life

Crime Shows Influence Parents' Paranoia About the Real World

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 14th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I dwell in a small, Southern and, I thought, safe hometown. I'm currently unemployed and therefore unable to afford a place of my own. I live with my parents. I have job-searched for months now for something within walking distance. I pay for food with food stamps. But I can't yet pay for transportation, insurance, necessities, etc.

My problem is, I love to walk four to six times a week for 30 minutes to an hour. It helps me with depression and boosts my self-esteem, health and wellness. It shouldn't be a problem, right? Well, I've been warned several times that I could get hit by a vehicle, kidnapped and even murdered if I continue to do it. (My parents are TV crime show fans.)

Abby, I have spoken with the police in my area. They assure me it's safe to be out for a walk. Yet, if I'm gone more than 15 or 20 minutes, I receive incessant, ominous, foreboding warning calls on my cellphone. What can I do about their overactive spookiness? I can't afford a treadmill. -- STEPPING OUT IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STEPPING: When you leave for your walk, tell your parents approximately what time they can expect you back, leaving yourself a few minutes' leeway. Then silence your cellphone and enjoy your walk.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Casual Conversations Turn Tense When Questions Are Raised

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 14th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to question some belief or fact that someone else has brought up? I'm not in the habit of picking fights or bringing up controversial topics in social situations. But if someone else brings it up first or makes a verifiable claim, I think I'm within my rights to ask for a source or to argue the point if I disagree.

I am being told that doing this is rude. I always thought that if someone makes a claim or statement, then it's acceptable for the people you are talking with to ask where the information came from or to disagree. And if someone doesn't want to risk their opinion being challenged, or isn't absolutely sure the claim can withstand scrutiny, they should keep their mouth shut. Is it rude to ask, "Oh, what's your source for that?" or say, "The studies I've read say that ..."? -- FRIENDLY DISCUSSION

DEAR FRIENDLY: I think it depends upon the subject being discussed and the tone in which the question is asked. Sometimes it ain't what you say as much as the way it comes across that makes others defensive.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Tattoo's Location Makes Compliments Uncomfortable

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 14th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: At the checkout counter I noticed the clerk had a tattoo in the cleavage of her breasts. I could see it because of her low-cut blouse. What's the correct protocol? Should I ignore the obvious, or should I look closer to be sure I am seeing it correctly? Should I compliment her on her nice tattoo? What exactly am I to do while she's ringing up my purchase? -- BAFFLED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR BAFFLED: I'm so glad you asked! What you should do is keep your eyes focused on the tally the computer monitor shows to be sure the checker is ringing up your purchase correctly. It's the way to make the "breast" of a touchy situation.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Popular Keepers Collection Covers Many Timeless Topics

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 13th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about your Keepers booklet, the collection of your most popular essays, poems and letters. I would like to purchase a copy, but first, I have a question. Is there a particular favorite of yours in there? -- BIG FAN IN FORT WAYNE, IND.

DEAR FAN: My Keepers booklet contains 72 column items that readers have told me they had read and reread until they were yellowed with age and falling apart. This booklet was created because of the high volume of requests from my readers for a collection of these items in one easy-to-use booklet. The subjects are diverse, covering a variety of topics, including parenting, children, aging, animals, forgiveness, etc. One poem in particular has always resonated with me. It is titled "The Time Is Now," and I find its message both poignant and meaningful. I hope you will agree.

THE TIME IS NOW (Author Unknown)

If you are ever going to love me,

Love me now, while I can know

The sweet and tender feelings

Which from true affection flow.

Love me now

While I am living.

Do not wait until I'm gone

And then have it chiseled in marble,

Sweet words on ice-cold stone.

If you have tender thoughts of me,

Please tell me now.

If you wait until I am sleeping,

Never to awaken,

There will be death between us

And I won't hear you then.

So, if you love me, even a little bit,

Let me know it while I am living

So I can treasure it.

Filled with clever observations, my Keepers booklet is both witty and philosophical. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You will find it to be a quick and easy read, as well as an inexpensive gift for newly married couples, pet lovers, new parents, and anyone who is grieving the loss of a friend or loved one or recovering from an illness.

Marriage & DivorceWork & School
life

Married Couple Working Together May Need Some 'Me Time'

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 13th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 40 years, are professionals and work together. He is cynical, sarcastic, resentful, dismissive and insulting. What should I do? -- AT WIT'S END IN OREGON

DEAR A.W.E.: And you are only writing to me about this now? Having tolerated this kind of ill treatment for 40 years, I think the time has come to tune him out, don't you? Because your relationship may suffer from too much "togetherness," schedule time away from him -- and the business -- and do something pleasurable on your own whenever you can. And suggest he do the same because he may need a change of pace, too.

life

Man Laments That His Marriage Has Gone to the Dogs (and Cats)

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 12th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm recently married, and in my opinion, my wife has too many pets -- seven inside dogs. She also feeds the neighborhood cats, so at any given time of day, there are 10 to 18 cats in our front yard.

The dogs inside have no boundaries. They have taken over the main living space. The family room sofas are filthy and destroyed, so we can't use that space either, and it's a total eyesore. The carpet is gone, and there is dirt and dog hair everywhere.

I'm at my wits' end. I feel I have no say in this matter, and I'm constantly stressed over these living conditions. I hate going home. I have dogs with me when I eat, sleep and make love. I don't know how to approach her on this when she sees nothing wrong with it. All she sees is their cuteness. -- LIVING LIKE AN ANIMAL IN PHOENIX

DEAR LIVING: Didn't you know about your wife's love of animals while you were engaged? Explain to her that when you married her, you didn't realize you would be just another occupant in her doghouse. The living conditions you describe are not only stressful, but could also be considered a health hazard.

Contact the city or county and find out whether there are restrictions on the number of animals that homeowners are allowed to keep on their property. (I hope they have all been spayed or neutered!)

As a partner in this marriage, your wishes should be taken into consideration and a compromise worked out. I, too, am concerned about her feeding the ever-increasing number of neighborhood cats, some of which may carry diseases. One problem with leaving food out for strays is it can attract other "critters," which could endanger the cats she is trying to help.

Marriage & DivorceHealth & Safety
life

Gay Couple's Sleeping Arrangements Cause Strain During Family Visits

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 12th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay man. My sister and I are best friends. I love her dearly. Long story short, she has now taken her religious beliefs much more seriously (Christianity).

She's married, with three wonderful children (6, 4 and 2 years old) who my partner and I adore. They attend church every weekend, rehearse Bible verses with their children every night and are very active in their community.

My partner and I visit as often as we can to spend time with her and the kids. They live 200 miles away, and the drive is a long one, so we stay overnight. On our last visit, she pulled me aside and expressed how uncomfortable she and her husband have been feeling with the sleeping arrangement. They don't agree with us sleeping in the same room because we are "not married."

I know it's more than that -- it is because we are not a straight couple. They said they prefer we sleep in different rooms when we visit them. My partner and I feel devastated, sad and obviously blindsided. We don't know what to do. Can you help? -- SECOND-CLASS CITIZEN

DEAR SECOND CLASS: From your description, it's unlikely that your sister and her husband will become more accepting than they are. As I see it, you have no choice but to "turn the other cheek" and spend your nights in a nearby hotel or motel. That may be the sacrifice you have to make to maintain your close relationship with the kids. If you and your partner eventually decide to marry, do not be surprised if it does not change the situation.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender

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