DEAR ABBY: My parents were separated for four years while I was in high school and college. It was an incredibly difficult time, and it strained my relationship with my dad. I was told they had "grown apart" but got back together, although we never discuss the reason for it.

I was out with my sister's friends last night, and one of them got drunk and told me the reason my parents split up was Dad had been seeing another woman and accidentally texted my sister instead of this other woman, and everyone in my family knew about it!

Dad and I barely saw each other or spoke about the separation, and we are finally in a good place. I'm hurt that he intentionally did something that broke up my family. It wasn't something that just happened because they drifted apart.

I don't want to ask my sister and bring up painful memories for her. My parents have never talked about their separation since they got back together. What should I do? -- MIXED-UP DAUGHTER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DAUGHTER: When infidelity happens there is usually a reason, and those reasons can vary from couple to couple. It's possible that your parents, who understandably don't want to relive that painful chapter, were having problems before the affair began. What is important now is that your family is back together.

My advice is to allow them their privacy. However, if you feel you cannot do that, then tell them together what your sister's friend told you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently played both sides during a sticky and challenging time. Now I have a friend who is really upset with me, and I don't know what to do. I thought I was doing the right thing, but in my effort to not hurt my friend, I have done more damage. I'm not sure this can be repaired. What should I do? -- MESSED UP IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR MESSED UP: Apologize to your friend. And if the friendship cannot be repaired, learn from it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother moved in with my sister in California around 1993. After 20 years, I asked her what she wanted to do with her storage unit, which was still in Arizona. Long story short, she said: "Clear it out. I don't even know what's in there. Take whatever you want, keep the pictures and give the rest to Goodwill." My sisters have the same recollection. Over the next three or four years, my sisters and I proceeded to do so.

Mom has moved in with me now, at 80 years old, and says she may be moving out into her own place in the future. The items I use in my household are starting to disappear. She says she's reclaiming them. I told her they are things I use and that she gave them to us years ago. Who is correct? Should I keep the items as mine? Or should my mother be able to take them back after specifically giving them up, since they have been integrated into our households? -- CLEARED OUT IN THE WEST

DEAR CLEARED OUT: Your mother may be having some memory glitches, or may regret giving up her independence and the items that symbolize it. Do not be defensive. Tell her that when she has a place of her own "in the future," you will gladly return any items she needs. Do not let this degenerate into an argument. She has been living with your sister -- and now you -- over the last 26 years for a reason. Some seniors move in with their children because they are medically or financially unable to manage on their own.

DEAR ABBY: My husband likes to wear my underwear, and it grosses me out. He knows I don't approve and promises he won't do it again, but he does. I can't even stand to look at him. What should I do? -- DISTURBED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTURBED: The first thing to do would be to understand that not every woman who is married to a cross-dresser feels as strongly as you do about it. Do some research about cross-dressing -- its causes and why some men feel the compulsion to do it. If after that you are still grossed out and unable to understand why your husband needs to do this, it may be time to schedule some marriage counseling to see if your marriage can be saved.

DEAR ABBY: It won't be long before Easter is here. Please remind your readers to never give live animals as holiday gifts. There are adorable plush toy animals available that can be held tightly and snuggled safely -- for all concerned. -- A MOM IN EVANSTON, ILL.

DEAR MOM: Thanks for the timely reminder to parents and grandparents. Children should not be gifted with pets until they are old enough -- and responsible enough -- to care for them. Adorable chicks and baby bunnies have been squeezed or neglected to death because the children had no concept of how they should be treated. And even when the children ARE old enough, the parents should first agree that the little creature is welcome.

DEAR ABBY: I am extremely upset. My son got married a year ago. We were very happy and have welcomed his wife into our family. He met us for lunch yesterday and announced that he and his wife have a polyamorous relationship. They will stay married, but both of them will date and have long-term relationships with other people.

My husband and I are in shock. We have been married for more than 30 years and have always been faithful to each other. We thought we had set a good example. They are asking to be able to bring other boyfriends and girlfriends to our family events. I'm heartsick at the thought of watching them be affectionate with other partners. My granddaughter was a flower girl at their wedding. How do we explain this to her?

I love my son, but does a relationship with him mean I have to abandon the values I have always felt were important to uphold? Right now he isn't speaking to me because he thinks I was not supportive enough when he told me. I feel like I'm being forced to accept this new lifestyle or not see my son. How should I handle this? -- DUMBFOUNDED IN DALLAS

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Unless you are raising your granddaughter, you don't have to explain anything. That will be her parents' responsibility if they decide to expose her to your son and daughter-in-law's lifestyle.

As to your being forced to entertain his and his wife's lovers, if it makes you uncomfortable -- which appears to be the case -- you are under no obligation to do so. Handle this by standing your ground and refusing to be emotionally blackmailed.

Your son is an adult and entitled to live his life any way he wishes. However, this does not mean that you must endorse it. Tell him you would love to see just him and his wife when they are spending time together.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Ken," for 34 years. At home, he doesn't pay much attention to me. Although he's generally helpful around the house, he puts his needs first. Because we run a small business together, we are together most of the time.

When we go over to friends' for dinner or to a party, Ken complains that I don't talk with him enough or notice if he's alone and not engaged in conversation. He feels I should be more aware of him and stay by his side. I am more outgoing than he is. I make conversation easily and find people to be involved with.

Is he right? Should his needs be more on my radar? Shouldn't I have the freedom to enjoy those around me, assuming that Ken can take care of himself? I know he's less at ease in social situations, but I need interaction with others. -- WONDERING WHAT'S RIGHT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: Knowing Ken isn't as socially adept as you, the kind thing would be to keep an eye on him at these dinners/parties to make sure he isn't isolated. If he is standing by himself, ask him to join in the conversations you are having. Not every couple is equally outgoing, and it may be a bit of a balancing act, but supportive spouses make an effort to compensate for the other's deficits if asked to, as your husband has.