DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 34 good years. He's a little older than I am and was married twice before we met while in our 20s. (They were very brief marriages.) When we married, I knew about one of his marriages, but learned about the other one only much later from his sister. I was stunned and felt betrayed that he hadn't told me, but we worked it out.

My husband loves to tell stories about everything he's ever done, but he never says a word about those earlier relationships. Long ago, I asked a few times about what happened, and he cut me off. My question is why, especially after our 34 years together, can't he be straight with me once and for all and tell me what happened?

I haven't brought this up in a long time, but it seems like we should be able to talk about it openly. I'm curious, but not in a petty way. I just wonder what happened. In the past he has said it is "none of my business."

Why is he so rude and closemouthed about these marriages from so long ago? Should I never ask again? -- MISSING THE WHOLE STORY

DEAR MISSING: I am guessing the reason your husband reacts the way he has when you tried to talk about his first two marriages is because he is ashamed about what happened. He may have cheated on his wives, or they cheated or took advantage of him in some way. I don't blame you for wanting to know your husband's history, but your marriage has worked for 34 years, and really, how relevant is this information in the scheme of things? Let it go.

DEAR ABBY: After my sister got pregnant, she married the baby's father. They struggle financially, and my family helps as much as we can, but it still isn't enough.

Her husband has no high school diploma, and he has a criminal record from 20 years ago, although he hasn't been in trouble since. He claims he has dyslexia and health problems, but he still smokes and drinks. No doctor will sign off on his being disabled. He isn't motivated enough to find a job or help my sister with chores. She finally asked me to help by talking to him.

How do I start a conversation with him to say he needs to step up and contribute? We're cordial but not close. I don't want to alienate him. He has threatened to take my nephew, but he has no money or place to go. This man is 40 years old and lives like a teenager. Any advice? -- ANNA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANNA: Your brother-in-law isn't likely to listen to you any more than he has listened to your sister. If there are any male relatives in your family, it might be more effective if he hears the message from them. The fact that he may (or may not) have dyslexia is no excuse for his lack of motivation. Many successful people have dyslexia and are able to thrive.

Because your sister's husband is threatening to take their child and run, she should talk to a lawyer about what steps she needs to take in order to prevent this deadbeat from following through. Call your state bar association or contact a local law school for guidance about getting low-cost or free legal advice. She may also want to ask about divorce so she doesn't wind up supporting him forever.

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2019! A new year has arrived, and with it our chance for a new beginning.

Today we have an opportunity to discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's resolutions, which were adapted by my late mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. And I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by L.J. Bhatia, a reader from New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

And so, Dear Readers, may 2019 bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, after five years of marriage, I divorced my ex-husband, "Taylor." We agreed to separate because I believed I had fallen out of love with him. We have remained friendly and communicate often.

Since the divorce, I have struggled with feelings of guilt and the creeping suspicion that I have made a mistake. I think I am still in love with him. Taylor desperately wants us to get remarried, and lately I have been considering it. However, I have another issue to consider.

For the past few months, I have been seeing another man, "Jacob." Although he is sweet and affectionate, Jacob is needy, clingy and struggles with depression and anxiety. He often expresses suicidal thoughts over problems in his life, including the thought of me leaving him. He is in therapy, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

I am terrified of breaking up with him to reconcile with my ex-husband because I honestly believe Jacob would kill himself, and I could not live with that. Any advice would be appreciated. -- IN A HARD SPOT IN ALABAMA

DEAR HARD SPOT: Jacob is in therapy. Write a letter to his therapist and explain your concerns. That way the therapist will understand in advance that his/her patient may be heading for a rough patch. Regardless of whether Jacob is serious about killing himself should you end the relationship, for your own sake, you must not allow yourself to become a prisoner of his illness. That dynamic is unhealthy for you.

I must caution you, however, not to allow yourself to be pressured into reconciling with your ex unless both of you have premarital counseling so you won't fall back into the pattern that destroyed your marriage. Whether it was lack of communication, boredom, a dull sex life -- you both must understand where it went off track and take steps to correct it before remarrying.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are close friends with another couple we love dearly. Lately the wife has been concerned about her husband's continued weight gain. She makes comments when we are all out to dinner about what he wants to order and insists they share a meal or that he choose something lighter.

I know she's concerned about diabetes and heart disease and all the other ills obesity can bring, but I don't think this is helping. In fact, I think it's pushing him to want to eat more. How can we as friends help them to overcome this? For the record, he now weighs more than 300 pounds. -- BEST FRIENDS IN TEXAS

DEAR FRIENDS: Your friend's husband is dangerously overweight. She may be panicking at the reality that the load he's carrying could shorten their marriage. What she doesn't realize is that the motivation for him to deal with his weight problem has to come from him, not her.

Rather than second guess what he's eating when you are all out to dinner, she should encourage him to talk with his doctor and a nutritionist about what he needs to do to get healthy. Please tell her that. It won't happen overnight, and she should expect him to fall off the wagon sometimes. But with determination, it can be done.

DEAR READERS: Well, 2018 is on the brink of being over! Out with the old, in with the new. Please accept my heartfelt good wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2019. And, as I caution every year, if you are out partying to ring in the new year, please make appropriate transportation arrangements and be safe! -- LOVE, ABBY