DEAR ABBY: Last week I was out with my family of 13 for dinner. My sister-in-law was sitting relaxed in her chair, stretching her back and extending her stomach. The waiter came over and, trying to make small talk, asked her, "What's the occasion? Are you pregnant?" My sister-in-law isn't pregnant, but her posture may have suggested it.

Well, my brother, her husband, went off on the man, calling him names, swearing, and causing a loud, uncomfortable scene. We all agreed the waiter was stupid to ask the question, but wasn't my brother wrong here? He embarrassed all of us, and I don't think there was any malicious intent on the part of the waiter. My brother stands behind his outburst and insists he wasn't wrong.

This has happened before, and I'm sure it will happen in the future. What's your suggestion for a better way to handle a situation like this, so maybe I can get through to my brother? -- LOST MY APPETITE IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOST: The waiter should have quit winners after he asked if your party of 13 was celebrating a special occasion. To have asked whether your SIL was pregnant was a blunder, which I am betting was reflected in his tip. While I appreciate your brother's desire to "protect" his wife, he accomplished nothing positive by creating a scene and embarrassing the family.

Because you mentioned that this has happened before and may happen in the future, it's time for "the family" to suggest he get professional help for his anger issues. If this is how he behaves in public, I shudder to imagine what he's like in private.

DEAR ABBY: When my son was 9 he was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. He is now a college grad. Because I couldn't fix his diabetes, I have tried to fix everything else in his life, and it hasn't been pretty.

He was home for a visit the day his graduate school application was due. I bulldozed him into taking some punctuation advice on his letter of intent that turned out to be wrong. A few months later a rejection letter arrived, and I'm afraid my grammatical error caused it. I'm afraid his dreams were dashed because he trusted me. He doesn't think the mistake had anything to do with the rejection, but I suspect he's trying to protect my feelings because he's such a nice person.

How important is perfect grammar on a grad school letter of intent? If my son has an above-average GPA, research experience, above-average GRE scores, but a grammatical error in his essay, could that one error put him out of contention? -- TRYING TO MEDDLE NO MORE

DEAR TRYING: I seriously doubt that a misplaced comma would cause your son to be rejected from graduate school if he had all the other necessary qualifications. Listen to what he's telling you, stop flogging yourself and, from now on, quit trying to bulldoze him and let him fly on his own. There is nothing to feel guilty about. With practice, you'll get the hang of it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has always had a horrible habit of making plans and canceling at the last minute. When I make plans with her, she invariably cancels the day of. Lately she has started making me feel guilty for not coming around more.

I lost my license two years ago, so I can't drive, and I work full time. She has no job and several vehicles. I'm not saying she doesn't have things going on, but I can't help but feel she's just going through the motions and making it seem like she cares.

My younger brother had a baby girl last year, and Mom constantly has her or is trying to get her. To top it off, my brother lives in the same town I do. It makes me feel invisible.

I know when parents say they don't have a favorite child, they are lying through their teeth, but this is blatant. I'm in my 30s and shouldn't still be feeling like this. Please help. I feel like my parents would be better off with one less child to make fake plans with. -- INVISIBLE IN OHIO

DEAR INVISIBLE: Whether your brother is the favored child, I can't opine. However, it makes no sense that your mother would guilt you for not seeing her more often and then stand you up when you try.

Because you feel slighted, tell her how hurtful it is. If the situation doesn't improve, plan fewer visits with her and concentrate on spending your time with people who do make you feel appreciated and loved.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with a guy, "Derrick," since high school. He recently confided that for the last few years of his marriage he has been involved in an on-again, off-again affair.

He also told me that for most of his marriage his wife has been putting him down, blaming him for all their problems, constantly accusing him of cheating (they have been married far longer than the affair has been going on) and not letting him see his friends. Abby, I have witnessed some of her behavior myself, and it explains why he seemed to drop off the earth after he signed his marriage certificate.

I don't know how to help him. He has tried to get his wife to agree to marriage counseling, but she refuses. He has young children, and he's afraid that if he tries to divorce her, she'll make sure he never sees them again.

She has spent years wearing him down and won. He's no longer the outgoing, happy person I used to know. He was always ready to help anyone who needed him, and I want to return the favor. How? -- SUPPORTIVE FRIEND IN VERMONT

DEAR FRIEND: Suggest to your friend that because his wife refuses to go to marriage counseling does not mean he shouldn't go for individual counseling without her. If he does, it may be life-changing for him in a positive way because he may be able to reconnect with the person he was before he entered his emotionally abusive marriage. I can't promise his future will be problem-free after that, but he will be stronger and more able to cope with whatever his wife (or ex-wife) throws his way.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mom of a 31-year-old daughter who recently broke up with her longtime boyfriend so she can be with a 17-year-old kid. I probably wouldn't be upset if she didn't have sons who are 15, 14, 12 and a daughter, 10, who considered the man she broke up with their dad. Her new love is only two years older than her oldest. I am having a hard time accepting this and so are my grandkids.

I haven't talked to my daughter about her choice because I know she's an adult and the bottom line is it isn't really my business. I do worry about how much confusion this causes the kids.

I don't know if I can accept this new "man" in her life. To tell you the truth, I want nothing to do with him. I want to continue seeing my grandchildren, though, which will mean I'll have to deal with this person on some level. How? -- THROWN IN NEW YORK

DEAR THROWN: Here's how. Be a lady. You have a right to express your opinion privately, but when you see him, be cordial and do not make apparent how much you disapprove of the relationship. If you alienate him, you will lose. The result will be that you see less of him, your daughter will be upset with you and you will see less of your grandkids.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married soon, and I want to invite a colleague I have known for years. My colleague is gay and married. My fiance, "Ted," is from a large, very traditional family. When I suggested inviting my co-worker and his husband, Ted expressed concern, stating that members of his family might feel alienated and uncomfortable.

I love Ted dearly, and I love his family. But I feel like I will be shutting out a friend by not inviting him and his spouse. Should I explain the situation to my colleague or leave it alone? Is it possible to reach a compromise that will make everyone happy? -- LOVING BRIDE IN TEXAS

DEAR BRIDE: I think you should do what makes YOU happy. The problem with trying to please everyone is that it isn't possible. Unless you want Ted's family deciding who your friendships should include in the future, tell Ted this person is your friend and you do not want him and his husband to feel hurt by being excluded. Ted's family will adjust, which is what gracious guests are supposed to do.

DEAR ABBY: My son is in his mid-20s, and I would love to spend time with him. The problem is, every time he has come to my home he has stolen things from me and pawned them. I know this to be a fact.

I confronted him about it two years ago. I told him I love him very much but can no longer trust him in my home. He didn't deny the thefts, but since then, he won't take my calls or respond on social media or to text messages. What's a dad to do or not do? -- FAILING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FAILING: Your son may be ashamed to face you after what he has done. All you can do is continue to reach out, tell him you love him and pray that he finally decides to stop hiding from you and possibly from himself. You have my sympathy, but you cannot force this.