life

Woman Enjoys Dating, But Is Distracted by Online Romance

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 23rd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has re-entered the dating pool after a few years of being single. I have gone on some amazing dates with fabulous men.

I met someone online last summer. "Miles" had a similar story -- long, bad marriage and now living life to the fullest. I adore his personality (and looks), but I have never met him in person. We talk often, sharing dating stories and everything else, knowing it won't go anywhere as he lives 1,000 miles away. We have developed a strong emotional bond and have become great friends.

My emotions have now moved past friendship. I believe Miles can sense it because he has pulled back a little. I know realistically it won't work due to the distance. My kids are still in school, and I'd feel guilty asking him to move away from his business, kids (grown), parents, family, etc.

Should I quit talking to him altogether, because apparently I can't keep it where it has been for the last several months? We agree that we "met" for a reason, and only time will tell what that reason is or if it goes anywhere. I'm heartbroken and emotionally unavailable to the great men around me. My heart is with Miles. Advice? -- SMITTEN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SMITTEN: You and Miles may have met for a reason, but there's also a reason why the two of you haven't met in person in nearly a year. The fact that his reaction to the idea that you might be getting serious about him is to pull back makes me wonder whether you may have jumped the gun. Before allowing yourself to fall further in love, you have some work to do to get your emotions back under control so you can move forward and be more receptive to the "great men" in your own area who are available.

Love & Dating
life

Son Misses Long Chats With Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 23rd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My mom is 82 and suffering from dementia. I have called her every Sunday since I left home for college in 1990. We used to talk for an hour, sharing what had happened to us since we last spoke.

Abby, I loved those calls, which allowed me to stay close to my mom despite the distance. Now I can barely manage five or 10 minutes. It's basically just me telling her things about my week. She still remembers me, but she doesn't talk much.

I have started to skip our weekly calls because they are very painful to me. Dad says Mom misses my calls, but I know that's not true. I know I should call her -- even if she doesn't remember I did -- but it hurts so much. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? -- HER SON IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR SON: You are a good son, and a fortunate one to have had such a close and loving relationship with your mom. Dementia is a terrible disease, one that steals not only memories but the ability to communicate. If you think you are feeling bad or guilty now, imagine how you will feel when she passes away and you are left knowing you didn't do the things you could to lift her spirits.

Please don't skip those calls. They may no longer last an hour, but your father has told you she is aware of their absence. Believe him. Tell her the good things that are happening in your life. Tell her jokes that will make her laugh. If her disease is as advanced as you say, you can tell them repeatedly and she won't know the difference. The sound of your voice is what counts, and the words, "I love you, Mom."

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Annual Trip Loses Luster After Friends Grow Apart

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 22nd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: A close friend and I usually take a girls' trip once a year -- a long weekend at the same place. We drive there because it's close to where we live. She has asked me again this year about going.

I don't feel like doing it for many reasons. She spends a lot of time on her phone, texting or playing on apps, when we should be socializing. I like to relax and have a couple of drinks when I'm on vacation; she doesn't drink. Our taste in restaurants and food is completely different, plus she's on a tight budget and can't afford to spend like I can. (I usually cover the cost of our stay in a condo.) She's also negative and enjoys feeling sorry for herself, while I prefer looking on the bright side of things.

I don't mind spending an evening with her, but that's it. She hates her job, complains about financial problems and taking care of her parents, and her marriage isn't the best -- but she does have a big heart. I would rather save my vacation days from work and stay home with my husband and animals.

I take multiple vacations year round; she does not. I almost feel obligated to go. I'm afraid I'll hurt her feelings if I tell her I don't want to do it anymore. I can't use work, money or the place being occupied as an excuse. What should I do? -- STAYCATION INSTEAD

DEAR STAYCATION: Frankly, if you can tolerate this woman's company for one evening only, your friendship may have gone from hot to temperate. Traditions don't necessarily last forever, and it may be time to make a change.

Tell her that this year you would love to spend an evening with her, but you prefer to stay quietly at home with your husband rather than take the long weekend trip. Be as diplomatic as possible and tell her you know she's carrying a lot on her shoulders, but the only person who can "fix" the things that stress her out or make her unhappy is her -- by talking with someone who is better qualified than you are to listen and advise her.

MoneyFriends & Neighbors
life

Woman's Weight Is Point of Contention With Mother-in-Law

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 22nd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: This is hard to write. My mother-in-law constantly asks me how much I weigh, expecting me to give her an honest answer. I have been saying that my medical information is private, but she continues to ask, even going so far as to ask other people if they know my weight. She wheedles me for confidential health data every single time I see her.

Is she trying to steal my medical ID? Telling her it's private won't keep her from asking again. It really makes me not want to visit her anymore. Any ideas? -- PRIVATE INFO IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PRIVATE: Neither of us knows the intent behind your mother-in-law's persistence. She may think you are too thin or overweight and be trying to open an unwelcome conversation on the subject.

You asked me for ideas, and I do have several:

1. Turn the tables and ask HER, "Why do you keep asking me that? It's making me uncomfortable."

2. Say, "My weight is my business, not yours."

3. Tell her the next time she mentions your weight will be the last time she sees you.

Health & SafetyEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Man's Skill on Dance Floor Attracts Unwelcome Attention

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 21st, 2019 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My husband loves to dance, and so do I. In fact, we met dancing many years ago. He takes Zumba classes despite his knee problems. I loved Zumba but stopped because it hurt my knees.

Many times women have come up to him -- oblivious of my presence -- to tell him how good he is. This has happened on cruises and just now in a restaurant. I love that he's a good dancer. But I don't like random women telling him so. It feels like they are flirting. Yes, I am jealous because he is my husband. Are my feelings normal? -- JEALOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR JEALOUS: As long as your husband acts appropriately in accepting the compliments, you may be overreacting. Instead of feeling jealousy, why are you not feeling a twinge of pride in his accomplishment?

Your feelings are normal -- for someone who is insecure. If you accept that you can't stop people from complimenting your husband, and that giving him a verbal gold star isn't necessarily flirting, you will both be better off.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & Divorce
life

In-Laws Pay Scant Attention to Adopted Granddaughter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 21st, 2019 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our late 40s and raised three very successful sons. We had always wanted to adopt but were not able to until our boys were grown. Everyone has been supportive except my husband's parents.

Our daughter, whom we brought home 3 1/2 years ago, is now 7. Anyone who knows her adores her. She embraces family and has a beautiful relationship with her big brothers and their families.

My in-laws have other grandchildren whom they shower with affection. Our daughter, not so much. She doesn't seem to mind, so I know I shouldn't let it bother me. However, I want our in-laws to be fair with her. I know I can't make it so outside our immediate family circle. Am I being unrealistic? -- PERPLEXED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR PERPLEXED: I think so. While you can't change your in-laws' behavior, you can make sure your daughter knows she is much loved by her parents, uncles, aunts and cousins.

Family & Parenting
life

Tight Budget Dictates No Surprise Guests at Wedding Reception

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 21st, 2019 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are being married next month in a private ceremony. We're having a small family/closest friends barbecue reception the following weekend. We do not want any uninvited guests, but we also don't want to come across as rude. What's your suggestion for polite wording on invitations asking that there be no "extra" guests brought to our reception? Our budget is very tight. -- NOT A BRIDEZILLA

DEAR NOT A BRIDEZILLA: Put nothing like that in writing. There is a rule of etiquette that only guests whose names are on the invitations should attend the event. If you feel your prospective guests are ignorant of the social graces, call them and explain: "We would love you to celebrate with us, but because our budget is limited, we are unable to entertain uninvited guests. We hope you understand."

MoneyEtiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Happy Easter!

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 21st, 2019 | Letter 4 of 4

TO MY READERS: I wish you all a very Happy Easter. -- LOVE, ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Dressing Up for Christmas
  • Palazzo Pants
  • A Few Words
  • Stepson Struggles with Friend's Reactions to His Sexy Mother
  • Procrastinator Has His Own System
  • Son-in-Law Accused of Loving His Car More Than His Wife
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal