DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are both 34 and have been dating for eight years. I love him, but I'm tired of him being so selfish and self-centered. His free time revolves around hockey games on the ice and on TV, baseball on the field and on TV and football season TV. Basically, his butt is glued to the couch.

Every day when I get home from a 10-hour day at the office, he's sitting there watching a game on TV, getting ready to watch a game or getting ready to go to a game. I'm lucky if I get a kiss on the cheek and a five-minute "hello" before he's gone or his eyes are glued to that damned TV.

He complains because he wants me to watch with him or join him. Occasionally I will, but honestly, it's not my thing, and I have no interest. I do it just for him, but when it comes to something I want him to do with me, he makes a fuss, doesn't want to participate and makes me feel bad for even asking.

My life consists of spending time alone at the mall every Saturday or Sunday to get out of the house and just get a day of sunlight, or reading a book upstairs in our room. If his weekend games don't start until the afternoon, he literally sleeps in until an hour before.

I'm tired of him being lazy, inattentive and making no effort in our relationship. We are both adults, no kids. We love our freedom, but I still want to do things sometimes as an actual couple. Our lives are boring, sad and depressing. Please give me some advice on how to change this, or do I change alone and finally move on? -- AFTERTHOUGHT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AFTERTHOUGHT: You cannot change another person, but there is still time to make some positive changes in your life. I think eight years of this -- I hate to call it a relationship -- is enough. You have wasted enough time trying to get through to this very limited individual. Find a man you have something in common with to spend your life with. You should have moved out and moved on years ago.

DEAR ABBY: For some strange reason, my sister-in-law "Yvonne" doesn't want gifts. She has done a lot for us (baby-sits, etc.), and when we try to give her a little gift, she says she doesn't want anything. She loves growing herbs, so we gave her an herb-growing kit. She refused to accept it and made us return it to the store. It hurt my feelings deeply.

My husband and I have decided to not get her any more gifts. Her birthday was last week, and we didn't do anything for her. It made me feel terrible. Why would someone not want to receive anything? I feel we are being robbed of the joy of giving. -- GENEROUS IN GEORGIA

DEAR GENEROUS: Not knowing Yvonne, I can't explain her personal reasons for not wanting gifts. I do know that some people are uncomfortable receiving them because they consider it to be an obligation -- plus they don't like to shop, have no use for the item or it is not their taste. Rather than be upset with her for being honest with you, respect her wishes and on her birthday, send her a card.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a wonderful and fulfilling career, and a life with a few hard bumps along the road. My wife and I enjoy spending time together as empty nesters.

For the last 16 years, I have built and led several not-for-profit organizations. After the last experience ended, we relocated, and I now have a less-demanding job I hope will take me into my retirement.

I enjoy the position, but how do I prepare for a rewarding and fulfilling life once I'm no longer fully employed? My wife and I plan to winter in Florida, do some traveling and enjoy life. I have some hobbies I look forward to spending time on, but I'm hoping for more than just that. Looking back, I wonder if I may have devoted too much to my career.

I guess I'm having trouble letting go of the wheel, the pace and the high expectations I have lived by all my adult life. Have you any suggestions to help me prepare for the next chapter? I will continue to help others and volunteer, but I need some guidance. -- TROUBLE LETTING GO IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TROUBLE: Before retiring, make sure you are really ready to take that next step and discuss with your wife what that will mean to both of you. Between helping others, volunteering, traveling and splitting the year between two different communities, I suspect you will be plenty busy.

Now that you will have the time, use some of it to see your children and grandchildren, if there are any. Remember, too, the importance of staying physically as well as mentally active, and perhaps consider mentoring someone if the opportunity presents itself.

DEAR ABBY: My wonderful 82-years-young father-in-law and mother-in-law still exercise regularly, and it shows. They are both beautiful and healthy. I was particularly impressed when my father-in-law recently informed me that, on a daily basis, he "practices" getting up from a fall by lying down on the floor and then getting up without using his hands. He said he repeats the process several times a day because it keeps his core strong. I think it's brilliant. Perhaps other seniors reading this will incorporate this practice into their daily routine if they are able to. -- BLESSED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BLESSED: I'm glad you shared what your in-laws are doing in order to remain healthy. Anyone who hasn't tried lying on the floor and getting up without using their hands may be in for a surprise the first time they try. It isn't as easy as it sounds. The "trick" is to roll onto your knees and lift yourself one leg at a time without touching your thighs. I tried it, and I can do it -- but it took some practice. I encourage people of all ages to try.

DEAR READERS: I'm wishing a Happy Father's Day to fathers everywhere -- birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers, and all of those caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads. And a big shout-out to dual-role moms. I applaud you all. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have a guy friend who goes from girl to girl constantly. People talk about what a player he is and say he doesn't really like the women he's dating. He has been called desperate -- among other things. None of this ever gets to him. Even though we are just close friends, he has even asked ME out.

I think he's doing things all wrong, and I want to tell him so, but I know it's his life, and he's going to tell me that. I want people to stop talking behind his back. He annoys me so much when it comes to his dating life that I sometimes want to scream at his face. Do you have advice for me? -- GOOD (GIRL) FRIEND IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR FRIEND: Yes, I do. You have a right to express your opinions to your friend. That said, try to be less judgmental. Remain his friend but focus less on his dating life so much because it is not your business. You are making a mistake if you allow it to become an obsession.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 10 years and I recently broke up over some photos he has displayed on his mantel. At one time, he had an 8-by-10 photo of me, which suddenly disappeared. He swore he had no idea what happened to it. He now has four photos (two are 8-by-10) of a woman he calls his "co-worker." She ushers with him at church on Sundays, and I know she has no interest in him.

I'm not a jealous person, but those photos have caused me hurt and embarrassment when others asked who the "babe" in the pictures is. He knew my feelings about them, but didn't take them down. He has two smaller pictures of the two of us, but you can't miss the two 8-by-10s when you enter the room.

Was I wrong in asking him to remove them? I still care for him, but my feelings don't seem to matter to him. -- PERPLEXED AND HURTING IN FLORIDA

DEAR PERPLEXED: You weren't wrong to tell your ex how you felt about the photos. And you are right that your feelings on the subject weren't important to him. It appears he became fixated on the church lady, which is why you were smart to break off the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter says that if I send a wedding gift of money to the bride and groom even though we weren't invited, it would make the bride feel guilty for not including me/us.

My daughter and the bride have been friends and sports teammates for 25 years. We watched her grow up into a fine person. She had a small, backyard wedding, and we completely understood and agreed with her decision to not invite us. What is the proper etiquette on this topic? -- DON'T KNOW IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DON'T KNOW: The rule of etiquette is that if you accept a wedding invitation, you should give the couple a gift. However, if you do not attend and still would like to send something, it's not only not a breach of etiquette, it is a generous and loving gesture. By all means send the check along with a sweet note expressing the sentiments you shared with me. I assure you, the bride will be touched by your thoughtfulness.