life

Notebook Stepson Left Behind Reveals Love for Another Man

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 7th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My stepson "Arnold" recently moved out, and I found a notebook he left behind that I thought I'd use. Inside was a journal entry he had made last year about someone he loved. The problem is, it's directed to another man.

I want to believe that's not true, but the writing and everything else checks out. I wish I had never seen it. We're a Christian family and have conservative views. Arnold never dated much, but we thought it was because he was so focused on his education. None of us would have ever expected this. There were no signs whatsoever.

I feel such a burden right now. I know why he wouldn't tell his parents. His dad would be devastated. I never keep anything from my husband, and I feel terrible not being able to share this. But I don't want to reveal what I saw if my stepson isn't ready. What should I do? Should I ask Arnold about it? How can I take this burden off my shoulders? -- STRESSED IN THE WEST

DEAR STRESSED: I am a firm believer in communication. Return the notebook to Arnold, and when you do, use it as an opportunity to open a conversation with him about it. I do not think you should unburden yourself to your husband. The person to "out" Arnold should be Arnold.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

Uncle Wants to Toe the Line on Showing Affection for Niece

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 7th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I reconnected with a guy from high school five months ago. We started hanging out and eventually decided to start dating. The first month or so was great, but right away he started becoming very possessive and jealous.

It has been four months, and he is constantly accusing me of being sneaky and cheating. Abby, all I do is work and go home. I don't have a social life anymore because he doesn't trust me to go anywhere alone. I can't even talk on the phone to one of my girlfriends without him asking me a million and one questions. My friends and family tell me I need to do what's best for me and leave him, but I'm not sure if I'm scared to leave him because I'll be alone, or if I'm just scared of him. -- ON THE EDGE IN OHIO

DEAR ON THE EDGE: Your "guy from high school" is doing his best to isolate you. This is one of the warning signs of an abuser. If you are afraid to leave him because you don't want to be alone, please consider how alone you are feeling right now.

If you are afraid he will hurt you, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 for suggestions on how to leave safely. If you need moral support when you deliver the message, have family members or several friends with you when you do it. Then block him from your social media and cellphone. And if he threatens you in any way, file a police report. The only thing you should NOT do is nothing.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & Ethics
life

Eating Leftovers Becomes Bone of Contention at Family Dinners

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 6th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have three teenagers -- 18, 16 and 14. My wife cooks for them every day or buys them fast food. I always eat leftovers, which the fridge is full of. Our children refuse to eat leftovers or cook for themselves, and they insist on having a freshly cooked meal every day.

Occasionally, my wife needs to work late and asks me to buy fast food for the children. I respond that I'll gladly cook for them or buy them fast food, but first they have to finish the leftovers in the fridge. My wife gets upset and accuses me of not caring about our children. Who is right? -- LEFTOVERS IN THE EAST

DEAR LEFTOVERS: I have a news flash for you. At the ages of 18, 16 and 14, your kids are no longer children; they are teenagers approaching adulthood. Rather than act like pushovers, you and your wife should be teaching them how to cook -- a skill they'll need if they are going to live healthy lives in the future.

Yes, they should finish the leftovers. Leftovers are usually better the second time around because the flavors have had more time to meld. No, they shouldn't be having fast food instead. If you and your wife care about your progeny, start assigning each of them an evening in which they prepare at least one dish, while you make sure they know how to do it. Stop arguing and start parenting!

Family & ParentingTeens
life

Broken Engagement Leaves Anger and Heartache in Its Wake

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 6th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My fiance dumped me three months ago. We were together 4 1/2 years and engaged for almost a year. He started dating someone else the day after he broke up with me. He said it was because we had nothing in common anymore, and he no longer liked talking to me or touching me. We were engaged! He waited all that time to decide he no longer loves me?

How do I deal with my heartbreak and build myself back up again? And why in the world would he be dating someone new a day later? I don't want him back. As far as I'm concerned, he's a jerk, and I'll be better off without him. I just want to know how to deal with the confusion I have. -- HEARTBROKEN AND CONFUSED

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Things don't always turn out the way we plan. I know you are hurting, and I am sorry. Start handling your heartbreak by being grateful you didn't devote even more time to a person who would treat you this way.

And to answer your question about how he could begin dating someone a day after he broke up with you, it's because he had his eye on her before ending the romance with you. If you think he has caught the brass ring this time around, think again. Few "frying pan into the fire" relationships are lasting ones. Consider this a new beginning and start living your life.

Love & Dating
life

It's Election Day

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 6th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

The question now that really vexes

Is where we're gonna place our "X"es

Voting, folks, should not upset ya --

Be glad we're livin' where they let ya!

Readers, please use your voices. Go out and vote today! -- ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Overbearing Dad Makes Living at Home Aggravating for Son

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 5th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 34-year-old man who lives with my father, who is 76 years old. I'm currently without a job, but when I have one, I buy food and whatever else is needed for the house. I believe I'm doing my fair share.

I love my father dearly, but I can't stand him as a person. He can be very rude and verbally abusive. He has told people we know very personal things about me. When we're visiting family, if I ask for something to eat or drink, he'll answer, "No! You don't need anything." (I can tell that the relatives are annoyed by him, too.)

Dad played a major role in ruining a relationship with a woman I was dating. I don't invite any of my new friends over because I know he'll have something sarcastic to say. He also accuses me of not doing any cleaning around the house, but he fails to notice that I have done it at night while he was asleep.

I rarely converse with him because we have nothing in common. He takes almost no interest in what I have to say, even when I tell him about something I saw on TV. He says, "Well, you shouldn't be watching that." I keep my mouth shut because I need a place to live, but day by day, more and more, my rage is building, and I want to tell him off. Help, please. -- LIVING WITH A TYRANT

DEAR LIVING: Do not tell him off. Although you may be living "rent-free," you are paying plenty for the "privilege" of staying under his roof. It appears your father resents having you there as much as you dislike being there. Do whatever you can to find a job. When you do, save every penny. And, for the sake of your self-respect, move out as quickly as possible so you can start living a normal life. You may need to find a roommate, but anything would be better than this.

Family & ParentingLove & DatingWork & SchoolMoneyAbuseFriends & Neighbors
life

Teen's Pursuit of Perfection Worries Her Grandparents

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 5th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I took our granddaughters, 16 and 13, on a two-week cruise to Europe this past summer. We had a wonderful time with them. To make a long story short, the 16-year-old, "Megan," confided to us that she's afraid of failing.

She's a straight-A student and a perfectionist when it comes to her classes. We want to make sure we use the correct words with her. These girls are precious to us, and we're very close. Megan sent us an emotional thank-you note for the trip, as did her sister. She seems to do all the right things. We just don't want her to put excessive pressure on herself.

We're almost 80, and they keep us young. Those girls rock our world. Could you tell us how to handle this? -- LOVING GRANDMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRANDMA: Tell Megan that you love her and she rocks your world. Then assure her your feelings about her will never change regardless of whether she succeeds or fails at whatever she does. Nobody wants to fail, but most successful people will tell you they learned more from their failures than they did from their successes. Tell her that worse than failure is being so afraid that she isn't willing to try. Then advise her to talk to her parents about her fears, or a counselor at school if she needs more help.

Family & ParentingWork & SchoolTeens

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