life

Slipping Grades Make Teen Question Planned Career Path

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 1st, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and don't know what I want to do with my life. When I was younger, I was sure I wanted to go into the field of law. It was something my parents also wanted me to do.

I go to a very rigorous high school that's known for being challenging, and haven't been doing well grade-wise since I started. I used to be a straight-A student but have been getting B's and C's lately. This year in particular has been difficult because my parents are getting divorced.

I'm not sure if I want to be a lawyer anymore or even continue my education after college. When I talked with my parents about it, they got very mad and insisted I finish my education, become a lawyer and get a job. They don't want to give me any other option. Can you give me some suggestions about how I can not be so confused anymore? -- CONFUSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CONFUSED: This is something you should discuss with a counselor at your school. While I concur with your parents that it is important to complete your education, there are other ways to do it rather than become a lawyer. I say this because in some states there is a glut of law school graduates who, after all their effort and accrued student loan debt, cannot find jobs because there are no openings available for them.

TeensWork & School
life

Drop-In Visitors Get Cold Shoulder

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 1st, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I live in a mid-sized town in the South. I need advice on how to politely tell people that I don't like drop-in company.

I work a stressful job. When I get home, I like to put on my old, comfortable clothes, curl up with a book or watch TV with my companion dog and be left alone. I'm not trying to be rude, but I think it is rude for people to drop in unannounced.

A few years ago, I had a life-threatening illness, and I am still getting my stamina back to full strength. I need downtime to recharge so I can handle the stresses of my job. However, I am apparently perceived in this Southern community as unfriendly. How do I put out the "NOT Welcome" mat while at the same time not alienating my community? -- LACKS SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY

DEAR LACKS: Honesty is the best policy. If apologies are due, express them. Explain to these nice people that you don't mean to appear unfriendly, and you would like to be social, but your job is stressful and takes a lot out of you, and the reason you can't entertain or socialize is you don't have the stamina. If they are offended after that, the problem is theirs.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & NeighborsHealth & SafetyWork & School
life

Family May Disapprove of Woman's Interest in Widower

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 1st, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been separated from my husband for nine years and have no interest in getting back together with him. There's a guy who I believe is interested in me. He was married to my first cousin for nearly 40 years, until she passed away a little over a year ago. He's a really nice person, but I'm not sure I should (or even could) date him because he was married to my cousin. Is this OK or not? I could use some advice! -- CAUTIOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR CAUTIOUS: If you were single, I would tell you it's fine -- go for it. But you're not single, which could cause disapproval within the family.

Love & DatingMarriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Mother Thinks Teen Is Missing out by Dating Over the Phone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who has been in a long-distance relationship for two years. We're still in high school and actively involved in sports and extracurricular activities. During the fall months I cheer, and in the winter months he plays basketball. Our schedules only really allow for texting and FaceTiming rather than going out.

Although our time is spent communicating on the phone, I feel we have a strong connection, and I am devoted to him. However, my mom is concerned "because I'm not dating and taking advantage of opportunities that could come with dating someone closer." She criticizes him nonstop and thinks he's making excuses and avoiding a commitment. She'd like to see me going out and having fun with someone like most girls my age do.

I don't think he's making excuses, and I don't feel as though I'm missing out on any opportunities. This disagreement is causing an issue between my mom and me. I feel that he's The One, but Mom is finding it challenging to accept this. I would love to hear your advice. -- FAR, BUT CLOSE, IN MICHIGAN

DEAR F. BUT C.: You may feel that this young man is "The One," but your mother has a point. Please listen to her. Rather than sit home every night because you are devoted only to him, you should socialize and develop non-romantic relationships. It wouldn't be betraying him. Most young people go out in groups, and that's what you should be doing. This may be what your mother is trying to convey rather than saying he isn't The One.

Also, you and this young man have years of education to complete before you'll be in a position to formalize your relationship. While you are doing that, both of you will meet new people and be offered opportunities that may broaden your horizons. Think about it.

Love & DatingTeens
life

Man Volunteers for Holiday Hours Instead of Celebrating With Wife's Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: For the past two years, my husband, "Dennis," has worked Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. He's in a business where he doesn't have to be the only one to work these holidays. He volunteers to do it because of the tips and holiday pay. When I walked into the office today, I saw a note he had written to his boss asking to work both holidays again.

Years ago when my father was alive, he hosted Christmas Eve for our family. Then the tradition was handed down to me, and I proudly hosted them. Now that Dennis and I are together, our place is too small, so I asked my son to do it and he gladly agreed.

My problem is, I will have to go to my son's alone again for Christmas Eve, and my son and daughter-in-law feel insulted because Dennis won't come for the holidays. How do I deal with this? -- HUSBANDLESS FOR THE HOLIDAYS, AGAIN

DEAR HUSBANDLESS: It appears you and Dennis have been married only a short time. Was he like this when you were dating? If the answer is no, it's time to ask him if he intends to continue working holidays indefinitely. And when you do, let him know that his refusal to spend family time with your son and daughter-in-law hurts their feelings as well as yours.

If that doesn't convince him to compromise, you will have to explain to your son and his wife that Dennis prefers to work rather than attend holiday celebrations and to please not take it personally because it's not personal.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Mother-in-Law Pleads for More Modesty While Breastfeeding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law insists on not covering my granddaughter while she's breastfeeding in public and allows the baby to nurse with her breast partially exposed (although the nipple is not visible). I'm concerned this may have affected my son's employment because she did it at a company-sponsored event, and he was let go a month afterward. His employers told him he "wasn't fitting in."

How can I get across to her that although the public breastfeeding movement is growing, it still isn't acceptable everywhere, and she should exercise her judgment based on the situation? -- DISCREET IN THE EAST

DEAR DISCREET: You are correct that breastfeeding in public is gaining acceptance. There is nothing wrong with it. While you might mention your concerns to her, allow me to point out that there may have been other reasons your son was let go from his job. And one of them may have been that, indeed, he -- not she -- didn't fit in.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & EthicsWork & School
life

'Cute' Doesn't Cut It for Younger Sister of 'Beautiful' Girl

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with my older sister, and so far, things have been great. I have met all her friends, and we have hit it off quite well.

When I meet her guy friends, they always comment on how beautiful she is and how they really like her. But then they'll add a little side note about how "cute" I am. I don't like being called cute while they call her beautiful. Am I crazy to be mad over this? Should I bring it up with her or let it all blow over? -- CUTE SISTER

DEAR CUTE SISTER: There's nothing your sister can do to muzzle her male friends who probably think they're paying you a compliment. I can't see anything to be gained by bringing this to her attention because she's blameless.

Because you feel you are being damned with faint praise, being told you are cute while they describe her as beautiful, the thing to do would be to tell them "humorously" they need to work on some new material.

Family & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
life

Wife Is Embarrassed to Send Thank-You Cards a Year After Her Wedding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married a year ago. I personally designed and filled out the invitations and thank-you cards. About two months after our wedding, I asked my husband to mail the thank-you cards for me.

Today, I went into a seldom-used closet and discovered a box containing all of the unsent cards! I'm embarrassed to mail them out since they are a year late, but at the same time, I put a lot of time and effort into those cards. Should I send them now? And if so, how can I apologize for their tardiness since they are already sealed and stamped? -- NEWLYWED-ISH IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR NEWLYWED-ISH: It is never too late to say thank you. Put the thank-yous in the mail, send a group email to those guests whose email addresses you have and call the remaining ones to explain what happened and apologize. These things sometimes happen, and if your friends and relatives are nice people, they will graciously accept your apology.

Etiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations

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