DEAR ABBY: It seems the children I raised and taught to write thank-you notes somehow failed to teach their children the importance of being grateful receivers. My two teenage grandchildren have never thanked me for a birthday or Christmas gift. I gave one of them a set of personalized notepaper, but it didn't spur any action.

Birthdays have come and gone this year, but Christmas is on the way. I'm wondering what I can do to reach these young people in a meaningful manner. I'm older now and don't know how much longer I'll be around to influence them. I recall you had a booklet that addresses writing thank-you notes, among other subjects. Do you still have it available? -- LOVING GRAN IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR LOVING GRAN: Yes, my "How to Write Letters" booklet is still available. And it's because the topic of thank-you notes (or the lack of them) is one of the most common complaints I get from readers. If someone sends a gift or a check and it isn't acknowledged, the message the giver receives is that it wasn't appreciated, which is insulting and hurtful.

One of the main reasons people don't send thank-you notes is they don't know what to say, or they are afraid they will say the wrong thing. They think the note has to be long and flowery when, in fact, short and to the point is more effective.

That's the reason "How to Write Letters" was written. It contains samples of thank-you letters for birthday gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts, as well as those that arrive around holiday time. It also includes letters of congratulations and ones that are especially difficult to write -- including letters of condolence for the loss of a parent, a spouse or a child. It can be ordered by sending your name, mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.) It can be used to tailor your own messages. With the holiday season approaching and people sending gifts and messages through the end of the year, this is the perfect time to be able to reply with a handwritten letter, note or well-written email.

Because composition of letters and notes is not always effectively taught in the schools, my booklet can provide an easy way for parents to teach their children proper etiquette -- a valuable lesson that will last them a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: Most of my friends are guys, and people tend to assume that I have slept with them or that we have dated, but it's not true. How do I answer when someone asks, "Is this your boyfriend?" or, "Have you guys dated?" without coming off as offended when I answer? -- NOT THE CASE

DEAR NOT THE CASE: All you have to do is smile and say, "We're not involved romantically. We're friends."

DEAR ABBY: I am ashamed to admit this, but years ago I had an affair with a married man. His wife had no idea, but all of his friends knew about it. She recently left him because she met someone else, and he's not only bad-mouthing her, but also using it against her in their divorce.

Would it be wrong of me to help her by letting her know he was a big cheater? I don't want to cause her any more hurt than she's already experiencing. I no longer have any interest in him, but I think the information might help her. I genuinely feel for her. -- KARMA OUT EAST

DEAR KARMA: I genuinely feel for her, too. By all means volunteer the information. And when you do, do NOT do it anonymously because if you do, her almost-ex can claim the information isn't credible.

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays approaching, I want to share with you the solution to a holiday problem. When our kids grew up and started their own families, I had read many letters from young couples caught in the middle of a battle over where to spend Christmas. So I decided to start a new family tradition. We celebrated Christmas at Thanksgiving. We put up the tree and had all the family presents wrapped and ready to exchange underneath.

It was a win-win! We got to share Christmas with family, watch our grandkids open their presents and enjoyed the holiday turkey with all the trimmings. The grandkids got two Christmases, and our kids enjoyed a guilt-free Christmas with their in-laws.

As for us -- we spent Christmas with other people who, for whatever reason, couldn't spend it with family. It worked for years, and my children now continue the tradition. -- HAPPY HOLIDAYS WITHOUT CONFLICT

DEAR H.H.: You came up with an excellent solution. Thinking outside the box is a trait that can be extremely helpful in ensuring the success of the holiday celebrations.

For many reasons, not everyone celebrates the holidays on their designated calendar days, and that includes Thanksgiving. If more families took a page out of your book, it could eliminate much of the holiday stress regular readers of my column suffer. Thank you for taking the time to write.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy going to movies, especially to the theater in town where I can reserve my seat ahead of time. I recently reserved my seat two days in advance to a movie I had been wanting to see. When I arrived at the theater, a woman was sitting in my seat. I politely pointed out to her that she was in my seat, and she glared at me and said rudely, "Really?"

Granted, the row was empty at the time, but it was still early. I knew more people would show up, and I didn't want to take someone else's seat. So I replied, "Yes, really. I reserved this seat days ago." Was I right asking her to move? More people did show up, and the theater was full. -- MY SEAT IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR MY SEAT: Yes, you were right. And if the woman had refused to move, you should have asked an usher to "clarify" your seat assignment for her and ensure she complied.

DEAR ABBY: I had bariatric surgery (gastric sleeve) five months ago. I left my previous job because the way I was treated by my employer and co-workers changed drastically after my procedure.

I am starting a new job soon and do not want to tell my new employer or co-workers that I have had this operation. People always treat you differently once they know. I don't know anyone at the new job, and I prefer to keep this part of my life private.

My boyfriend thinks I should tell at least HR, in case any medical issues arise while at work because then they would be able to inform medical personnel. I don't think they need to know. What do you think, Abby? -- TREATED DIFFERENTLY

DEAR TREATED DIFFERENTLY: Your medical history is your own business. After five months you should have healed from your surgery. I'm not sure what kind of complications your boyfriend is worried about, but if you experience any, the time to report it to HR will be when they occur.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a young woman who, for years, went to my aunt and uncle's house for Thanksgiving. Every year, my aunt has made the turkey and the sides, and my uncle has done the cleanup. I appreciate their hosting every year, but I'd like to find a way to be able to help.

I have offered to clean, but my uncle insists I enjoy myself. I've brought dessert, but my aunt bakes a wonderful cake every year. I've tried to help in the kitchen, but she gently tells me to have fun. I've brought wine in previous years, but a family member struggles with drinking, so out of respect for him, I won't continue that.

I have had a lot of health issues over the years and lifelong disabilities, so it has taken me a long time to become independent. I now have my first full-time job. What's a way I could give to my family? -- THANKFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR THANKFUL: A way to do that would be to bring your hosts a lovely flowering plant when you arrive, or alternatively, send a lovely bouquet afterward with a note of thanks. And of course, you could also offer to take them out for a meal post-holiday.

DEAR ABBY: Our 9-year-old son makes perfect grades in school. His friends all have cellphones, and I believe he should get one also. My husband disagrees and thinks he should be a teenager first and learn more responsibility. With times changing so quickly and kids getting phones at 6 and 7 years old, am I wrong or is my husband old-fashioned in his approach? -- OLD-FASHIONED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Parents teach their children to be responsible by placing some responsibility on their shoulders. In the current landscape, it's a good idea for a child to have the ability to communicate with a parent in case of an emergency. You and your husband could give your son a flip phone so he can do that if necessary.