DEAR ABBY: I am 28 and recently found my biological father through Facebook after more than 20 years of not knowing if he was still alive. Although I am happy that I found him, I'm scared to let my family -- my mom, my stepdad and my sisters -- know I have reconnected with him.

When I asked about my dad years ago (I even had a pic of him), my stepdad felt betrayed and upset that I was even curious. I had to rip up the picture because I felt so guilty that my stepdad was hurt.

I know my stepdad will manipulate the situation (that's just how he is) and con my sisters and my mom into not speaking to me again. On the other hand, I want to create a relationship with my father and start where we left off. I have two beautiful daughters I know he will love to meet, but I am scared because I know this will divide my family. What should I do? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE WEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: I wish you had disclosed why, for more than 20 years, your birth father had no visitation with you. Whose decision was it -- his? Your mother's? If it was your birth father's, I would question his character.

That said, at the ripe old age of 28, you are an adult and should have the right to decide -- without coercion -- whom you wish to associate with. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to get to know your birth father. Those feelings are normal. It won't divide your family if you keep your mouth shut and your private life separate.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Crystal," recently dumped me. We were madly in love, and she would constantly message me and tell me how I was perfect, she didn't deserve someone as amazing as me and how I'm the only one she wants in her life. We were talking about moving in together, marriage and our future.

Then all of a sudden a well-known creep with a shady past offered her a job in another state. Crystal's family, friends and I all told her not to take the job or talk to that guy because he's bad news. She took the job, moved across the country and left us all behind.

She has now cut me out of her life. I haven't heard from her, and her mom told me she checks in with her family only occasionally. My question is what did I miss? I know Crystal was always hard on herself and thought she wasn't doing enough with her life, but I was constantly reassuring and encouraging her.

I believe this guy manipulated her and made her think this was her last chance at the career she was seeking. I am afraid she's going to learn a hard lesson and get let down drastically. Is there anything we can do to help her see this? -- BAFFLED AND DEVASTATED

DEAR BAFFLED: No, I am sorry to say there isn't. You didn't miss anything; you were misled. Crystal told you she wanted a future with you when the truth was what she really wanted was a career, and you were Plan B. There's an old saying, "Bad pennies always turn up." If the man who hired her is as shady as you say he is, she'll be back. And I hope you will have moved on long before then.

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter is seriously allergic to most animals, including cats and dogs. Even a little fur sets her off. She was recently sent home from school sick after she had borrowed a sweater from a friend who has a cat. We are working with an allergist, but this isn't something that's going to go away with simple treatment.

My sister lives in a different state and has invited my family to spend the holidays at her home this year. However, she recently started fostering stray animals for a local shelter and has between five and 10 of them in her house at a time, in addition to their two cats and a dog. I have told my sister we can't visit her with the animals there. Although she insists that she'll vacuum and it will be OK, there is no way this is safe for my kid. Even if we slept at a hotel, spending the day in a "furry" house will be uncomfortable if not dangerous for my daughter.

My brother-in-law has a mild allergy for which he takes over-the-counter medication. My sister refuses to understand that this is different. She thinks I'm being difficult and overprotective, and she's angry at me. She's also unwilling to consider coming to our house. How do I get her to see that this isn't about her, and I'm just protecting my kid? -- FUR'S FLYIN' IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FUR'S FLYIN': Ask your daughter's doctor to please -- in the name of family harmony -- write you a short letter explaining that because of your daughter's severe allergy, she cannot be in an environment that hasn't been professionally sanitized, and simply vacuuming isn't enough to guarantee your daughter won't wind up in an emergency room. Forward a copy of the letter to your sister with a loving note explaining that you aren't trying to hurt her feelings, but your daughter's health must come first. Then stick to your guns!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married late in life, and while he has never been married before, I have an adult child from a previous marriage. My husband's parents have long passed away, but his two siblings are torturing him. They are exceedingly bothered by the money and time my husband spends on us, constantly complaining to him that his "blood" family should be more important than his new family. How can we turn this situation around other than cut them off completely (as his therapist has suggested)? -- FRUSTRATED SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR S-I-L: Your husband is paying good money for the advice he is receiving from his therapist. What the therapist is telling him makes sense. You cannot change your greedy, envious in-laws. You will save yourselves a world of pain and aggravation if you take the advice you have been given and distance yourselves both physically and emotionally.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Passover begins at sundown. Happy Passover, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have demanding jobs neither of us is crazy about. I sell insurance; she manages a hairdressing salon for a large company. At day's end I keep the events of the day -- good or bad -- to myself. I have heard the saying "Don't bring your family problems to work, and don't bring your work problems home," so I don't carry any "baggage" home with me. If something positive happens, I may mention it.

How do I get my wife to leave her work problems at work? It's the last thing I want to hear about. If I offer an opinion or respond to her, I get criticized and accused of not appreciating how hard she works. She has actually said, "No one else in this world works as hard as I do!" I would like to have an enjoyable evening or weekend with her and not have to hear about HER work problems. -- BAGGAGE-FREE

DEAR BAGGAGE-FREE: There is another saying that may help you to be more understanding: A joy shared is twice a joy; a burden shared is half a burden. If your wife can't discuss her frustrations with you, who else can she safely confide in? A word to the wise: Women often just need someone to listen.

Because this is getting to you to the point that you would write to me about it, rather than offer suggestions or opinions, it's time you tell her exactly what you have conveyed to me. Maybe you can agree on a time when these issues can be discussed -- once you both have decompressed from your demanding jobs.

DEAR ABBY: This is my suggestion for "Unfulfilled Grandma in Minnesota" (Jan. 15), the senior citizen looking to help young children. Schools need help! Contact the local elementary school. Speak with the principal. If the administration agrees with your intentions, you may be required to pay for the background check and fingerprinting.

My story: Our youngest daughter sent me a text. She indicated my grandson's kindergarten teacher was asking for help in the computer lab. Being a retired geek, I showed up the following Thursday, working for just an hour. After three weeks the teacher asked me if I would be willing to help her in the classroom for four hours every Thursday. I agreed. It didn't take my grandson long to figure out he got faster help if he addressed me as "Mr. ----."

After three months, I told my wife it was the best four hours of my week. Without blinking an eye, she smiled and said, "You know, it's the best four hours of my week, too!" Wait? What? -- FULFILLED GRANDPA OUT WEST

DEAR GRANDPA: Thank you for writing. Other readers also suggested that volunteering at a school can be a rewarding way for seniors to put their time to good use and help children. I heard from a "camp grandma" who volunteers at a YMCA summer camp, another who is a reader for 3- and 4-year-olds at a Head Start program, a child care worker in the nursery at a church, and a man who helps to make the children of Afghan refugees feel welcome in their new country through the No One Left Behind organization. Thank you all for these important acts of service, and for sharing the information with me and my readers.