DEAR ABBY: I am a gay male. My sister, "Cate," is in what appears outwardly to be a committed relationship, but I know for a fact it isn't.

Her boyfriend, "Darren," invited me out for coffee a few days ago, and while he was discussing some of their relationship troubles, he told me he isn't sure that he's straight. He then proceeded to say he could easily see himself dating me!

I don't know what to do. I want to tell Cate, but I don't want to wreck her relationship. The other problem is, I also feel attracted to Darren, but it's not my place to pursue him. Any advice would be helpful. -- IN A BIND IN NEW YORK

DEAR IN A BIND: Your sister's relationship with Darren was "wrecked" the minute he told you that he isn't certain he's heterosexual and that he has his eye on you. If you and Darren were to become involved, it would likely devastate Cate, and I don't recommend it. Talk to Darren and tell him it's time to come clean with Cate. Then, if he doesn't, a loyal sibling should tell his sister before she wastes any more time on this boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: I supervise someone I'll call "Kevin." He is lazy, and his work is so sloppy he should have been fired long ago. I and many supervisors before me have tried to no avail to motivate him, but we work in government, and he knows how to game the system. Our unit's reputation has suffered because of Kevin. For reasons beyond my control, we are stuck working together.

I supervise another person who is retiring soon, and I would like to help plan his retirement party. Kevin is also nearing retirement age. When Kevin finally leaves, am I obligated to plan a retirement party for him? He has never lifted a finger for anybody, and he sure doesn't deserve a party honoring the fact that he sat in a chair for 30 years. Or should I not help plan either party? -- STUCK SUPERVISOR

DEAR STUCK: Unless party-planning is part of your job designation, you are not obligated to arrange one for Kevin if you prefer not to, considering what a problem he has been for your unit. A party later celebrating the welcoming of "new staff" would probably go over better.

DEAR ABBY: I've been invited to go away with my son's family, and I don't want to do it. I have done it before, and it never goes well because of my son's mouth. I think he may have an anger issue, but if I say anything to him about it, he gets angry. I can't tolerate his language, and he says he can't change.

I want to be with my grandchildren, but his mouth and his attitude make me timid and uncomfortable, and I end up wishing I were home. I told him I was sorry I couldn't go and why. He says his family is happy, and I should just let it roll off, but I feel I have a right not to be subjected to a week of constant cursing. It feels abusive. Am I wrong? -- WISHING IT WERE DIFFERENT

DEAR WISHING: If the bad language is directed at another person, it is abusive and disrespectful. If it is used as an adjective, it is "merely" grating and unpleasant. A vacation is supposed to be a time to relax and enjoy oneself. Because you feel your son's language is so bad it would prevent you from doing that, you should not subject yourself to it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Libby's," dearest friend of 20 years, "Melanie," has changed her lifestyle. Melanie and her husband have become "swingers." Now when Libby meets her socially, all Melanie can talk about is her new lifestyle -- complete with photos. Plus Melanie is very interested in meeting men when they are out together.

I don't like what she and her husband are doing, and I don't like my wife being exposed to swinging and meeting men. Libby says Melanie is an old friend, and she doesn't want to end their relationship. She says I have nothing to worry about because she isn't interested in this lifestyle. The problem is, I still worry, and I'm not comfortable with this. Could you please advise me on what I should do? -- FAITHFUL IN DALLAS

DEAR FAITHFUL: It would be interesting to know why Melanie brings Libby along when she's looking for men. (Is she using your wife as "bait"?) It would also be interesting to know how Libby feels when men show an interest in her friend and she is sitting there like a third wheel.

Of course, the bottom line is how this makes you feel, and do you trust your wife. If this is a regular thing, I can see how it would make you uncomfortable. Consider suggesting to Libby that rather than go out for the evening with Melanie, they meet for lunch instead.

DEAR ABBY: My sister recently confided that her husband has about $100,000 in credit card debt. "Sis" bailed him out five years ago to the tune of $400,000, just ahead of bankruptcy. Why she didn't divorce him then, I don't know. She says she doesn't love or respect him, and he does nothing for their home or for her. On top of that, he's emotionally abusive.

My sister has worked hard and lived frugally so she could retire. She paid off both mortgages on their house. In our community property state, he would get half her large retirement and half the property. I suggested she divorce him two years ago. She said she wanted to, but didn't.

I'm so mad at him I want to shame him publicly on Facebook because FB is the ONLY thing he cares about besides spending money. He portrays himself on FB as a caring, compassionate guy and a true friend. Maybe his "friends" should know the truth. What else would get through to him? He says he can build debt because she'll always pay it off. -- HAVE MY SISTER'S BACK

DEAR HAVE: I'm sorry you didn't mention why your sister has chosen to stay with someone she doesn't love or respect and who mistreats her. Please suggest to her that for her own protection she should make an appointment to talk with an accountant and an attorney to discuss what's going on before her husband's irresponsibility causes her to become indigent.

Beyond that, there is nothing you can do besides give her emotional support as you have been doing.

DEAR ABBY: Just months before our 30th wedding anniversary, my husband told me he doesn't love me and never wanted to marry me. I am beyond devastated. I feel I have wasted the best years of my life. We have two beautiful daughters who are my everything.

When he revealed this news to me, it turned my life upside down. I don't know how to process it or what to do. I have spent years begging him to be more affectionate and loving. I always assumed he just didn't know how to show love. It never crossed my mind that he has never loved me. I feel naive, betrayed and robbed. -- HOPELESS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HOPELESS: When your husband handed you that "bouquet," was he angry or inebriated? It is hard to believe that a man would stay married for 30 years to someone he didn't love and didn't want to marry in the first place. (Shotgun weddings are long out of style.)

Revisit that conversation with him, and if he tells you he meant what he said, you are justified in feeling the way you describe. The questions then become are you better with him or without him, and what are your legal rights in the state in which you and this man live. (Not referring to him as your "husband" was not an oversight.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently left my job and flew across the country for an internship on a small farm to learn about sustainable farming. I have been here a week. I have met some awesome people and have been having some fun with them in my free time. However, I'm now having second thoughts.

This is hard, physical labor, and my living conditions are a lot more rustic and communal than I was led to believe. There is no electricity in our quarters, and we cook our meals outside on a propane stove. Also, the internship is unpaid, and I'll have to pay to take a summer class.

While I feel I am benefiting from this experience, I miss my old job (which I can get back) and the more comfortable lifestyle. Do you think I need to give this internship more time? -- ACROSS THE COUNTRY

DEAR ACROSS: You signed on for the internship for a good reason -- to learn. Having done that, it will be not only educational but also character-building to see it through until the end of the summer. This isn't forever, and the lessons you learn may last a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old son has difficulty expressing himself and keeps things bottled up. You often advise people to seek counseling. Could you please advise me about how to begin that process and how to find the right fit and person for one's individual needs? -- INVOLVED PARENT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PARENT: Start by asking your doctor to refer you to a specialist who works with adolescents. The company that provides your health insurance can also give you some referrals. After you and your son meet the candidates, it is simply a matter of choosing a therapist your son feels comfortable talking with.