DEAR ABBY: Many wives write you about problems with their husbands who drink too much. If they live in a community property state, there's something important they need to know. If the husband drives drunk and causes an injury, both the wife and husband may be named as co-defendants -- even if the wife wasn't involved. And if the injured party is successful in the lawsuit, the co-defendants together must pay.

Wives who tolerate their husband's refusal to stop drinking need to be aware of the economic hammer the law could have hanging over them. I just went through this experience. Had I known the law in our community property state would lump me in, I would have had a powerful reason to divorce my husband years ago after I realized he would never give up drinking. -- GETTING THE WORD OUT IN PHOENIX

DEAR GETTING: Thank you for teaching me and my readers something. If someone has a spouse of either sex with an alcohol problem who gets behind the wheel of a car, for their own protection, they should consult their lawyer and their insurance agent about what the ramifications could lead to.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore in high school, and I'm in love with a senior. I met him a year ago when we had some classes together. We liked each other, but because of our age difference, we never dated.

I thought I would get over him over the summer, but I didn't. We don't see each other at all this year, and I'm almost sure he's moved on. I feel like I need to move on, too, but deep down I really don't want to. I'm worried I'll never find someone I like as much as him. Help me get on with my life. -- TOTALLY STUCK IN MONTANA

DEAR STUCK: A way to move forward would be to give yourself less time to think about him. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied with your studies. If you can get into new activities, do it. Not only will they distract you, but they will also give you the opportunity to learn something new as well as make more friends and perhaps meet someone equally special.

That said, do not expect to banish him completely from your heart. If he was your first love, he may always occupy a tiny portion of the real estate there.

DEAR ABBY: This has been happening for years, and I would like your advice, please. I like my meat well done. But whenever I order a steak that way, someone at the table invariably has to comment that I am ruining the texture, killing the taste, etc. Red or rare meat disgusts me. If I see blood on my plate, I can eat only the well-done parts around the edges. Is there a nice way of telling other people to mind their own business and let me order my food the way I want it? -- STILL MOVING ON MY PLATE

DEAR STILL MOVING: Sure there is. All you have to do is smile and say, "That's my preference. This is the way I like it." Then chow down and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: Our youngest son recently married a woman who has an 18-year-old disabled daughter, "Lauren." The girl's mental level is between that of a 2- and 4-year-old. There have been physical confrontations between my new daughter-in-law and her disabled daughter, which are becoming more frequent now that they all live together. Our daughter-in-law refuses to pursue facilities for Lauren, saying she is waiting for her to be transitioned into a group home and feels much guilt in doing so.

Lauren is currently in a day program, which doesn't seem to be helping her. She has definite behavioral issues and has been put on a higher level of meds that haven't helped. Psychologists, counselors and school staff are noncommittal about offering any help and haven't advised on how to address this.

My concern is, my son and his wife now have a 6-month-old son, and I worry about the baby in this home environment. Our son loves his wife and thought he could handle the challenges that come with living with Lauren. He now says he thinks it is best to end the marriage, but he's uncomfortable about giving an ultimatum to his wife. He has a high-pressure job, and his new home environment is taking a toll on him, physically and mentally. Any advice for him is appreciated. -- MOM ON THE SIDELINES

DEAR MOM: I appreciate your concern for the well-being of your son, but if you are smart, you will remain supportively on the sidelines and not insert yourself into this sensitive situation. If your son feels so pressured he's considering ending his marriage, he should be telling his wife about it and not his mother.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 31-year-old waitress and proud atheist. I'm one of the least judgmental people I know. Who other people love, or how they choose to worship isn't important to me.

I have a regular customer who comes in to the restaurant about twice a month. He's a pastor and one of the nicest guys I think I've ever met. He'll often bring along people from his congregation and buy them dinner. He counsels new families and tries to teach them the ways of the world. He counsels angry teenagers, and they listen to him. I have tremendous respect for him.

The problem is, every time he comes in, he tries to get me to come to his church. It's sometimes an hourlong conversation. At first I was polite about it and just said no thank you. Recently it reached the point where I said firmly, "I don't need your church." Abby, he still persists!

I don't know what to do anymore. I wouldn't feel right kicking him out of the restaurant. Is there a middle ground? -- NONBELIEVER IN GEORGIA

DEAR NONBELIEVER: The pastor may be an evangelical, who feels that it is his duty to "spread the word." The middle ground, since he seems unable to accept your polite refusals, is to have another waitress serve him instead of you, if that's possible. If not, ask your manager for guidance.

DEAR ABBY: I gave birth to my daughter three months ago, after 44 grueling hours of labor. My mother, assuming I would want her in the delivery room, booked her flight, flew across the country and stayed at my house without asking when I'd like her to come to help me.

During her stay, she made comments about how she had flown 2,000 miles to "dog-sit" for me, that she knew she wasn't wanted, and had she known my daughter wasn't going to come on time (I was induced), she wouldn't have "wasted her vacation" to fly in early. The entire visit was miserable.

Without consulting my husband and me, she has now booked a flight to come and stay with us for Christmas. Christmas is my favorite holiday, and I'm dreading the thought of her being here and worried this visit will be just as awful as the last. I'd like my daughter's first Christmas to be a happy occasion.

I asked my mother to change her flights and come in after the holiday, only to be met with the accusation "you're being selfish" from her and my stepfather. How do I tell them that I don't want them here for Christmas while minimizing hurt feelings? -- PUSHED TOO FAR IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUSHED: It appears you not only have a pushy mother, but also one who has no filter. When she made the comments she did when she came to "help" after the delivery, did you tell her how offended you were? Or were you so weak from the struggle to give life that you wilted? If you didn't tell her how you felt, you have a communication problem.

Give your mother one more chance. Welcome her and your stepfather at Christmas and, if she makes a demeaning or unkind comment, call her on it! And when you do, tell her that in the future you and your husband prefer to invite your houseguests rather than have them descend upon you.

DEAR ABBY: Because my husband and I are reaching advanced years, we know we will soon have to downsize to a senior living facility. In anticipation, we have begun distributing keepsakes we have accumulated over the years. Many were gifts with special meaning. Some are heirlooms that have been passed down from previous generations.

When I helped my son with his garage sale recently, I was shocked to discover several of the keepsakes on display. I didn't know how to react, but I did speak to him about it. Apparently, he doesn't value them! How should I handle future distribution of keepsakes, as there are more of them, some of which I had intended for him and his family? Apparently, his wife and son also have no interest in them. -- SENTIMENTAL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: You now have two choices. You can either give the items as gifts to other family members, after first ensuring that they will be appreciated and treasured, or sell them and use the money to cover any expenses that may come up in the future.

P.S. If they have historical value, consider donating them to a museum or your state historical society.