DEAR ABBY: The 14-year-old son of a friend of mine is having self-esteem issues and apparently is going through a very rough patch. Our family likes to participate in charity races. My boy, 13, is a talented athlete who, according to my friend, is an "overachiever."

My friend signed her family up for the same race as our family, then called me afterward to tell me she was having anxiety issues about us being there and asked me to forgo the race. (We had already paid for four registrations.) She said she could see my child taking off, winning the race and boasting to the point where her child would feel like a loser and have more self-esteem issues.

Abby, although our children hung out together when they were toddlers, they haven't in years. I tried to be sympathetic, but told her we had been planning to compete in this race as a family for some time, and I didn't think it would be right to pull my child out of something he loves to do. She got very upset, said some horrible things to me and ended our friendship. Was I wrong not to agree to do as she asked for the sake of her child? -- ROUGH PATCH IN THE WEST

DEAR ROUGH PATCH: I don't think you were wrong. While I sympathize with your former friend, what she suggested was not helpful for her child, who might benefit more from some sessions with a therapist than a helicopter mom trying to cushion life for him.

However, if there's any truth to your friend's inference that your son is not a gracious winner, monitor his behavior to make sure he doesn't come across as a braggart. If you do, you'll be doing him a favor.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, I met a guy I'll call "Jordan" at a college summer program and fell head over heels in love with him. But the program lasted only five weeks, and we lived hours apart. We decided from the beginning that we wouldn't attempt a long-distance relationship and would simply enjoy the time we had together.

That fall, my senior year, I visited Boston to look at colleges. I had made plans to see him, but he blew me off. Because I never got closure, I was not able to let him go emotionally.

During my sophomore year of college, Jordan contacted me and asked if we could meet. I refused because I had just met someone else, and didn't want to jeopardize my new relationship. I was with that guy for five years and almost married him. (Our breakup had nothing to do with Jordan.)

It is nearly a decade later, and I have met someone I could fall in love with. But it seems that I'm still not completely over Jordan. Should I reach out to him and try to get the closure I need? -- LEFT HANGING ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR LEFT HANGING: Yes. After all these years, it's time. And when you do, tell him the greatest gift he could give you would be the gift of closure. If he's a gentleman, he will agree. And when you get it, move forward and don't look back.

DEAR ABBY: It seems the children I raised and taught to write thank-you notes somehow failed to teach their children the importance of being grateful receivers. My two teenage grandchildren have never thanked me for a birthday or Christmas gift. I gave one of them a set of personalized notepaper, but it didn't spur any action.

Birthdays have come and gone this year, but Christmas is on the way. I'm wondering what I can do to reach these young people in a meaningful manner. I'm older now and don't know how much longer I'll be around to influence them. I recall you had a booklet that addresses writing thank-you notes, among other subjects. Do you still have it available? -- LOVING GRAN IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR LOVING GRAN: Yes, my "How to Write Letters" booklet is still available. And it's because the topic of thank-you notes (or the lack of them) is one of the most common complaints I get from readers. If someone sends a gift or a check and it isn't acknowledged, the message the giver receives is that it wasn't appreciated, which is insulting and hurtful.

One of the main reasons people don't send thank-you notes is they don't know what to say, or they are afraid they will say the wrong thing. They think the note has to be long and flowery when, in fact, short and to the point is more effective.

That's the reason "How to Write Letters" was written. It contains samples of thank-you letters for birthday gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts, as well as those that arrive around holiday time. It also includes letters of congratulations and ones that are especially difficult to write -- including letters of condolence for the loss of a parent, a spouse or a child. It can be ordered by sending your name, mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.) It can be used to tailor your own messages. With the holiday season approaching and people sending gifts and messages through the end of the year, this is the perfect time to be able to reply with a handwritten letter, note or well-written email.

Because composition of letters and notes is not always effectively taught in the schools, my booklet can provide an easy way for parents to teach their children proper etiquette -- a valuable lesson that will last them a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: Most of my friends are guys, and people tend to assume that I have slept with them or that we have dated, but it's not true. How do I answer when someone asks, "Is this your boyfriend?" or, "Have you guys dated?" without coming off as offended when I answer? -- NOT THE CASE

DEAR NOT THE CASE: All you have to do is smile and say, "We're not involved romantically. We're friends."

DEAR ABBY: I am ashamed to admit this, but years ago I had an affair with a married man. His wife had no idea, but all of his friends knew about it. She recently left him because she met someone else, and he's not only bad-mouthing her, but also using it against her in their divorce.

Would it be wrong of me to help her by letting her know he was a big cheater? I don't want to cause her any more hurt than she's already experiencing. I no longer have any interest in him, but I think the information might help her. I genuinely feel for her. -- KARMA OUT EAST

DEAR KARMA: I genuinely feel for her, too. By all means volunteer the information. And when you do, do NOT do it anonymously because if you do, her almost-ex can claim the information isn't credible.

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays approaching, I want to share with you the solution to a holiday problem. When our kids grew up and started their own families, I had read many letters from young couples caught in the middle of a battle over where to spend Christmas. So I decided to start a new family tradition. We celebrated Christmas at Thanksgiving. We put up the tree and had all the family presents wrapped and ready to exchange underneath.

It was a win-win! We got to share Christmas with family, watch our grandkids open their presents and enjoyed the holiday turkey with all the trimmings. The grandkids got two Christmases, and our kids enjoyed a guilt-free Christmas with their in-laws.

As for us -- we spent Christmas with other people who, for whatever reason, couldn't spend it with family. It worked for years, and my children now continue the tradition. -- HAPPY HOLIDAYS WITHOUT CONFLICT

DEAR H.H.: You came up with an excellent solution. Thinking outside the box is a trait that can be extremely helpful in ensuring the success of the holiday celebrations.

For many reasons, not everyone celebrates the holidays on their designated calendar days, and that includes Thanksgiving. If more families took a page out of your book, it could eliminate much of the holiday stress regular readers of my column suffer. Thank you for taking the time to write.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy going to movies, especially to the theater in town where I can reserve my seat ahead of time. I recently reserved my seat two days in advance to a movie I had been wanting to see. When I arrived at the theater, a woman was sitting in my seat. I politely pointed out to her that she was in my seat, and she glared at me and said rudely, "Really?"

Granted, the row was empty at the time, but it was still early. I knew more people would show up, and I didn't want to take someone else's seat. So I replied, "Yes, really. I reserved this seat days ago." Was I right asking her to move? More people did show up, and the theater was full. -- MY SEAT IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR MY SEAT: Yes, you were right. And if the woman had refused to move, you should have asked an usher to "clarify" your seat assignment for her and ensure she complied.