life

Mother-in-Law Pleads for More Modesty While Breastfeeding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law insists on not covering my granddaughter while she's breastfeeding in public and allows the baby to nurse with her breast partially exposed (although the nipple is not visible). I'm concerned this may have affected my son's employment because she did it at a company-sponsored event, and he was let go a month afterward. His employers told him he "wasn't fitting in."

How can I get across to her that although the public breastfeeding movement is growing, it still isn't acceptable everywhere, and she should exercise her judgment based on the situation? -- DISCREET IN THE EAST

DEAR DISCREET: You are correct that breastfeeding in public is gaining acceptance. There is nothing wrong with it. While you might mention your concerns to her, allow me to point out that there may have been other reasons your son was let go from his job. And one of them may have been that, indeed, he -- not she -- didn't fit in.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

'Cute' Doesn't Cut It for Younger Sister of 'Beautiful' Girl

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with my older sister, and so far, things have been great. I have met all her friends, and we have hit it off quite well.

When I meet her guy friends, they always comment on how beautiful she is and how they really like her. But then they'll add a little side note about how "cute" I am. I don't like being called cute while they call her beautiful. Am I crazy to be mad over this? Should I bring it up with her or let it all blow over? -- CUTE SISTER

DEAR CUTE SISTER: There's nothing your sister can do to muzzle her male friends who probably think they're paying you a compliment. I can't see anything to be gained by bringing this to her attention because she's blameless.

Because you feel you are being damned with faint praise, being told you are cute while they describe her as beautiful, the thing to do would be to tell them "humorously" they need to work on some new material.

Friends & NeighborsFamily & Parenting
life

Wife Is Embarrassed to Send Thank-You Cards a Year After Her Wedding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married a year ago. I personally designed and filled out the invitations and thank-you cards. About two months after our wedding, I asked my husband to mail the thank-you cards for me.

Today, I went into a seldom-used closet and discovered a box containing all of the unsent cards! I'm embarrassed to mail them out since they are a year late, but at the same time, I put a lot of time and effort into those cards. Should I send them now? And if so, how can I apologize for their tardiness since they are already sealed and stamped? -- NEWLYWED-ISH IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR NEWLYWED-ISH: It is never too late to say thank you. Put the thank-yous in the mail, send a group email to those guests whose email addresses you have and call the remaining ones to explain what happened and apologize. These things sometimes happen, and if your friends and relatives are nice people, they will graciously accept your apology.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Mom Stays Close to Married Son Through a Tracking App

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 28th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for five years. We live in the same town as my in-laws, and for the most part, we get along great. However, my mother-in-law does something that makes me uneasy. She uses an app to track my husband. She pressured him into installing it right before our wedding and has tracked him ever since.

She'll often text or call him to ask why he's going to the store, or what he was doing when he was late to work, etc. Once he tried to remove the app, but she quickly noticed and confronted him. Abby, I have never seen her so angry! My husband caved and reinstalled it. Since then, he says it doesn't really bother him that she tracks him.

Part of me feels that if he wants to let his mother track him, that's his business. But another part of me feels this is an invasion of my privacy as well, since we are together much of the time. It also worries me that he's so quick to cave to his mother's demands, and that he isn't bothered by such an obvious invasion of privacy.

Am I wrong to be upset about this? What can I do to get my mother-in-law to give us some privacy? -- UNEASY IN KANSAS

DEAR UNEASY: You're not wrong. Your husband should revoke the location permission on the app on his phone or delete it altogether.

What his mother is doing is sick. She is using the tracker as a substitute for the umbilical cord that should have been severed when her son was born. It's a huge invasion of your and your husband's privacy.

He is so used to caving in to his mother that he doesn't have the strength to assert himself. I do not think you should take your mother-in-law on by yourself. Enlist the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist for suggestions about how to create some separation, because that process may be somewhat complicated.

Family & Parenting
life

Man's Sex Fantasy Puts Relationship on Shaky Ground

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 28th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My relationship with my boyfriend has been wonderful, except for one issue. He wants us to have a three-way with another woman. Even after I let him know I'm not bisexual, he has suggested it multiple times. Some of my previous partners have suggested this as well, and it has left me feeling as though I will never be enough. I consider it cheating, although they might disagree because I would be involved.

I find this extremely hurtful. I love my boyfriend and don't want to end the relationship, but I'm afraid I must because I don't want to be with someone I can never satisfy (he has mentioned he plans to propose).

What do you think? I wish he had never asked me to do this because it feels horrible. If any male readers have insight, I'd love to hear from them as well. -- NOT ENOUGH

DEAR NOT ENOUGH: What your boyfriend has suggested is a common male fantasy. I can only wonder if he would react the same way you have if you suggested a threesome with him and another man.

Because this isn't your cup of tea, you are right to have refused. What concerns me is what you think is going to happen if the two of you should marry, because this issue will not go away once the "I do's" are over. As you requested, I will let male readers weigh in on this one, but personally, I think the time has come to resume your search for Mr. Right.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Adult Children Fail to Warm to Stepdad of Eight Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 27th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was married for 19 years and have three adult daughters from that marriage. I remarried eight years ago to a woman who has two adult children. My relationship with them is not good, in spite of my efforts to engage them in basic conversation. She told me recently that neither one of them likes me. In fact, she has suggested I just say hello and goodbye and leave it at that.

I'm not sure what I am supposed to do with this information. I don't think at this point in my life (age 66) I'm interested in changing myself to coax anybody to like me. I'm irritated with my wife for telling me her kids don't like me. If any of my daughters said, "I don't like your wife," I wouldn't mention it to her because I know she wouldn't want to go with me to visit them. My desire to visit either of her kids is now nonexistent. Your thoughts? -- UNLIKED IN OHIO

DEAR UNLIKED: I think it is interesting that your wife didn't tell you WHY her children don't like you, or if she did, that you didn't elaborate. Under the circumstances, your reaction is understandable, so stay home and enjoy yourself while your wife visits them. If you do, I suspect you will all be happier.

Family & Parenting
life

Anniversary Getaway Is Marred by Souvenir

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 27th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and went away for a long weekend. Late in the second day, my wife said, "Don't get mad at me, but a guy who works for me asked me to bring him a souvenir." Then she told me she didn't want to get me involved.

My question is, why wouldn't she mention it at the start of the trip and instead bring it up two days into our getaway? It makes me feel like she was thinking of him on our anniversary. Am I reading too much into this, or should I be concerned? By the way, I wouldn't think of another woman -- co-worker or not -- during a getaway with my wife. -- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: Please stop worrying. If you and your bride have had a happy marriage for 30 years, I'm guessing that on your special day, she was thinking about how lucky the two of you are to have had three blessed decades together. If she had anything to hide, she wouldn't have mentioned the souvenir. I'm guessing she brought it up because she didn't want to forget she had agreed to bring something and come home empty-handed.

Work & SchoolHolidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
life

Boyfriend Dwells Between Telling Lies and Telling the Truth

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 27th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 12 years worries me. He's a man who wants life to be like he wants it to be, not like it is. He thinks everyone owes him a discount on whatever he's buying. He can talk for what seems like a month, and while he never really lies, he never exactly tells the truth. This puts a huge strain on our relationship.

I love him, but I don't trust him. I have caught him in many discrepancies. When confronted, he sometimes will own up to them. What should I do? -- NERVOUS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NERVOUS: I think in your heart you already know what you should do. If you can't trust someone, there is no basis for a meaningful relationship. I wish you had written me about this 11 1/2 years ago, when ending the romance would have been less painful.

Love & Dating

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