DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago, I went out for a night of social drinking with friends. After consuming several drinks, I made the mistake of thinking I could drive home. The result was I was arrested for DUI. As it was my first offense, the charges were dismissed after I completed a diversion program. Although not considered a conviction, the arrest is still accessible through open records in my state. This was, and is, a source of embarrassment to me.

I no longer drink alcohol. I want your readers to know they need to think twice before drinking and driving. That one night changed my life forever, and it will change theirs if they're involved in an accident and hurt or take someone's life. I was lucky that neither of those things happened to me.

Now I have a concern regarding my teenage daughter. She's at an age where she's aware of the dangers of drinking and driving. She has little respect for people she has heard about who have been arrested for DUIs. She doesn't know about my arrest. If she chose to, she could access my open records and see my DUI arrest. Should I tell her about my past, or keep it to myself? Although we have a good father/daughter relationship, I'm concerned if I tell her it could have a negative impact going forward. -- LEARNED THE LESSON

DEAR LEARNED: Some teens can be judgmental because they have not yet had enough life experience to practice empathy. While I don't think the odds are great that your daughter will search online to see if her parent has a record, I do think you should have another discussion with her about the repercussions of driving under the influence. And when you do, emphasize that this kind of error in judgment can happen to anyone who gets behind the wheel after drinking alcohol or ingesting prescription drugs because it once happened to you -- and unless she's aware, it could also happen to her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 54 and finally finishing my bachelor's degree. It has been a very long journey, and I'm excited to finally attain it. My question is: Which last name should I put on my degree? I still use my ex-husband's last name because I have a son with him. After I remarried I still didn't change it.

My educational goal was a personal one, and I'm proud of myself for finishing it. I wanted to use my maiden name on my degree because this degree is also for my parents, although both have since passed. So, which last name should I use for my degree? -- UNSURE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: If you plan to use your degree for anything more than a wall decoration, and plan on continuing to use your ex-husband's name in your career, put that name on the diploma. If not, using your maiden name as a sentimental tribute to your parents is a lovely idea.

DEAR ABBY: My 38-year-old daughter is being married this summer. This is her first marriage, and we are planning the wedding. She has never planned a big event like this before, and every suggestion I make gets us into a fight. I know it's upsetting her terribly, and it's upsetting me as well.

We have always been close. I understand it's her wedding, but I would like some input since my husband and I are paying for it, and there are certain traditions I would like continued. Also, every time I suggest inviting someone, her reaction is, "... I don't know. They're your friends, not mine." Well, I would like my friends to share this moment in my daughter's life. What's the solution here? -- FIGHTING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FIGHTING: You may be a "traditional" mother, but customs have changed since you were a bride. Among them is the fact that women your daughter's age usually pay for their own weddings, which entitles them to run their own show. I think the solution to your problem may involve suggesting that to your daughter. If you are footing the bill for the "show," you should absolutely have some say about the production, and your daughter should be mature enough to accept it -- along with the check -- or finance it herself.

DEAR ABBY: My son is 24 and in the military. He has always been sarcastic, and his humor always involves cutting the other person down. I think it can be part of the culture in the military, which has made it worse. I thought as he matured he would mellow. It wears you down and becomes exhausting after a while.

I'm afraid he'll never be able to find and keep a girlfriend if he keeps acting this way. The "humor" quickly wears thin, and no one wants to be spoken to like that.

When girls start dating, most of them are taught to watch how a guy treats his mother and sisters because that's how he'll treat her eventually. If a girlfriend of his heard how he speaks to me and his sisters, they would run. Nice girls want nice guys, who speak kindly. How do I talk to him about this, or should I just keep my mouth shut? -- EXHAUSTED IN THE EAST

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Not only should you not stay silent, recognize that you should have insisted your son treat you and his sisters with respect and consideration by the age of 10. While that message may be harder to impress upon him at this late date, have that discussion with him now, and point out what an unattractive personality trait he's displaying. If you want to couch it in terms of how it will affect his love life, by all means do. No woman with self-esteem would tolerate what he's doing for long because it's verbal abuse.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's ex-husband allowed his 5-year-old son to sleep with his girlfriend's 6-year-old daughter during a weekend visit. What do you think of this? -- CONCERNED GRANDMOTHER

DEAR CONCERNED: Not knowing either child, I hesitate to venture an opinion. Their parents are in a better position to decide something like this, so it may be a subject to raise with them if you haven't already.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have lived together off and on for three years. We met at a lesbian bar in Los Angeles, and it was love at first sight for me.

I suspect she has been seeing another woman. She has changed her dress style and even her cologne. When I confront her, begging her to tell me if she's been cheating, she laughs it off. We don't communicate well anymore, and she's sleeping in another room now.

I have cared for her for so long. We were going to be married. Now I feel she doesn't love me anymore. I have tried following her, but she disappears and sometimes doesn't come home for days. I haven't slept or eaten in weeks.

I love her so much. If she doesn't come back to me, I've had thoughts of suicide. I can't afford a shrink. I hope you can help. -- FREAKED OUT & CLUELESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FREAKED OUT: What's happening is painful, but you don't need a "shrink" to help you figure this out. People who love each other -- or even care about each other's feelings -- do not treat each other the way you are being treated. That your girlfriend has been seeing someone else is entirely possible. And whether she laughs it off or not, it isn't funny.

I know it's hard, but someone who acts the way she has isn't worth killing yourself over. It may be scary, but it's time for the two of you to separate. If you need emotional support, have friends with you when you tell her. And if you need more support than they can give, contact the nearest gay and lesbian center for counseling because they will be able to help you. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has gotten herself into more debt than she earns in a year. She finally confessed to me that she can make only the minimum payments on her credit cards.

She has asked me for help, but she refuses to allow me to monitor her progress paying off her debts. I have refused to help her get out of the hole she has dug for herself unless I have access to her credit card statements. She had the gall to be upset with my request. I no longer trust her to manage her spending. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- NEEDS ACCESS IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS ACCESS: No, you are not wrong. Your wife has a serious problem and is refusing to take the "medicine" that's required to fix it. I'm not sure what kind of help she expects from you, unless it's money to bail her out of her situation.

Some people shop for the "thrill"; others do it to cope with depression. I have mentioned an organization, Debtors Anonymous, in my column before. It's for individuals who are unable to control their spending. The website is debtorsanonymous.org, and you should look into it. However, if your wife continues to refuse to allow her spending to be monitored, for the sake of your own financial future, you should consult an attorney.