DEAR ABBY: My longtime friend of 30 years, "Charlotte," lives across the country. I have just learned that her husband, "Harold," is transgender and is now transitioning to become "Helen."

When they come, they always stay with us for several days because they can't afford a hotel. My husband is now very uncomfortable with them staying here or being seen out in public with them. Is there a way to tell Charlotte to come alone and still save the friendship? Or should I let them come and deal with my husband's feelings, which I think are unjust? -- UNJUST IN THE WEST

DEAR UNJUST: Talk to your husband and explain that he doesn't have to socialize more than he is comfortable with if your friends visit. If he still refuses, why don't you and he visit them this year? You could stay in a hotel while you adjust to the adjustment Harold is making.

I assume that your husband and Harold were friendly before. Perhaps if he and Harold have a chance to talk, your husband can get past his discomfort. It could be a valuable learning experience for him. Your support at this time would be a tremendous gift to this couple.

DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old sister is unhealthily fixated on a particular cable TV channel. She will only watch this channel and is obsessed with the love stories and relationship movies. This goes far beyond a simple "like" for something, and I'm afraid she's using it as a way to avoid developing real relationships. She has few friends and has never been in a relationship. I have tried to get her to stop watching it, but it never ends well. How can I help her move away from the television set and into the real world? -- FANTASY VS. REALITY IN FLORIDA

DEAR F. VS. R.: Watching romantic movies with guaranteed happy endings (if only life were really like that!) is your sister's "safe" way of vicariously enjoying idealized relationships. Continue encouraging her to take some risk and join the real world by inviting her to join you in social groups. But until she realizes for herself that she needs to do it, it won't happen. Counseling could help her, but she won't accept it until she admits to herself that she needs help to develop the social skills she lacks and is willing to reach out for it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for six months, and in many ways he's a great guy. One thing that irks me, though, is his tardiness.

This man can't show up on time to save his life. I have arrived at his house for a date only to find he has not even arrived at his own home yet. He is usually 30-plus minutes late for our get-togethers.

I have brought this up many times, and at this point I feel like a nag, but it's so disrespectful and rude to treat others this way. I'm annoyed to the point that I may break up with him for this reason only. Is my reaction well-founded? -- EARLY IN OREGON

DEAR EARLY: Your boyfriend is either extremely disorganized or just plain rude. If he hasn't been able to change his pattern in six months, he isn't likely to do it. You can, however, change the way you react to it.

Because you know he runs late, make your plans accordingly so you won't be kept waiting. However, if you can't do that, then rather than let it continue to stress you out, end the romance.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, you published a recipe for cheesecake, which you said was very good. Well, it was not only "good" -- it was TERRIFIC. As a native New Yorker, I know cheesecake.

I have moved and lost my recipe. Can you republish it? It's the best! -- CHEESECAKE LOVER IN DELAND, FLA.

DEAR LOVER: Thank you for the compliment. I'm glad to oblige. My mother made it -- with either cherry or blueberry topping -- and I have fond memories of raiding the refrigerator with her again and again for "just a smidgen" more! We both carried the sweet tooth gene, and I have many delightful memories of her dinner and dessert recipes, which comprise the Dear Abby cookbooklet set. Mama was a talented hostess and prepared them for dinner parties (so have I). For readers interested in ordering the set, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. In addition to the recipes, there are tips on entertaining, and anyone who hasn't entertained before should be sure to read them. By following the suggestions, even the most nervous first-time host or hostess can be confident.

I hope you will enjoy making this cheesecake for many more years, because I serve it with pride.

ABBY'S CHEESECAKE

CRUST:

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs

1/2 cup butter, melted (1 stick)

1/3 cup powdered sugar

CHEESECAKE:

3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened

4 eggs

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 pint dairy sour cream (at room temperature)

1 (21-ounce) can prepared cherry, blueberry or strawberry pie filling

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Combine graham cracker crumbs, powdered sugar and melted butter. Press into bottom of 8-inch springform pan.

3. In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, eggs, sugar and vanilla until smooth. Pour mixture over prepared crust.

4. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes (until center is set).

5. Remove from oven and spread sour cream on top of cheesecake. Return to oven and bake an additional 5 minutes.

6. Remove from oven and allow to cool. Spread desired topping on cheesecake.

7. Chill overnight. Before serving, carefully remove sides from pan. Serves 16.

Tip: To minimize cracking, place shallow pan half full of hot water on lower rack of oven during baking. And be sure the sour cream is at room temperature when you spread it on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior who is confused by what seems to be a new rule of etiquette that one should never, ever comment on another's appearance. Does it include complimenting someone on a new hairstyle or a new outfit, for example? Please clarify. -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: In a work situation, among the subjects that should now be avoided are references to the appearance of a subordinate or a co-worker because they could be construed as sexual harassment. However, in social situations, compliments are usually welcome.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married in a few months, and with all of the wedding planning, I have realized that in my fiance's priorities, I come last, as do my opinions and desires.

We were supposed to go to a nice restaurant for his birthday, so I made reservations a month in advance. Yesterday (two days before his birthday) his parents decided they wanted to take him out to dinner to celebrate it. He immediately canceled our plans to go to the nice restaurant so he can have dinner with them.

I told him it seems like I always come last, and no matter what we plan, if his parents say go, he goes. He said that isn't true, but it is. Now that I realize I will never come first, I'm having doubts about marrying him.

When I told him we should hold off on getting married, he said we are not postponing the wedding, and we will get married on the date we picked. Although I express my feelings about postponing the wedding almost every day, I get nowhere. Now I feel like I'm being forced to marry someone I'm not sure I want to marry.

I'm not in a good emotional state, and I am constantly thinking of suicide. If I'm forced to marry someone I don't want to, how am I supposed to have a happy and healthy life? -- MIXED UP IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MIXED UP: Because you are having suicidal thoughts, it is imperative that you talk with a mental health professional who can guide you back on track. Please do this right away! If you and your fiance haven't had premarital counseling, insist upon it NOW. And absolutely postpone that wedding. Feeling as you do, and under these circumstances, you should not marry anyone.

DEAR ABBY: I read you every morning, and I need your advice. I am writing you from a nursing home. I am 97 years old, and I am in a wheelchair because I cannot stand, but I still make up my bed. I am an artist, and I still paint. I give the paintings I create to those who help me.

My room is small, and it will not hold a lot of stuff. I have a grandson who brings me clothes and food because I cannot eat much because of my teeth.

My problem is, when old friends come to see me, they bring beautiful gifts. They are kind, but I cannot use what they bring -- a comforter that is much too big for my bed, extra pillows or very large books that are hard to keep in my small space, although I love reading.

The nursing home is nice, and I get good care. It is kept clean, and they see I get what I need. I feel blessed.

Abby, I love my friends and don't want to hurt their feelings. This issue of gifts has become more than I know how to deal with. Can you help me know what to tell them? -- GRATEFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR GRATEFUL: Tell these lovely -- and generous -- friends that you deeply appreciate their caring and generosity, but because your room is so small, you have no place to put the items. If they haven't been in your room, show it to them so they can see for themselves.