DEAR ABBY: My son attends an excellent public high school and has done very well. His class is scheduled to graduate in a few weeks, and "Brent" has been accepted to an excellent university.

My concern is Brent routinely reports blatant and widespread cheating throughout the school. The valedictorian cheated his way to the top of the class, a neighbor will be attending Princeton even though she was repeatedly caught cheating on tests, and another neighbor cheated on the ACT to achieve a score disproportionate to her grades and SAT scores, which allowed her admission to a distinguished university.

The school turns a blind eye to the cheating and provides only nominal punishment in cases too blatant to ignore. Brent has become disenchanted and cynical about the administration and maintaining his integrity. What advice can I give my son when all around there are examples of cheaters coming out on top? -- NOT A CHEATER

DEAR NOT A CHEATER: The cheaters may have cut in line, but don't view it as coming out on top. Point out to your son that sooner or later cheaters are usually unmasked when they arrive at college unprepared. The best advice you can give Brent would be to hang onto his integrity, resist the temptation to become bogged down in what others are doing, and study hard because -- sooner or later -- excellence and ethics are recognized.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Stella," and I have been married 52 years. We have a daughter, "Candy," who we adopted at 3 weeks old. By the time Candy was 12 or 13, she started having less-than-desirable friends and drinking alcohol with them. Long story short, she graduated from high school, got married, then divorced, married again and has two daughters she has never raised.

We have taken our daughter to psychologists since she was 14 or 15, paid for educational opportunities she didn't complete and bought her several cars. She got into drugs and wound up in prison. Once out of prison, Stella and I sent her to three rehabilitation facilities. She walked away from the last two.

Our daughter is now 46. I am ready to stop trying to help her, but Stella, whom I love dearly, doesn't seem to be able to stop. I feel we are being enablers and should let Candy deal with her choices without further support from us. Any thoughts or comments? -- OVER IT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR OVER IT: I agree with you. By now Stella should realize that whatever she does to help Candy won't make her independent. Your wife may feel compelled to continue because she feels responsible for the way Candy has turned out, but the only person who can help Candy is herself.

Because this is causing discord in your marriage, you and your wife should discuss this with a marriage and family therapist who may be able to help Stella recognize that she has done enough for the daughter she so clearly loves.

DEAR ABBY: I am a licensed acupuncturist. One of my patients (also male) asked me to dinner, and since he seemed like a decent guy, I decided to go. After we finished and the $60 bill arrived, he told me he had forgotten his wallet and I needed to pay, which I did. After dinner he took me back to his house to supposedly show me some recent renovations, and within 10 minutes he tried to kiss me. Fortunately for me, the date ended well enough.

He asked me out again the next week. I figured everyone deserves a second chance, so I said yes. Well, this time he took me to a more expensive restaurant and -- guess what? He forgot his wallet again. This time it cost me $90. After dinner we went for a walk by the water and, when he tried to give me a hug, he knocked my only pair of glasses into the river.

I don't know if it was pre-planned or not, but because I had driven to his house, he knew I wouldn't be able to legally drive home without my glasses. This forced me to spend the night at his house. That I am able to retell this story means I survived that night, but what do you think? Does this guy sound like a loser or what? -- STUCK WITH THE BILL

DEAR STUCK: "This guy" strikes me as irresponsible or a manipulator. At the very least he should reimburse you for the glasses.

I'm not sure if it's ethical for you to be dating a client. According to the National Certification Commission for Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine, the provider should not engage in sexual contact with a patient if the contact commences after the practitioner-patient relationship is established. Because you don't trust his motives, you should not see him again socially.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 28 years. Over the past three years, I have survived a cancer diagnosis and a serious car accident. Earlier this year, I found out my wife has been leading a double life. The doctor says it is because she's bipolar.

Over the past year, she has had five boyfriends, three online and two in person. None of what she posted online is repeatable as it is X-rated. It came to light after a checkup and blood tests that resulted in an STD diagnosis. Now my doctor wants to test me for HIV. HIV is permanent, no cure, but having it would destroy me.

I am still with my wife, but I have lost all respect. All I can think of is how I was betrayed and what little time I may have left. I don't have the money to seek help. Can you recommend some way to help me through this? -- BETRAYED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BETRAYED: You have been through a lot, and I empathize with you. Have another talk with your doctor, and when you do, please allow him to test you. There have been major changes in the treatment of HIV since the 1980s, when it was an automatic death sentence. Many HIV-positive individuals now lead long, productive lives because they got tested and medicated, so please try to control your anxiety.

A final thought: If your wife refuses to get help for her mental illness, then you should consult a divorce lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has re-entered the dating pool after a few years of being single. I have gone on some amazing dates with fabulous men.

I met someone online last summer. "Miles" had a similar story -- long, bad marriage and now living life to the fullest. I adore his personality (and looks), but I have never met him in person. We talk often, sharing dating stories and everything else, knowing it won't go anywhere as he lives 1,000 miles away. We have developed a strong emotional bond and have become great friends.

My emotions have now moved past friendship. I believe Miles can sense it because he has pulled back a little. I know realistically it won't work due to the distance. My kids are still in school, and I'd feel guilty asking him to move away from his business, kids (grown), parents, family, etc.

Should I quit talking to him altogether, because apparently I can't keep it where it has been for the last several months? We agree that we "met" for a reason, and only time will tell what that reason is or if it goes anywhere. I'm heartbroken and emotionally unavailable to the great men around me. My heart is with Miles. Advice? -- SMITTEN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SMITTEN: You and Miles may have met for a reason, but there's also a reason why the two of you haven't met in person in nearly a year. The fact that his reaction to the idea that you might be getting serious about him is to pull back makes me wonder whether you may have jumped the gun. Before allowing yourself to fall further in love, you have some work to do to get your emotions back under control so you can move forward and be more receptive to the "great men" in your own area who are available.

DEAR ABBY: My mom is 82 and suffering from dementia. I have called her every Sunday since I left home for college in 1990. We used to talk for an hour, sharing what had happened to us since we last spoke.

Abby, I loved those calls, which allowed me to stay close to my mom despite the distance. Now I can barely manage five or 10 minutes. It's basically just me telling her things about my week. She still remembers me, but she doesn't talk much.

I have started to skip our weekly calls because they are very painful to me. Dad says Mom misses my calls, but I know that's not true. I know I should call her -- even if she doesn't remember I did -- but it hurts so much. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? -- HER SON IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR SON: You are a good son, and a fortunate one to have had such a close and loving relationship with your mom. Dementia is a terrible disease, one that steals not only memories but the ability to communicate. If you think you are feeling bad or guilty now, imagine how you will feel when she passes away and you are left knowing you didn't do the things you could to lift her spirits.

Please don't skip those calls. They may no longer last an hour, but your father has told you she is aware of their absence. Believe him. Tell her the good things that are happening in your life. Tell her jokes that will make her laugh. If her disease is as advanced as you say, you can tell them repeatedly and she won't know the difference. The sound of your voice is what counts, and the words, "I love you, Mom."