DEAR ABBY: I've been married to my best friend for nine years. We have our ups and downs, but we're generally happy. When "Fifty Shades of Grey" came out, I told him I was interested in exploring that scene. He was thrilled because he's always been in the lifestyle but was afraid to scare me away.

Fast forward four years: I no longer wish to be part of it. It's not for me. I agreed to have a live-in submissive with the understanding that she leaves if I say so. But he's now calling me selfish for suggesting it be only the two of us. He has no intention of ever changing it.

She helps him with his company, which is also lifestyle-related, and claims he can't do it without her. Their relationship is nonsexual. Am I selfish for wanting a normal marriage again? He gave me the master bedroom to myself and says that's the compromise and I need to let him be him. What's your opinion? -- WRONG TURN IN HOUSTON

DEAR WRONG TURN: Wait a minute! If your husband can't run his company without this woman, then I have to wonder who is the submissive.

If sleeping in an empty master bedroom while he sleeps in another and has a "nonsexual" relationship with this person is what you want for your future, you wouldn't be writing to me. You asked for my opinion, and here it is: Let your husband be himself, permit yourself to be yourself and while you're doing that, consult a divorce lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I have a really bad fear of babies and toddlers. My brother's wife just had a second child, and I can't stand being around them. I get really bad anxiety, so I avoid them. His first child is 8, but she is disabled and is like a toddler. I get freaked out around her, too.

When they come over, I go outside or into my room and hide. On top of that, my sister is pregnant and living here with me and our parents. I'm only 17, so I can't move out. It's hard enough when my brother visits with his kids, but if one lives with me, I know I'm gonna lose it. I'm too afraid to talk to my parents about this. -- LOSING IT IN THE WEST

DEAR LOSING IT: You are NOT going to lose it. You ARE going to talk with your parents about this because you cannot keep hiding in your room forever. The longer you do, the higher your level of anxiety will become.

Have you any idea why you feel the way you do about babies and toddlers? Is it their size, their fragility, the sound of their voices? You may need help from a licensed therapist to get past this. (Some individuals do.) It's important that you understand what is driving this panic because, if you don't, you will find yourself increasingly isolated as your friends and relatives start families.

DEAR ABBY: Our high school-age daughter has a great group of friends. They often spend the night at each other's houses for sleepovers. It's usually two to four girls sharing rooms and beds. My dilemma is that one of her friends is a gay boy. She asked if he could stay over. After some thought, our response was that he could, but in a separate bed. What would your answer have been? -- NOT IN THE PARENTING HANDBOOK

DEAR NOT: Mine would have been the same as yours, if only for the sake of "propriety."

DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I'm a 66-year-old woman who has been single most of my life. I am semi-retired and don't look or act my age.

I recently met the man of my dreams on a dating app. We are the same age, and the attraction is mutual. However, there's one thing I'm having trouble with. He lives on Social Security, which is OK, but he has no upper teeth. He lost his false teeth. His bottom teeth are rotten, and he has no intention of replacing them.

I would be willing to pay for his teeth, but because I'm not sure how to approach the subject, I have decided not to see him anymore. We have agreed to stay in contact by texting. I don't know how to handle this. Can you help me? -- TURNED OFF IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TURNED OFF: Your ideal man has more problems than having lost his uppers. His lack of attention to dental hygiene is a danger to his health. If you care about him, point it out. And when you do, explain that there are low-cost options for getting treatment -- such as contacting a school of dentistry where students treat patients under the supervision of qualified professors. If his problem is fear of dentists, that can be dealt with too.

Rather than write any checks to pay for his new teeth, encourage him to be more proactive in taking care of himself. If you do, you'll be doing him a favor.

DEAR ABBY: I have read letters in your column about lazy adult sons moving back home. I'd like to present the other side of the story.

After being gone 15 years, my son lost his job, house and wife and had to move back with us. I admit I was apprehensive, but on his first day home he started to rebuild our 30-year-old patio. After that, he painted our house, installed air conditioning in our garage, planted and harvested a garden, which he maintained, landscaped the yard and helped in numerous other ways.

Soon he found a good job and a great girlfriend. He eventually bought a home and moved out. He lives nearby and still maintains our vehicles and helps out a lot around the house with things my wife and I find difficult to do. He borrowed my truck one day and brought it home with four new tires!

Abby, I thought you might be interested to read an upbeat story on this subject for a change. (I have a great daughter, too -- but that's a different story.) -- GRATEFUL DAD IN NEVADA

DEAR GRATEFUL DAD: You are absolutely right that I am interested. Thank you for such an upbeat letter. I don't know what your recipe was for child rearing, but I'm sorry you didn't share it. Your son is a gem!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: I wish a happy, healthy new year to all of you who celebrate this holiday. The Year of the Pig begins today. People born in the Year of the Pig are warmhearted, loyal, honest and gentle. (They can also be naive, gullible, sluggish and short-tempered.) On the upside, they seem to be blessed with intelligence and creativity. Notable individuals born in the Year of the Pig include Stephen King, Julie Andrews, Duke Ellington, Lucille Ball, Magic Johnson, Ernest Hemingway and Elton John.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law was a drug addict for most of my wife's life. Because of this, my wife refuses to use any addictive substances, including alcohol. I enjoy having a beer or three occasionally. I never get drunk, just pleasantly tipsy. This happens maybe once a month.

Every time I drink, she gets very judgmental, as if I'm some sort of alcoholic. I have tried talking to her about it when I'm not drinking. She claims she doesn't care if I drink occasionally. Then as soon as I do, she rolls her eyes at me, sighs if I get a second one and asks me why I'm drinking. I'm puzzled about why she acts this way. Please help! -- JUST A DRINK IN THE EAST

DEAR JUST A DRINK: She acts this way because she is the child of an addict, and seeing someone imbibe one -- or three -- drinks at one time makes her remember how her parent behaved while under the influence, which makes her uncomfortable. And frankly, I can't blame her. There are support groups for adult children of addicts that can be extremely helpful. I hope your wife looks into them for her benefit and for the benefit of your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm on the verge of a divorce, about to start a trial separation. There was no cheating involved on my part or hers. There haven't been any money issues, either.

My soon-to-be ex-wife decided, after 11 years of marriage and no sex for the past two years, that she wants to be alone and has no feelings for me. I'm totally floored, and I'm not sure of what I'm asking other than your opinion of this. She has agreed to go to marriage counseling. Do you really throw away a marriage over this, and should I move out and hope she misses me and wants me back? -- BROKENHEARTED DUDE

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Do not move out and "hope" your wife wants you back. If you separate, you may decide that you don't want her back. I'm pleased she's willing to go to counseling with you. It may create a path toward healing your marriage, if it is salvageable. It will also help you to understand what went wrong. (I suggest you start exploring the circumstances under which your sex life died.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently received a cash gift from my mother. We are not close and rarely communicate. Being her daughter, I assume she loves, and likes, me. I cannot claim to share those feelings.

I am not in need of money. I have a decent income, but she doesn't know how much I earn. She likely needs the cash more than I do. Is there a way I can give it back to her without hurting her feelings? If not, how do I accept this gift that I do not want? -- GUILTY NEW YORKER

DEAR GUILTY: Not knowing your mother, I can't guess why she gave you this money or what her financial situation is. Because you are afraid you will make an already fragile relationship even more delicate if you return the money, the prudent thing to do would be to graciously thank her for it -- perhaps in a written note. Because accepting her gift makes you feel guilty, consider putting the money aside just in case at some point she may need it in the future.