DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl. I'm a fun person to be with, and I love spending time with my friends and family. But one thing sometimes ruins it. I have a bit of a temper and some anger problems. I'm wondering if you have anything that could help me control my temper and be nicer to people? I get into disagreements with people I care about because of my attitude. Can you give me some guidance? -- TESTY TEEN IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TEEN: If you think you are the only person with anger issues, you are mistaken. We are living in increasingly stressful times that have affected most of us in one way or another.

It takes self-control -- and maturity -- to react calmly instead of spouting off angrily. Before you can deal with your anger problem you need to be able to pinpoint what makes you lose control. The problem with a hair-trigger temper is that those who fly off the handle sometimes shoot themselves in the foot.

While anger is a normal emotion we all experience at one time or another, most people start learning to control it during childhood. Uncontrolled anger is destructive because it drives others away, making it impossible to maintain healthy, successful relationships. The trick is learning to express anger in constructive rather than destructive ways. My booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It" offers suggestions on how to recognize you are angry before you lose control and how to channel it appropriately. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. I hope it will be helpful for you. It takes maturity to identify and verbalize negative emotions rather than lash out at others. Being able to calmly say, "I'm having a bad day today," or, "When you say (or do) that, it makes me angry" will earn you the respect of others. And it is the key to defusing anger before you lose control.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished building my dream home. My dilemma is, now that I have a wonderful home gym, my in-laws want to use it. I feel selfish saying no. But I'm a very private and somewhat introverted person, and I really like my space. I'm afraid if I agree, it may become inconvenient for me when I want to use it. Where do I draw the line?

Am I being selfish? If not, how do I refuse without disrupting the family dynamics? I have a feeling it wouldn't sit well, and so far, I've been coming up with excuses to avoid the situation. Please help. -- RUNNING OUT OF EXCUSES

DEAR RUNNING OUT: A tactful solution might be to "remind" your in-laws that you want the gym to be available for your private use when you need it, and suggest some hours or days when there wouldn't be a conflict. And hold a good thought. Interest in working out in gyms is notoriously short-lived, so your problem may disappear in quick time.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married more than 20 years. Once in a while, he'll stop being affectionate and ceases talking to me. Obviously, he is upset. He holds it together for our children, but I get the serious cold shoulder.

He won't tell me why he is unhappy. He simply expects me to give him "space." This is difficult because I assume it's something I have done, and I want to make it right. After several days, he'll start coming around and talking to me again, and he expects me to jump right back into our usual behavior. But by this time I feel abandoned and resentful.

It generally takes me some time to warm back up to him, which doesn't make him very happy since he doesn't see anything wrong with his needing space. I realize that's true, but should I be expected to put aside my hurt feelings overnight? How can I deal with these difficult days so I won't feel so alone and get upset with him? And what should I do when he expects me to bounce right back? -- TIED IN KNOTS IN TEXAS

DEAR TIED IN KNOTS: You're in a long marriage. Has your husband always behaved this way? Talk to him about it at a time when he's himself and not in one of his silent phases.

As you should be aware by now, not all men are good at expressing their feelings. Rather than become upset with him, ask if he is upset with you. If the answer is no, believe him and give him his space. It would be considerate (and mature) of him, however, to warn you when he's upset about something that has nothing to do with you, without prompting.

DEAR ABBY: Is there an organization that matches seniors who would love to be grandmothers with families that need grandparents for their child/children?

I'm a 70-year-old recent widow who has no grandchildren to love, take places, play games with or just be with. I would think in every city there are children with no seniors in their lives, seniors who could make great grandparents. It would be a win-win for both the child and the senior. It could also be a blessing for a single mother or father to have someone to help out with emergency child care or just have some extra "family" in their hometown. -- UNFULFILLED GRANDMA IN MINNESOTA

DEAR UNFULFILLED: Unless the parents get to know you well, it isn't likely they would entrust their children to your care. However, this doesn't mean you cannot volunteer your time to help children in need. One organization is Big Brothers Big Sisters of America (bbbs.org), which offers opportunities to mentor. Another that might appeal to you is Foster Grandparents, which is sponsored by the Corporation for National and Community Service.

You could also call the hospitals in your area and ask if they need someone to come in on a regular basis to hold and rock premature infants and newborns. If you contact CASA for Children (casaforchildren.org), you could become a court-appointed advocate for abused and neglected children and teens, which may provide the emotional satisfaction you need and fill the void you are feeling.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I raised two children -- a son who is a successful doctor and a daughter who is a multipost-grad botanist. We are 72 now, in moderately failing health and very successful ourselves.

Our children were raised properly. We gave them all they would ever need to succeed and be happy. However, neither one is particularly interested in a loving relationship with us. Holidays together are strained.

Frankly, I'm quite sick of both of them. They are inconsiderate, insensitive and standoffish. We make no demands on either of them and never impose ourselves in any way. They never invite us to anything. We want to move away and disappear. What do you think? -- ENOUGH ALREADY, IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ENOUGH: People can disappear without physically moving away, as your children have already demonstrated. Have you tried asking them why they are so distant? Unless you do, nothing will change. Because holidays are strained, celebrate with those who appreciate you and whose company you enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: I invited a couple out for the husband's 60th birthday. We sat at the "chef's table" (in the front of the kitchen) and had amazing food and service. We all agreed it was a perfect evening.

I paid the bill and left a 25 percent tip on a $400 bill (for three people). The couple then proceeded to hand cash to the staff in spite of the fact that I had told them I had already tipped 25 percent, and they acknowledged that they knew it.

It was never my intention that they pay anything, and I was embarrassed. I felt like creeping out of the restaurant and never going back. Am I wrong to feel this way? Why wasn't my gift enough? -- EMBARRASSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your gift was enough, and obviously the birthday celebration was a success. Your guests were so impressed that they shared their pleasure with the staff. What they did was no reflection on you, and you should not allow it to discourage you from going back. In fact, I'm sure the establishment will welcome you with open arms.

DEAR ABBY: My sixth-grade grandson is in a 2 1/2-hour social studies class. He told me that during that time the teacher texts at least six times. I think this deprives the students of valuable instructional time. My daughter hasn't spoken to the principal about it -- yet. I wonder when this concern will be expressed by other parents and discussed in your column. -- TIME TO LEARN IN TEXAS

DEAR TIME TO LEARN: Has your daughter discussed this with the parents of the other students? If she hasn't, she should, because they may not be aware of what the teacher is doing. If they find it as concerning as you and your daughter do, they should approach the principal as a group.