accidentally see her lady parts. Also, she sleeps on my furniture like this, and I feel it is disrespectful and unladylike.

I don't know how to say to her that, for the sake of my furniture and my sanity, I need her to wear underwear to bed when she stays at my house. Do I broach this subject, or am I being unreasonable? -- PROPER IN OHIO

DEAR PROPER: What your mother-in-law wears to bed is her business, not yours. Unless your little boys are playing peek-a-boo underneath her nightie, they won't notice -- or care. How long is that garment anyway? If it reaches below her knees or to her ankles, there should be no "bootie contact" with your sofa. In the interest of family harmony, I recommend you take a chill pill and leave the subject alone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man who doesn't want us to be described as anything more than friends. We are together every day, and he knows I love him. We have sex, and I sleep over whenever possible. He wants me there all the time but with no status. Am I wrong for wanting more? Will there ever be more? -- NAMELESS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NAMELESS: The answers to your questions are no and no. Your "friend" wants the benefits of being a lover and none of the responsibility.

Have you talked with him about this and how it makes you feel? You are not "wrong" for wanting more, but you are mistaken if you think that being at his beck and call is the way to get the commitment he seems to be so unwilling to make. You might have better results if you quit being so available.

DEAR ABBY: I'm recently married to my second wife. We have a great relationship, but I feel like she has a better relationship with my two daughters than I do. They do everything together, and my daughters don't want to do anything that includes me.

Part of me is grateful they have such a great relationship, but I'm also jealous that my relationship with them is not as good as hers. Should I say something? I don't want to ruin what they have, but I feel neglected. Am I being selfish? Should I just ignore it and get a hobby or something? -- ENVIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR ENVIOUS: I wish you had mentioned how old your daughters are. I see nothing to be gained by not discussing this with your wife. Parenting is not supposed to be a contest.

Your daughters may not mean to exclude you, but may assume you wouldn't be interested in the things they are doing or discussing. (I'm thinking of things females like to do together.) If you let them know you're sincerely interested in joining in some of their activities, you may be surprised at how quickly they include you. Also, set a standing (monthly) breakfast or lunch date -- just you and your daughters -- so you can spend some quality time together.