DEAR ABBY: I have an extensive history of childhood trauma. I was sexually abused by my stepfather for 15 years. When I turned him in, my family turned their backs on me. I was told it could have been handled within the family, and they blamed me for acting "sexy." My stepfather spent 10 years in prison and died a few years later.

I suffer from chronic mental health issues including PTSD, anxiety and suicide ideation, which have landed me in the hospital 10 times in the last two years. My mother wants to have a relationship with me, but she refuses to apologize or acknowledge the abuse even happened.

In some ways, the betrayal by my mother has hurt me more than the abuse. I feel guilty for not trying to work on a relationship with her, but on the other hand, I don't feel my heart can handle any more rejection from her. We live states apart. What should I do? -- SURVIVOR IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SURVIVOR: If you haven't talked about this with a licensed psychotherapist, please do it before making a decision about something this important. I'm not a therapist, but I think it would be healthier for you to keep your distance from someone who prefers living in denial rather than facing reality.

At the very least, you are owed an apology for the way you were treated by "the family." You did nothing wrong. The person who should feel guilty is your mother. Blowing the whistle on the child molester she married was the right thing to do. ("Handle it within the family"?!) I can only wonder how many other young family members your stepfather may have abused in addition to you.

DEAR ABBY: My three sons are all engaged and plan on being married over the next three years. Their mother and I are separated and will be splitting the cost of the rehearsal dinner.

I told the first one to be engaged that while I will pay for the rehearsal dinner, I will not pay for a bartender or alcoholic drinks. I have been in emergency services for more than 35 years and have seen firsthand the effects of alcohol too many times. I no longer drink socially because of it. Although I explained this to my sons as they grew up, they have chosen to drink socially as adults. It is their choice, and I accept it.

The fiancee of my second son to be married has sent us a price quote from a venue that includes costs for a bartender. (The total is more than twice that of the first son's.) I plan to discuss this with him, but I'd like your opinion: Am I wrong to make this stipulation, given the fact that this is "their" event? -- TEETOTALER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TEETOTALER: You are not wrong. You made that stipulation to Son No. 1, and in fairness, you should do the same with Son No. 2. While it will be his and his fiancee's event, and you are generously paying for the dinner, you are under no obligation to pay for their booze.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful mother-in-law whom I love very much. She frequently stays overnight in my home. I also have two young sons.

My mother-in-law recently mentioned to me that she doesn't wear underwear to bed and never has, including while staying at my house. I'm troubled by this because she wears nightgowns to bed, and I'm afraid my sons might accidentally see her lady parts. Also, she sleeps on my furniture like this, and I feel it is disrespectful and unladylike.

I don't know how to say to her that, for the sake of my furniture and my sanity, I need her to wear underwear to bed when she stays at my house. Do I broach this subject, or am I being unreasonable? -- PROPER IN OHIO

DEAR PROPER: What your mother-in-law wears to bed is her business, not yours. Unless your little boys are playing peek-a-boo underneath her nightie, they won't notice -- or care. How long is that garment anyway? If it reaches below her knees or to her ankles, there should be no "bootie contact" with your sofa. In the interest of family harmony, I recommend you take a chill pill and leave the subject alone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man who doesn't want us to be described as anything more than friends. We are together every day, and he knows I love him. We have sex, and I sleep over whenever possible. He wants me there all the time but with no status. Am I wrong for wanting more? Will there ever be more? -- NAMELESS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NAMELESS: The answers to your questions are no and no. Your "friend" wants the benefits of being a lover and none of the responsibility.

Have you talked with him about this and how it makes you feel? You are not "wrong" for wanting more, but you are mistaken if you think that being at his beck and call is the way to get the commitment he seems to be so unwilling to make. You might have better results if you quit being so available.

DEAR ABBY: I'm recently married to my second wife. We have a great relationship, but I feel like she has a better relationship with my two daughters than I do. They do everything together, and my daughters don't want to do anything that includes me.

Part of me is grateful they have such a great relationship, but I'm also jealous that my relationship with them is not as good as hers. Should I say something? I don't want to ruin what they have, but I feel neglected. Am I being selfish? Should I just ignore it and get a hobby or something? -- ENVIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR ENVIOUS: I wish you had mentioned how old your daughters are. I see nothing to be gained by not discussing this with your wife. Parenting is not supposed to be a contest.

Your daughters may not mean to exclude you, but may assume you wouldn't be interested in the things they are doing or discussing. (I'm thinking of things females like to do together.) If you let them know you're sincerely interested in joining in some of their activities, you may be surprised at how quickly they include you. Also, set a standing (monthly) breakfast or lunch date -- just you and your daughters -- so you can spend some quality time together.

DEAR ABBY: My friends and family constantly ask me when I plan to get a new phone. I have a slide phone. I used to have a flip phone, which also drew the same questions. I am not a phone person. I have a land line at home with answering/messaging in place.

I am sick of the questions about my phone. I don't want a smartphone. I have my little phone for emergencies, not so everyone I know can reach me immediately. I wouldn't dream of asking people when they are going to get a better TV, newer shoes, a more expensive car, a bigger house, a more expensive handbag. Why is it that people feel the need to shame me about my phone?

It is to the point now that I may turn it off and turn it on only when I want to use it. It is becoming difficult for me to remain civil about this subject. I envision myself throwing it in the trash can next time someone asks. -- LIKE THE OLD DAYS

DEAR LIKE THE OLD DAYS: Some people view having the latest model of cellphone as a status symbol, which is why so many feel compelled to buy one as soon as a new one is released. However, while that dreaded question may be posed in terms of when you plan to buy a new phone, I suspect what the askers really mean is, "When are you going to make it easier for us to communicate with you?"

If you shut your phone off and use it only when you wish to use it, you won't be alone in the practice. While it may frustrate those who want immediate gratification, it will allow you to manage your time without unwelcome interruptions.

DEAR ABBY: Last night my wife and I, both retired M.D.s, met our daughter "Jackie," her wife, "Kelly," and Jackie's daughter for dinner at a restaurant to celebrate Jackie's 50th birthday. Kelly had called a couple of weeks ago to invite us.

My wife and I pay the check when we meet Jackie and her family to eat, which is usually brunch on Sunday, but because Kelly invited us, we were unsure whether we should last night. (Our son gets upset if we offer to pay in similar circumstances.) My wife asked Kelly at the table if we could pay for our dinners. We had already presented Jackie with a birthday card with a check for $1,000 enclosed.

Jackie texted us today, incensed that we did not pick up the check. Should we have? Jackie is a Ph.D. and makes a comfortable living. Her wife is an Ivy League graduate. -- BAFFLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BAFFLED: Your daughter's manners are appalling. Her wife invited you and your wife to the dinner, which made you HER guests. It was sweet (and generous) of your wife to ask if the two of you could pay for your meals -- in addition to the very generous gift you had given your daughter. If apologies are in order, the people who should receive them are you and your wife.