DEAR ABBY: My dear friend of many years is marrying for the fourth time. Her fiance is verbally abusive and a heavy drinker. After a particularly bad period she went through with him, I told her that if she went ahead and married him, she should just let me know when it was over because I had no desire to witness this union.

Well, she called me a few days ago with the date, assuming I was going to go. When I reminded her of what I had said, she said she hadn't believed me. She wasn't happy about my refusal to go, but seems to have accepted it. My question is, do I need to acknowledge this wedding (only six people are attending) with a card or just let the day pass? -- NOT A FAN OF THE MAN

DEAR NOT A FAN: Be prepared for the fact that your decision not to attend her wedding may result in distancing you from your friend. Send a sweet card with your good wishes. Then cross your fingers and pray for her well-being.

DEAR ABBY: I am a disabled vet, long divorced. My significant other is a widow eight years older than I am, who suffers from advanced arthritis. I love her with all my heart, but I have become a full-time caregiver when I pretty much need someone to take care of me. I find myself almost wishing she would pass, so I could lay down and die myself. Any thoughts? -- WORN OUT IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR WORN OUT: Yes, but before I share them I want to thank you for your service to our country.

As much as you love your lady friend, your own health must come first. For both your sakes, you must not allow taking care of her to make you sick.

Does she have family who could help out? If not, perhaps social services can guide you in finding someone to assist her with the duties you have taken on. However, before doing that, please talk with your doctor and tell him or her what you have written to me because the feelings you describe may be symptoms not only of exhaustion but also depression, which is treatable.

DEAR ABBY: My family and I are set to take a weeklong vacation with another family this summer. We will be renting a house. What is the appropriate split for the rental fee? My wife and I have four children; the other couple has two. All of the children are under the age of 8.

I think my wife and I should pay more because our family is larger. My wife agrees, but isn't sure what the split should be. The other couple wants to pay 50/50, saying the children are so little they shouldn't be considered in the cost of the trip. I think an appropriate compromise would be for each family to pay half the rental, but my wife and I pay for all of the food. What do you think? -- HAPPY PROBLEM

DEAR HAPPY PROBLEM: I think it would be appropriate to offer a split of 60/40. That way you would be paying a little bit extra. However, if they still prefer splitting it in half, you should agree rather than argue.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 12 years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is now 16. They have had their ups and downs. What irritates me to no end is, my husband tattles on my daughter.

Today she wanted to come home from school because she felt nauseated. My husband had the day off, and even though he didn't want to, he picked her up from school. He proceeded to text me at work later on in the day to let me know that she was eating waffles and chicken nuggets.

I can't control what my daughter eats when I'm not there. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. The issues between them are much deeper, but I cannot stand his tattling. If my child says she's nauseated and then eats waffles, she must learn somehow that they are not conducive to feeling better. My husband going out of his way to rat on her when she does things like this seems overboard. Am I crazy for feeling this way?! -- SEEKING PEACE AT HOME

DEAR SEEKING PEACE: You are not crazy for feeling this way. You are crazy for not having it out with your husband rather than complain to me, and for not insisting the three of you get counseling from a licensed marriage and family therapist to iron out those "deeper issues."

P.S. Waffles and chicken nuggets are considered comfort food. What your daughter may have needed that day was comfort. If the foods she chose were not conducive to feeling better, your husband could have suggested a better option. (Chicken broth?)

DEAR ABBY: I went out with some girlfriends a few weeks ago. We began chatting and, after a while, I started to notice things that made me feel disconnected from them. After thinking about it later, I realized that although we have known each other for 10 years, we no longer have much in common.

We used to work together and shared that, but it's no longer the case. I think I might have more in common with others. We never fight, and they are wonderful people, but each time I open myself up to them, I feel judged and different. How do you suggest I maintain my friendships? Is it worth it? -- FAITHFUL FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR FRIEND: If the only thing these women brought to your relationship was the fact that you used to work together, and because circumstances have changed, it may be time to re-evaluate how important these workplace friendships are to you. Friends do not have to think in lockstep, and they shouldn't make you feel judged if your opinions differ from theirs.

A way to maintain friendships like these is to see the individuals less often and, when you do, talk about the things you do have in common. If that doesn't work, realize that not all friendships last forever and move on. Sometimes friendships run their course, and this may be one of those times.

DEAR ABBY: I am currently dating someone, and although it hasn't been that long, so far everything has been great. We each have two children from previous relationships. We have discussed the topic of marriage, having a child of our own and have even considered adoption.

One day he told me he wanted to tell me something. He ended up saying that before going into the military years ago, he "had" to marry his ex. Problem is, although they have lived apart for three years, she isn't his ex. They are still married. He said they have no interest in being together and have both moved on. When I asked when he plans to divorce her, he said he hasn't had the financial capability to do so. I don't know how to take this news. Any advice? -- THROWN IN NEVADA

DEAR THROWN: You need more information. Has this man been supporting his ex all this time, or is she self-supporting? Who is supporting the children? How much money does he think he will owe her if they divorce?

I'm not familiar with the divorce laws in Nevada, but an attorney who is licensed to practice there will be. It would be very much worth your while to make an appointment with one to discuss what your boyfriend has told you. You should do it before becoming any more involved with him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in the hope you'll print my letter and, with your response, raise awareness about male breast cancer. A male family member was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and in addition to the issues everyone recently diagnosed with cancer goes through, there are additional issues causing stress.

Because male breast cancer is so rare, all the pamphlets and information are aimed at women. As a result, my relative feels very alone. Besides family, he doesn't want anyone, including members of his church, to know his diagnosis because he's afraid of what they will think. Encouragement such as telling him his friends can offer additional support and prayers has gone nowhere so far.

Abby, can you share with your readers some information and resources for men with breast cancer? We would be very grateful. -- CARING FAMILY MEMBER

DEAR CARING: There is information about breast cancer in men online. If your relative will visit cancer.org and search on male breast cancer, he will discover an abundance of information on the subject. For suggestions about support groups, he should call the American Cancer Society's helpline: 800-227-2345. Your family member is not alone. I wish him a speedy and complete recovery.

DEAR ABBY: I work two jobs and took time off from my second job so I could watch my four grandchildren for a week when their parents had to go out of state. They did call the 14-year-old daily, but never once called or spoke to me during that time. Am I being cranky or is that disrespectful? -- FEELING LIKE DIRT

DEAR FEELING LIKE DIRT: I don't blame you for being miffed. It was thoughtless and ungracious of them not to ask to speak with you for a minute. However, if they didn't respect you, I'm sure they wouldn't have left their precious children in your care.