DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are seniors who look forward to visits from our adult children. The problem is our oldest son. He visits every few months and leaves belongings behind. He uses our guest room, where he has claimed much of the closet, several dresser drawers, the guest bathroom vanity and even part of our shed. He says he needs to leave things because it's too expensive to check bags when he flies into town.

We would like our guests to have space when they come to visit, and we are also trying to downsize and declutter. We have told him this repeatedly. We even resorted to mailing him back boxes of clothing, toiletries and other excessive amounts of his things to his home, hoping he would get the message. This is making my husband upset every time our son visits, and creating stress in our marriage as well. Please, we need your help. -- SON HAS BAGGAGE IN FLORIDA

DEAR SON HAS BAGGAGE: Offer your son a couple of alternatives. The first would be to clear the counter in the guest bathroom and put his toiletries into a dopp kit kept out of sight. He should leave no more than one drawer full of his underwear, socks, etc. in the bureau and three changes of clothes in the closet. Any other items he will need can be brought in a backpack that can be stowed (at no cost) under his seat during the flight. If he can't do that, then he should follow your example -- mail his things to you, and mail them back to his home when he leaves.

DEAR ABBY: I was diagnosed with celiac disease 13 years ago and have followed a strict diet since. In the past, I didn't tell my co-workers because food wasn't part of the job. However, I am now in a small department and we travel, so I have disclosed it.

My boss constantly harasses me for not eating any of the junk food he brings in (or why I don't eat all of the food when we eat out). I decline politely, but he keeps coming at me insisting that "it's OK to eat" and says I should just eat it because it won't make me sick.

I have pulled him aside a couple of times to explain celiac disease and provided him with good articles about it, hoping that reading them would have a bigger impact than my explaining. He has made some comments about how his wife follows "fad diets," and he thinks they are all crazy. I have explained how a restricted diet is the only treatment for celiac disease, but he is unrelenting in his harassment.

I don't know what my next step should be. I love my job, but this is getting in the way. -- UNSURE IN WYOMING

DEAR UNSURE: Your boss's behavior is beyond inappropriate. What he is doing could be considered bullying. The kind of stress your boss is creating makes people sick. If the harassment doesn't stop, talk to HR about his creating a hostile work environment.

DEAR ABBY: I have a former co-worker whose husband was just released from a psychiatric facility. He had threatened to kill himself and take the entire family with him. I met him before the incident. He did not seem balanced then, and I was uncomfortable being around him.

Since his release, my friend keeps inviting me to their house and wants to come to mine. I keep making excuses for not allowing visits to my house or hers. I still have a bad feeling about being exposed to him and possibly putting myself in danger. I have been in abusive relationships in the past, and one attack was nearly fatal.

I have spoken to her about the dangers of being with a person such as him. But she says she can't leave because they have three children on the spectrum. Am I being silly? -- APPREHENSIVE IN TEXAS

DEAR APPREHENSIVE: No, you are not being silly. Listen to your gut. Nowhere in your letter did you indicate that you and the wife are close friends. If you are uncomfortable being around her husband because of your own history, you do not have to be.

DEAR ABBY: I recently did a DNA test using a kit through a genealogy company that advertises nationally and internationally. I received my results and discovered that one of the features is that the website shows people with whom I share DNA, along with predictions of my relationship to them.

I'm interested in trying to strike up conversations with people to whom I am distantly related (most of my matches are fourth or fifth cousins or further), but I'm at a loss for how to begin. I have tried mentioning common family connections, but haven't gotten anywhere with that approach. Do you have any advice you can share with me about how to start a conversation with someone I'm related to, but don't know? -- CURIOUS IN CANADA

DEAR CURIOUS: What you should do is tell these people that your DNA test results showed that you may be related, and ask if the person is willing to share information. However, if they do not respond, take the hint and don't follow up.

DEAR ABBY: We have a dear friend, a widower, whom we invite to dinner frequently because he is alone. Usually these invitations include other guests.

Our articulate friend has the most annoying habit of blowing his nose at the table into one of my cloth napkins. It is disgusting, not only to me, but to the other guests as well. What can I do to make him stop? I tried placing a small box of tissues next to his dinner plate, but he ignores them and uses his napkin anyway. I don't even like to re-use the napkin after it has been washed, particularly for guests. -- TURNED OFF AT THE TABLE

DEAR TURNED OFF: Because you tried the subtle approach and it didn't work, TELL this impolite widower that you placed the box of tissues near him so he would stop using your napkins as handkerchiefs. Frankly, it is considered rude to blow one's nose at the table at all because it tends to gross out the other diners.

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to a man 21 years my senior. "Joe" and I have been married six years. I have recently realized I'm gay and have fallen in love with another woman.

Although Joe isn't infirm or mentally deficient, he has a hard time making decisions on his own. He'll read something, hand it to me and ask me what I think. He can't form an opinion on his own, but God forbid you challenge an opinion he DOES have.

Over the course of our marriage, he has become "crotchety" and burned all his bridges. Because of this, I have lost friends, business opportunities and my reputation. He got fired from his job three years ago and has never actively tried to find another one. I have carried the family on my own financially.

He literally has no one but me. He's past retirement age, and I'm half that. I have more life to live being who I really AM, but I feel guilty leaving him high and dry. I no longer love him; I love my girlfriend. I want to be out and proud and live what I realize now is my real truth. How can I tell him I want out? -- TRAPPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TRAPPED: Before telling your husband anything, discuss this with a divorce lawyer. Leaving him may be complicated because you have been his sole support for a while. Once you know what your financial responsibilities may -- or may not -- be, you will be in a better position to give your husband the bad news. When you do, a way to start would be to tell him you have realized that you are a lesbian.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Mason," and I have been dating for eight months, and it has been going well. However, there is one thing standing in our way -- his mom and sisters.

Mason is the only boy. His parents divorced when he was young. His mom never remarried, but his father did. His two sisters (one older, one younger) don't have boyfriends. The three of them constantly make comments whenever Mason and I go out and do things -- that he's spending too much money or isn't at home enough. They critique everything Mason does, from what he wears to how much money he earned in his last paycheck. It's like they're obsessed with him.

They plan vacations while I'm around and don't invite me. I haven't been invited over for any holidays or family functions. I love Mason and want a future with him, but I can't continue dealing with the nonsense from his jealous mom and sisters. It's causing a huge strain.

Mason knows how upset I am. He says he has talked to them, but their behavior hasn't changed. If he won't take matters into his own hands, should I? -- COMPETING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR COMPETING: No! Until Mason is mature enough to put his foot down, his mother and sisters will continue to decide for him who he dates, how much time he spends with her and whether he is earning "enough" money to be seeing anyone. You cannot and should not compete with his family because it isn't healthy for you or your relationship. Remember, Mason will likely always be a package deal, and if you can't accept it, you should end things.

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