DEAR ABBY: I gave birth a month ago to a wonderful baby boy. My husband and I originally planned to put him in day care when I go back to work. I carefully researched and eventually found one I was comfortable with. When my mom found out, she said she had assumed she would be watching him, so I eventually told her she could.

My parents watch my sister's young children seven days a week. The children are very ill-behaved due to an absent, immature mother and absent father. I do not want my son subjected to their tantrums and violent behavior, nor do I want him to think that their behavior is acceptable. I love my mom very much, and I feel she deserves time away from children, but more than that, I don't want my baby in that environment. How do I kindly tell her that I've changed my mind? I'm afraid it will hurt her feelings. -- AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

DEAR AT A LOSS: Your mother has been watching those children seven days a week for how long? If she hasn't been able to get them to behave, you are right in thinking things would not be any different with your child. Tell your mother -- firmly -- that you do not want your son to be around his cousins on a daily basis because these are his formative years, and you don't want him to think their behavior is normal. Your thinking is correct, so hold your ground and don't let her talk you out of it.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Gladys," was looking for a home for an old dog. "Breezy" was 12, and his owner had died. Gladys was fostering Breezy until a new home could be found. I told her I'd take him if she couldn't find another good home. She ended up finding one.

Breezy was living with his new owners for about a month when they called to tell Gladys the dog "wasn't feeling well." When she went to check on it, she decided the placement wasn't working out and asked if I would take him. I agreed and told her I would give him a good home.

A couple days later, Gladys called saying the previous owners had taken Breezy to a veterinarian and expected her to pay the vet bill because she had taken the dog back. Now she's expecting me to reimburse her for the $319 vet bill because I have him! I don't think I should be responsible for the bill but offered to pay half. Gladys doesn't agree, and it has turned into a huge fight between friends. Am I responsible for that bill? Please help. -- DOG LOVER

DEAR DOG LOVER: No, you are not responsible. You did your friend a favor by agreeing to take the dog off her hands. The folks who adopted Breezy should be paying the vet bill because they are the ones who incurred it. Further, it was very generous of you to offer to pay half so your "friend" wouldn't be stuck paying the whole thing.

You adopted an old dog. It's likely that there will be more veterinary expenses in the future. I hope you have pet insurance because you may need it.

DEAR ABBY: I may be having a midlife crisis. I'm not happy in my marriage and haven't been for quite some time. I pray every night that my husband will find someone else so he will leave our marriage. I tried to leave him before, but financially I couldn't make it. I'm now at the point where I don't care about the financial side of it.

I recently kissed a co-worker. It was really hot, heavy and I want more. I haven't felt this alive in years. My co-worker is not the reason I want a divorce, but now, feeling desired by someone makes me want out even more. But I'm a coward. I don't know how to tell my husband I'm no longer in love with him. -- COWARD IN THE SOUTH

DEAR COWARD: Not knowing you, I can't determine whether you may be having a midlife crisis. However, you definitely do need to talk to your husband, if only to ask if he feels the same emptiness that you do. It would be better for both of you if you tried counseling to see if it's possible to heal your marriage before you run out the door.

I caution you about involving yourself in a workplace romance while you are feeling this needy. If it doesn't work out -- and most of them don't -- you could find yourself not only without a husband but also a job.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a man I'll call Mike for several years. We eventually broke up because of distance and a difference of opinion about where we wanted to live. I also had developed a crush on a female friend, which contributed to my decision to break off with him.

The crush didn't work out. Now, more than a year later, Mike and I are close friends. I visited him recently and realized I still have feelings for him. I want to get back together, but I don't think I should say it unless I am 100 percent certain I won't break up with him again.

Abby, I wonder if I might be gay. I don't know what to do. I love Mike, but I'm paranoid that I'll eventually regret getting back together with him. I couldn't betray his trust again. What should I do? -- CONFUSED 20-SOMETHING

DEAR CONFUSED: You may be gay; you might also be bisexual or simply curious. You owe it to yourself and to Mike to talk to a counselor and explore what your sexual orientation is. If you and Mike have worked through your other differences, only the two of you can decide whether to resume your relationship or just be friends. (Friendships have been known to sometimes last longer than romantic relationships.)

DEAR ABBY: My question is, is it ethical to "try" the fruit at the grocery store? I am amazed at the number of shoppers who open the bags of grapes and help themselves to a snack. Shouldn't they buy without sampling? -- CRAIG IN FLORIDA

DEAR CRAIG: Theoretically, shoppers should buy without sampling. Talk to the manager of the grocery store about it. Some establishments leave a bag of grapes, cherries, etc. open for shoppers to sample to see if they would like to buy. If that's not happening in the store you patronize, consider suggesting it.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Jane," and I have been in love for three years. We're both in our 30s. Jane and her daughter have lived with me long enough to know that I want to be a part of -- and contribute to -- the rest of their lives. Jane knows I never want to be married, but that I am committed to her. I know how to make sure she is taken care of in the event that I pass away, and I'm in the process of making that a reality.

I would like to give her a special diamond. Is there a way to give her the moment she deserves without asking her to marry me? -- SHE DESERVES BETTER

DEAR SHE DESERVES BETTER: I doubt it. If Jane would like to be married and is open about your relationship, don't be surprised if she tells you she would rather have a proposal and a wedding than a diamond and a legal document.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's parents forgot his birthday -- again. Last year, he laughed it off. This year, it wasn't so funny. It's especially hurtful because they not only remember his other adult siblings' birthdays, but throw parties or dinners for them to which we are invited.

Would I be out of line to send them a reminder next year? I don't want them to think I'm fishing for a party; I just would like them to call their son on his birthday. -- CALENDAR GIRL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CALENDAR GIRL: Why do I think there is more to this story than you have mentioned? Your husband may have done -- or not done -- something that upset his parents, and this may be their passive-aggressive way of punishing him.

Do not "remind" them of the birthday. They are well aware of when it is. Instead, plan a celebration for him with some of his friends, and make the occasion a happy one with no mention of his parents.

DEAR ABBY: Please explain why DJs or bands think it's appropriate to blast their music at occasions like weddings, dinners or any gathering, for that matter, to the point that the guests have to shout at each other. I thought music was supposed to be in the background, to be enjoyed during a meal or conversation, then raised a little louder for dancing, since dancers want to hear the music.

I was at a golf tournament recently, and we asked the DJs to turn the volume down because the players were still golfing. They did, but when players started coming in, the music got louder and louder until it was blasting. The more people who came in, the louder it got. Abby, how do you feel about this? -- TOO LOUD IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR TOO LOUD: This may happen because of the size of the room or the mood the musicians are attempting to create. However, unless music is being played in a dance club, increasing the volume to the point that attendees cannot comfortably carry on a conversation is intrusive.