DEAR ABBY: My secretary has worked for me for six years, and I have fallen in love with her. Neither of us is married. There's a couple of problems, however.

The first is, she's half my age. The second, she's a great secretary, and I would never want to do anything to upset her. I have never said anything about how I feel, but I am fairly certain she knows.

I have never done anything as far as making advances toward her or making any type of inappropriate comments. However, I do know I am in love, and I'm finding it harder to concentrate and wonder what to do, which is why I am writing to you. Should I just leave it alone? -- DAZED AND CONFUSED

DEAR DAZED: Harassment policies in the business world have become more stringent. Conversations that could make a subordinate uncomfortable could put your own employment at risk if you are rebuffed. Because I don't know the policies in the company you work for, I'm recommending you err on the side of caution and leave it alone.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are getting married this summer. We are both atheists here in the Bible Belt and come from religious families who will be invited to our small backyard wedding. Our families don't know that we are atheist. We won't be having any prayers or religious readings in our ceremony.

We are concerned about the reception. There is sure to be someone who expects a prayer over the meal and, if there isn't one, will speak up and do it.

I would like to address this issue ahead of time so our wishes are respected. I thought of perhaps including a little note in the invitations asking that any prayers be offered silently. Would that be rude? Do you have another suggestion to help us figure out the best way to handle this before our big day? -- RELIGIONLESS GATHERING

DEAR RELIGIONLESS: Would it be rude? Yes. Technically, the only enclosure with your invitation should be the RSVP card. Feeling as strongly as your relatives do about religion, your families could feel confused or offended. Because you know someone is likely to want to bless the food, be polite, grin and bear it, and while it's being offered, focus your thoughts on your honeymoon.

DEAR ABBY: I am considering putting aside some money for my granddaughter's college education while I am able to do so. Do I need to see a lawyer for this? I just want a simple solution and need to know the best way to do it. She is 12 and wants to go to college someday. Is setting up a private bank account just for her a good idea? I really need some help in doing it the right way. -- SUPPORTIVE GRANDMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRANDMA: This is a question you should direct to your financial adviser or the manager of your bank. Setting up an education savings account is an excellent idea, and you are a generous and loving grandparent to want to do it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has two boys who treat her like crap. They swear, call her a b----, whore, liar and the f-word. They break things in her house and have no respect for anyone.

The problem started after she broke up with their biological father and married her new boyfriend. The father brainwashes the boys to do these things to make life a living hell with her new husband.

What I cannot understand is why my daughter goes out of her way to please these two ungrateful kids and still cannot see how they are destroying her present household. This is killing me. What can she do to solve the problem? -- ANGRY IN THE WEST

DEAR ANGRY: The first thing your daughter will have to do to solve her problem is acknowledge that there is one, and she may be part of it. Then, she will have to quit trying to ingratiate herself with the boys and act more like a parent than a doormat, which means she will have to institute consequences when her sons misbehave and treat her disrespectfully. Unless she is prepared to do that, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a physician with a heavy call schedule. For years I have struggled with how to RSVP to invitations to cocktail parties and/or dinner. Many times I can go and would like to attend, but I can't be sure my husband will be able to be there. Many times I decline for us both because I worry that it might be awkward for the host/hostess if I accept for myself, but say I'm "not sure" for my husband. How would you handle this? -- REALLY WANTS TO GO IN KANSAS

DEAR REALLY: If I wanted to attend the gathering, I would call my hosts and explain that I would love to come but couldn't guarantee my husband would be able to because of his practice. Then I would add that he might drop by later (if that's feasible). Gracious hosts will welcome you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a longtime reader and I'm curious. Do you ever receive letters from "the other party"? Has anyone ever read your column, realized the letter is about them and written to tell you their side? Would you ever print it if they did? There are always two sides to every story. -- WONDERING IN HOUSTON

DEAR WONDERING: The answer is yes. It happens rarely, but it does happen. Last year I published a letter from a woman who was upset because her ex-husband had promised their daughter a large sum of money for the daughter's wedding. He had told the daughter her mother would pay half the amount. She felt she should have been consulted first. (I agreed.)

I then heard from the ex-husband, who wanted me to know he had "apologized to her profusely" for not discussing the wedding budget beforehand and that he had offered to lower the budget, but the mother "only wanted to be responsible for paying for the bridal gown." He closed by saying, "I'm not looking to get this published, just thought you'd like to know the other side of the story and allow myself to blow off a little steam." I hope this satisfies your curiosity.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out that my husband of 37 years is having an affair. I have supported him in every way I could -- raising our daughters, taking care of the household and holding a full-time job while he traveled for business and his many hobbies.

We both work hard and have developed a good life. We have been discussing retirement and maybe a move to another area. In recent years he has become evasive and has improved his appearance noticeably.

While it's true that I fell out of love with him several years ago because of his selfishness and lack of respect for me, we have still been good partners and parents and enjoyed doing things together. I do not like him spending our money on another woman and don't want this to get back to the children as it will really, really hurt them.

Should I continue to pretend I don't know, or do I confront him? I doubt he would end the affair completely even if he knows it has been found out. And yes, there are a lot of assets involved if this comes to divorce. -- KNOWS THE SECRET

DEAR KNOWS: What a sad story. You say you fell out of love with your husband several years ago. Is it possible that he sensed it?

Because there are "a lot of assets" involved, consult an attorney about what your spousal rights are in the event that a continued partnership is not what your husband wants for the rest of his life. Then tell him you know what has been going on and offer him the option of marriage counseling so the two of you can repair your marriage. His reaction will tell you what you need to do next.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and I had a very close relationship until two years ago when I found out she was hanging out with my ex-husband. This man ruined me financially with his gambling habit, and Mom was first in line telling me to divorce him. From day one she never liked him. My ex went on to make my life a living hell for many years by not paying child support or spending time with our three kids.

All these years later, they now go to the casino together, and she's got him going to her church. I feel hurt and angry. She sings his praises -- "he's a changed man!" I had to finally stop my daily calls and the many texts we shared all day long because, even after I told her how much this behavior hurt me, she told me she was sorry I felt that way. She claims there is nothing to their relationship except friendship. How do I get past feeling replaced and disrespected? -- MISERABLE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MISERABLE: Your mother may consider your ex to be "changed," but I have to question how much someone with a gambling problem has changed if he is accompanying her to a casino. She must be desperate for company to befriend someone who treated her daughter -- and grandchildren -- so badly.

The way to get past feeling replaced and disrespected is to get on with your own life and spend as little time as possible looking back. Your mother has made her choice, and she isn't going to change. Now it's up to you to find things to fill the void she left.