DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts about having a sex-only arrangement with an ex? Most of the women I've dated have contacted me after the relationship was over hoping to have "no-strings-attached" sex on a regular basis. I have always refused because I figured it would make it more difficult to move on and to meet someone new.

That said, I'm an attractive guy in my early 30s, and I'd hate to continue to waste my prime sexual years. I'd love to be married and have a family, but I'm struggling to find a woman who is honest, loyal, a good communicator and independent. That leaves me with either having no sex while hoping for a miracle, or a lot of sex with women I don't really like. -- SEARCHING IN OREGON

DEAR SEARCHING: Dating may look like fun, but at a certain point it becomes serious business. You have reached an age at which you know what you are looking for. However, you will never find it as long as you tie yourself to women who don't fit the bill. This does not mean you must live like a monk, only that you direct your sexual (and emotional) energies forward rather than backward if your goal is marriage and a family.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and unlike most girls I know, I prefer to be natural. I don't shave or wax my body hair. My friends accept this as my business. But my stepsisters, whom I share a room with every other weekend, say I look gross and proudly display their shave and wax jobs. They say their boyfriends and nearly all guys prefer it.

I have a boyfriend, but we aren't to that point. However, someday that day will come. Does it really matter to guys if a girl shaves and waxes? Also, how do I deal with my stepsisters? -- NATURAL IN THE WEST

DEAR NATURAL: Deal with your stepsisters by continuing to ignore their advice and following your own path. The idea that women should be hairless from the eyelids down is one that Madison Avenue and the porn industry have foisted on the public. I can't predict how "guys" will react to you in your natural state, but I can say this: A MAN who cares about you will be only too glad to accept the entire package -- fur and all.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who visits me often. Recently I discovered that in addition to eating snacks I put out, he has been sneaking food and things like canned beverages from my home when I'm not looking.

He has money. In fact, he is a very generous person. I can't get over his behavior. Is it right that this bothers me, and if so, what should I say? -- MISSING MY FOOD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING: It should bother you, because as petty as it is, it's still theft. What you should say is, "Why are you taking food from my home without asking me first?" It's a legitimate question. If he denies it, your buddy may be a bit of a kleptomaniac.

DEAR ABBY: We need some advice. Recently we hosted our annual holiday party and invited all of our neighbors and friends. Our invitation stated that the party would run between 5 and 11:30 so our guests could also attend other parties that might be going on at the same time.

As our party was winding down, it was noticed that one of our guests -- who had been at a previous party -- had wet themselves on our sofa and covered the spot up with throw pillows. We served wine, punch, etc. at our party, but this couple arrived pretty tipsy already. In the future, should we just not invite these neighbors? We are very distressed about this. What do you suggest? -- OOPS! IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR OOPS!: The guilty party should have owned up to what happened and offered to pay for having your couch professionally cleaned rather than try to cover it up. If you are 100 percent sure it was one particular couple, not inviting them to more gatherings would absolutely guarantee that it won't happen again.

P.S. Covering your furniture in waterproof slipcovers when you entertain a crowd may be something you might want to consider in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a boarding school student, and I absolutely hate it here! I worked hard to get in, and I realize how lucky I am to have been accepted, but I just want to go home and go to school at my public high school with all of my friends and my brother. My friends understand, but my parents think I'm over-exaggerating. I am sad all the time, and I cry at least once a day. How do I approach this to help my parents understand? -- AWAY FROM EVERYTHING

DEAR AWAY: You stated that you worked hard to get into this school, but you miss being with your friends back home. The quality of education you are now receiving will prove very important when you are getting ready for college. It's possible that with some help you can make new friends at this school. Stop crying alone and talk about your feelings with a trusted teacher or administrator. I'm sure it won't be the first time the person has heard something like this, and the input you receive could prove helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a job that requires I call several businesspeople each day. Often I need to leave a voicemail message. It has become more and more common for voicemail greetings to say, "I will call you back at my earliest convenience." I find this very off-putting and rude, as if my call is an intrusion and they will call back "whenever." I think the word "convenience" is best used when offering it to someone else, as in, "Call me at your earliest convenience." I always try to return phone calls promptly, whether it's convenient or not. Am I just old-fashioned or what? -- NOT SO CONVENIENT IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR NOT SO: The individuals you are calling have the right to put any message they wish on their voicemail greeting. He or she may be on another business call or away from the office. The voicemail message is not being addressed to you personally.

You are old-fashioned. You also appear to be overly sensitive, and I think, for your own sake, you should get over it.

DEAR READERS: The departments of psychiatry and medicine at Tufts Medical Center want to learn more about the impact caregiving has on family members and friends of people who have been diagnosed with depression or other illnesses.

Because family members and friends play a large part in providing care while also balancing jobs and other responsibilities, the physicians and research scientists at Tufts are asking you, my readers, to share the impact caregiving has on different aspects of your life, including your ability to work and your health and well-being. This information will be used to improve services to caregivers and the people they support.

You may be eligible to participate if you are a:

-- caregiver for a relative or friend with depression or other illnesses,

-- person who has depression that has not improved with treatment,

-- person who is employed and not involved in caregiving.

If you are interested in participating in this important study, please visit bewellatwork.org/NCS/. Participation in this study is voluntary and anonymous. It involves answering a brief set of questions and, if you are eligible to participate, completing an anonymous survey. The entire study is conducted on the internet and is completely private. In the past, readers have generously helped by sharing your experiences, and I hope you will do so again.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant with my first child, and my husband and I are happily awaiting our baby's arrival. I am fretting over something I need some help figuring out. My mother-in-law is a serious smoker. She smokes in her home, in her car and right before getting into anyone's car or leaving home. She reeks of smoke all the time.

I do not want my baby around a smoker, but of course, I want our baby to bond with Grandma. She's oblivious to the dangers of second- and third-hand smoke and laughs it off. My husband says we can't make her stop smoking, and he doesn't want to talk with her about it. I am adamant about our baby having a smoke-free environment. What do I do? -- PROTECTIVE FUTURE MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: Your tobacco-addicted mother-in-law is not going to quit smoking. Your husband doesn't want to talk to his mother about it because he knows it will go nowhere. That leaves you.

Unfortunately, your child is going to have to live in a world in which there are people who smoke. While you may be able to minimize his/her exposure, you cannot guarantee that from childhood to adulthood your child's environment will be entirely smoke-free. Because you are adamant -- for good reason -- about your baby having a smoke-free environment, you will have to insist, with your husband present, that Grandma bond with her grandchild in your home or some other smoke-free environment. Period.