life

Mother Thinks Teen Is Missing out by Dating Over the Phone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who has been in a long-distance relationship for two years. We're still in high school and actively involved in sports and extracurricular activities. During the fall months I cheer, and in the winter months he plays basketball. Our schedules only really allow for texting and FaceTiming rather than going out.

Although our time is spent communicating on the phone, I feel we have a strong connection, and I am devoted to him. However, my mom is concerned "because I'm not dating and taking advantage of opportunities that could come with dating someone closer." She criticizes him nonstop and thinks he's making excuses and avoiding a commitment. She'd like to see me going out and having fun with someone like most girls my age do.

I don't think he's making excuses, and I don't feel as though I'm missing out on any opportunities. This disagreement is causing an issue between my mom and me. I feel that he's The One, but Mom is finding it challenging to accept this. I would love to hear your advice. -- FAR, BUT CLOSE, IN MICHIGAN

DEAR F. BUT C.: You may feel that this young man is "The One," but your mother has a point. Please listen to her. Rather than sit home every night because you are devoted only to him, you should socialize and develop non-romantic relationships. It wouldn't be betraying him. Most young people go out in groups, and that's what you should be doing. This may be what your mother is trying to convey rather than saying he isn't The One.

Also, you and this young man have years of education to complete before you'll be in a position to formalize your relationship. While you are doing that, both of you will meet new people and be offered opportunities that may broaden your horizons. Think about it.

TeensLove & Dating
life

Man Volunteers for Holiday Hours Instead of Celebrating With Wife's Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: For the past two years, my husband, "Dennis," has worked Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. He's in a business where he doesn't have to be the only one to work these holidays. He volunteers to do it because of the tips and holiday pay. When I walked into the office today, I saw a note he had written to his boss asking to work both holidays again.

Years ago when my father was alive, he hosted Christmas Eve for our family. Then the tradition was handed down to me, and I proudly hosted them. Now that Dennis and I are together, our place is too small, so I asked my son to do it and he gladly agreed.

My problem is, I will have to go to my son's alone again for Christmas Eve, and my son and daughter-in-law feel insulted because Dennis won't come for the holidays. How do I deal with this? -- HUSBANDLESS FOR THE HOLIDAYS, AGAIN

DEAR HUSBANDLESS: It appears you and Dennis have been married only a short time. Was he like this when you were dating? If the answer is no, it's time to ask him if he intends to continue working holidays indefinitely. And when you do, let him know that his refusal to spend family time with your son and daughter-in-law hurts their feelings as well as yours.

If that doesn't convince him to compromise, you will have to explain to your son and his wife that Dennis prefers to work rather than attend holiday celebrations and to please not take it personally because it's not personal.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & ParentingHolidays & Celebrations
life

Mother-in-Law Pleads for More Modesty While Breastfeeding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law insists on not covering my granddaughter while she's breastfeeding in public and allows the baby to nurse with her breast partially exposed (although the nipple is not visible). I'm concerned this may have affected my son's employment because she did it at a company-sponsored event, and he was let go a month afterward. His employers told him he "wasn't fitting in."

How can I get across to her that although the public breastfeeding movement is growing, it still isn't acceptable everywhere, and she should exercise her judgment based on the situation? -- DISCREET IN THE EAST

DEAR DISCREET: You are correct that breastfeeding in public is gaining acceptance. There is nothing wrong with it. While you might mention your concerns to her, allow me to point out that there may have been other reasons your son was let go from his job. And one of them may have been that, indeed, he -- not she -- didn't fit in.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

'Cute' Doesn't Cut It for Younger Sister of 'Beautiful' Girl

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with my older sister, and so far, things have been great. I have met all her friends, and we have hit it off quite well.

When I meet her guy friends, they always comment on how beautiful she is and how they really like her. But then they'll add a little side note about how "cute" I am. I don't like being called cute while they call her beautiful. Am I crazy to be mad over this? Should I bring it up with her or let it all blow over? -- CUTE SISTER

DEAR CUTE SISTER: There's nothing your sister can do to muzzle her male friends who probably think they're paying you a compliment. I can't see anything to be gained by bringing this to her attention because she's blameless.

Because you feel you are being damned with faint praise, being told you are cute while they describe her as beautiful, the thing to do would be to tell them "humorously" they need to work on some new material.

Friends & NeighborsFamily & Parenting
life

Wife Is Embarrassed to Send Thank-You Cards a Year After Her Wedding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married a year ago. I personally designed and filled out the invitations and thank-you cards. About two months after our wedding, I asked my husband to mail the thank-you cards for me.

Today, I went into a seldom-used closet and discovered a box containing all of the unsent cards! I'm embarrassed to mail them out since they are a year late, but at the same time, I put a lot of time and effort into those cards. Should I send them now? And if so, how can I apologize for their tardiness since they are already sealed and stamped? -- NEWLYWED-ISH IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR NEWLYWED-ISH: It is never too late to say thank you. Put the thank-yous in the mail, send a group email to those guests whose email addresses you have and call the remaining ones to explain what happened and apologize. These things sometimes happen, and if your friends and relatives are nice people, they will graciously accept your apology.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Mom Stays Close to Married Son Through a Tracking App

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 28th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for five years. We live in the same town as my in-laws, and for the most part, we get along great. However, my mother-in-law does something that makes me uneasy. She uses an app to track my husband. She pressured him into installing it right before our wedding and has tracked him ever since.

She'll often text or call him to ask why he's going to the store, or what he was doing when he was late to work, etc. Once he tried to remove the app, but she quickly noticed and confronted him. Abby, I have never seen her so angry! My husband caved and reinstalled it. Since then, he says it doesn't really bother him that she tracks him.

Part of me feels that if he wants to let his mother track him, that's his business. But another part of me feels this is an invasion of my privacy as well, since we are together much of the time. It also worries me that he's so quick to cave to his mother's demands, and that he isn't bothered by such an obvious invasion of privacy.

Am I wrong to be upset about this? What can I do to get my mother-in-law to give us some privacy? -- UNEASY IN KANSAS

DEAR UNEASY: You're not wrong. Your husband should revoke the location permission on the app on his phone or delete it altogether.

What his mother is doing is sick. She is using the tracker as a substitute for the umbilical cord that should have been severed when her son was born. It's a huge invasion of your and your husband's privacy.

He is so used to caving in to his mother that he doesn't have the strength to assert himself. I do not think you should take your mother-in-law on by yourself. Enlist the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist for suggestions about how to create some separation, because that process may be somewhat complicated.

Family & Parenting
life

Man's Sex Fantasy Puts Relationship on Shaky Ground

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 28th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My relationship with my boyfriend has been wonderful, except for one issue. He wants us to have a three-way with another woman. Even after I let him know I'm not bisexual, he has suggested it multiple times. Some of my previous partners have suggested this as well, and it has left me feeling as though I will never be enough. I consider it cheating, although they might disagree because I would be involved.

I find this extremely hurtful. I love my boyfriend and don't want to end the relationship, but I'm afraid I must because I don't want to be with someone I can never satisfy (he has mentioned he plans to propose).

What do you think? I wish he had never asked me to do this because it feels horrible. If any male readers have insight, I'd love to hear from them as well. -- NOT ENOUGH

DEAR NOT ENOUGH: What your boyfriend has suggested is a common male fantasy. I can only wonder if he would react the same way you have if you suggested a threesome with him and another man.

Because this isn't your cup of tea, you are right to have refused. What concerns me is what you think is going to happen if the two of you should marry, because this issue will not go away once the "I do's" are over. As you requested, I will let male readers weigh in on this one, but personally, I think the time has come to resume your search for Mr. Right.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating

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