DEAR ABBY: I just found out that my husband of 37 years is having an affair. I have supported him in every way I could -- raising our daughters, taking care of the household and holding a full-time job while he traveled for business and his many hobbies.

We both work hard and have developed a good life. We have been discussing retirement and maybe a move to another area. In recent years he has become evasive and has improved his appearance noticeably.

While it's true that I fell out of love with him several years ago because of his selfishness and lack of respect for me, we have still been good partners and parents and enjoyed doing things together. I do not like him spending our money on another woman and don't want this to get back to the children as it will really, really hurt them.

Should I continue to pretend I don't know, or do I confront him? I doubt he would end the affair completely even if he knows it has been found out. And yes, there are a lot of assets involved if this comes to divorce. -- KNOWS THE SECRET

DEAR KNOWS: What a sad story. You say you fell out of love with your husband several years ago. Is it possible that he sensed it?

Because there are "a lot of assets" involved, consult an attorney about what your spousal rights are in the event that a continued partnership is not what your husband wants for the rest of his life. Then tell him you know what has been going on and offer him the option of marriage counseling so the two of you can repair your marriage. His reaction will tell you what you need to do next.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and I had a very close relationship until two years ago when I found out she was hanging out with my ex-husband. This man ruined me financially with his gambling habit, and Mom was first in line telling me to divorce him. From day one she never liked him. My ex went on to make my life a living hell for many years by not paying child support or spending time with our three kids.

All these years later, they now go to the casino together, and she's got him going to her church. I feel hurt and angry. She sings his praises -- "he's a changed man!" I had to finally stop my daily calls and the many texts we shared all day long because, even after I told her how much this behavior hurt me, she told me she was sorry I felt that way. She claims there is nothing to their relationship except friendship. How do I get past feeling replaced and disrespected? -- MISERABLE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MISERABLE: Your mother may consider your ex to be "changed," but I have to question how much someone with a gambling problem has changed if he is accompanying her to a casino. She must be desperate for company to befriend someone who treated her daughter -- and grandchildren -- so badly.

The way to get past feeling replaced and disrespected is to get on with your own life and spend as little time as possible looking back. Your mother has made her choice, and she isn't going to change. Now it's up to you to find things to fill the void she left.

DEAR ABBY: I am a working stay-at-home mom with a successful career. I am also the primary breadwinner. My husband doesn't work so he can take care of our baby girl full time.

To give me quiet time, my husband often takes her to the mall or someplace fun so I can concentrate. A problem has arisen, though. Since he's alone with our daughter, he's run into problems with security guards who think he's kidnapping her or doing something suspicious. We're not sure what to do about this.

I obviously don't want there to be problems for him, especially since I am not physically able to drive and come to meet him if there's a misunderstanding. Can you tell me the most reliable way to prove that he's our daughter's father and holds no nefarious intent? -- CONCERNED WIFE AND MAMA

DEAR CONCERNED W&M: While this scenario seems incredible to me, if he isn't already doing so, your husband should start carrying family pictures of the two of you and your daughter when he takes her out. That way, if there is any question that your husband is her father, it can be quickly resolved.

DEAR ABBY: My sister invited our mother, who is in her 70s, to my wedding dress fittings. I did not invite her.

I have forgiven my mother for the crappy environment she created for us while I was growing up. I always invite her to family gatherings although she remains demeaning, demoralizing and bitter. My mother can last about an hour in my company without saying something negative and snarky, and I don't want her to ruin this fun occasion.

She knows how I feel about her attitude around me. I don't call or talk to her unless there is a family emergency. I normally grin and bear it on holidays for my sister's sake. My sister has a mental illness, and our mom is an almost daily presence in her life, which I appreciate, as I live in another state. Must I suck it up again for my sister's sake? -- GETTING MARRIED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR GETTING MARRIED: Permit your mother to be present for the first fitting. If, as you predict, she becomes negative and snarky, concentrate on the fitting, then inform her -- and your sister afterward -- that she will not be welcome to join you for another one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old senior in college. I came out as gay at 21, but still haven't found a boyfriend. I had a crush on one guy and thought he liked me back, but a few weeks ago he told me he has a boyfriend. I was heartbroken.

People have always told me it's great to be single, but the truth is I'm just not happy. I'm lonely and I want a boyfriend. I'm having no luck, and I don't know what to do. Help, please. -- SO READY IN TEXAS

DEAR SO READY: Look around and scope out what opportunities there are for an LGBTQ person in your college town. Get out and be sociable. Join an activity group if you have the time. If nothing suits you, go online and research dating sites and apps. However, if you don't find someone there, you may have to be patient for another year until you can move to a community that offers greater options.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your advice and your mother's for decades. I am an attractive 65-year-old woman. I have no problem meeting men. I have been told numerous times I look 20 years younger than my age.

The problem is, if I hear another man tell me how beautiful I am, I may go ballistic. I want a man to appreciate me for my intellect and my personality.

I thought when I was past 50 I would no longer have to hear about my looks. I want a man to appreciate the person I am inside, not outside. I don't wear makeup, and I don't dress up. What does an old lady do to get a man to appreciate her for her brain and not her looks? -- ANNOYED IN FLORIDA

DEAR ANNOYED: Please cut these poor would-be suitors some slack. Until they get to know the person you are inside, what else would you expect them to say to ingratiate themselves? You have been blessed with good looks, an asset most women would welcome. Stop complaining and appreciate what you have. If you do, you will be an even more beautiful woman inside.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are having a debate: A married woman is out of town by herself and meets a man two nights in a row for drinks. Over the next few months she talks to him several times on the phone, and then one night he calls her at 9:30, after she is already in bed, and tells her he's in town. So she gets up, gets dressed (drop-dead gorgeous), takes off and meets him. She sits in his truck for an hour, kissing and hugging, no sex or intimate touching. All of this is without her husband's knowledge. Did this woman have an affair? -- JUST CURIOUS IN GEORGIA

DEAR JUST CURIOUS: YEP! And it may have started when she met him when she was out of town. Even if there was no sex act, plenty of intimate physical contact was happening -- and that's what I'd classify as infidelity.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from "Disgruntled Grandparent" (Dec. 11), whose daughter insisted on always being present when her children were with her mother and father, I have a theory.

My sister would always be present when her children were with our parents. This was because my father had sexually abused her and the rest of us when we were children. She didn't want the same to happen to her children, but also didn't want to deprive them of knowing their grandparents, so that's how she managed it.

Grandma may not know, or understand if she does know, but I'm guessing the daughter is making sure she's present for similar reasons. She wants to ensure it doesn't happen to her kids while continuing to let them interact. These sorts of family dynamics are not black and white, so you manage as best you can with people who you inexplicably still love (or love part of them) but who can't be trusted not to cause great harm.

I recognized that strategy as identical to my sister's, so thought I ought to flag that possible explanation for you. -- ABBY READER IN NEW ZEALAND

DEAR READER: That makes perfect sense, and thank you for writing. "Disgruntled's" letter received a large response and an overwhelming majority of those who wrote suggested a similar scenario. My heart goes out to you for what you and your siblings experienced as children. I hope you were able to get help and support in dealing with the abuse you suffered.