DEAR ABBY: I'm a 34-year-old man who lives with my father, who is 76 years old. I'm currently without a job, but when I have one, I buy food and whatever else is needed for the house. I believe I'm doing my fair share.

I love my father dearly, but I can't stand him as a person. He can be very rude and verbally abusive. He has told people we know very personal things about me. When we're visiting family, if I ask for something to eat or drink, he'll answer, "No! You don't need anything." (I can tell that the relatives are annoyed by him, too.)

Dad played a major role in ruining a relationship with a woman I was dating. I don't invite any of my new friends over because I know he'll have something sarcastic to say. He also accuses me of not doing any cleaning around the house, but he fails to notice that I have done it at night while he was asleep.

I rarely converse with him because we have nothing in common. He takes almost no interest in what I have to say, even when I tell him about something I saw on TV. He says, "Well, you shouldn't be watching that." I keep my mouth shut because I need a place to live, but day by day, more and more, my rage is building, and I want to tell him off. Help, please. -- LIVING WITH A TYRANT

DEAR LIVING: Do not tell him off. Although you may be living "rent-free," you are paying plenty for the "privilege" of staying under his roof. It appears your father resents having you there as much as you dislike being there. Do whatever you can to find a job. When you do, save every penny. And, for the sake of your self-respect, move out as quickly as possible so you can start living a normal life. You may need to find a roommate, but anything would be better than this.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I took our granddaughters, 16 and 13, on a two-week cruise to Europe this past summer. We had a wonderful time with them. To make a long story short, the 16-year-old, "Megan," confided to us that she's afraid of failing.

She's a straight-A student and a perfectionist when it comes to her classes. We want to make sure we use the correct words with her. These girls are precious to us, and we're very close. Megan sent us an emotional thank-you note for the trip, as did her sister. She seems to do all the right things. We just don't want her to put excessive pressure on herself.

We're almost 80, and they keep us young. Those girls rock our world. Could you tell us how to handle this? -- LOVING GRANDMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRANDMA: Tell Megan that you love her and she rocks your world. Then assure her your feelings about her will never change regardless of whether she succeeds or fails at whatever she does. Nobody wants to fail, but most successful people will tell you they learned more from their failures than they did from their successes. Tell her that worse than failure is being so afraid that she isn't willing to try. Then advise her to talk to her parents about her fears, or a counselor at school if she needs more help.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old, single male who recently graduated from college. I received lots of congratulations in person and by phone, text and social media.

One of them came from a woman my age named "Bree." When I responded, I didn't recall ever having friended her but learned she's a cousin who lives back east. Apparently, her mother and my father are siblings. When I asked my father about it, he got very defensive and told me whoever it was I spoke to is a complete and total liar. Ordinarily, I might have agreed, but his reaction tells me there's a lot more to this.

I want to find out more. Neither of my parents will say a word about it, and I don't know why. When I told them I plan to travel to the East Coast and meet Bree, I was told I may not be welcomed back if I do! This makes me wonder what horrible thing could have happened that would make a father consider disowning his son.

Because my father won't share the truth with me, I am left with only this option. Pursue this, find part of my family I never knew existed and learn something, but lose the family I have and regret it forever. Any insight? -- LOST COUSIN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COUSIN: I can offer insight, but not a roadmap for how to proceed. Family secrets can be devastating. That your father reacted so strongly shows how threatened he is that you might uncover something he isn't proud of.

As a college graduate, I am sure you are familiar with the myth about Pandora's box. While you may not lose your father if you delve into this, you may find that when you do, your image of him may be shattered. If you really feel you will "regret it forever" if you do, then make sure you are prepared for the possible penalty.

DEAR ABBY: My only son and his wife had their first baby recently. My daughter-in-law treats me terribly. She's hypercritical of what I do or say. I am usually so blindsided I don't have much of a reply.

When I attempted to help out with the laundry, cleaning, etc., I was met with more criticism and advice on how to perform those tasks. She also says I don't know how to properly hold an infant. Abby, I have raised five grown children! How can I change this situation? -- PUNISHED FOR WANTING TO HELP

DEAR PUNISHED: Remind your daughter-in-law that you're just trying to help her. She may not have been critical of your efforts as much as trying to convey how she would like those tasks done. However, if you can't please her, take the hint and stop offering.

She may be a nervous new mother, but she appears to have gone overboard to the point of being tactless. The next time she tells you you don't know how to hold a baby, point out that you managed to raise five of them safely to adulthood. Then back off and give her some space because she may be hormonal and need it.

DEAR ABBY: Twelve years ago, I taught a boy I'll call Brandon in my first-grade class. I was very fond of him, and we had a strong connection. I knew Brandon had a tough home life and did my best to provide him a safe place in my classroom. I stayed in contact with his aunt over the years on social media because she had been a co-worker of my mother's, and we would occasionally discuss how Brandon was doing.

As he grew older, he began to associate with a bad crowd. He got in more and more trouble at school and eventually dropped out. A few months later, he was sent to prison for a violent crime.

His aunt has asked me to send Brandon a letter because he had always thought so much of me as his teacher. Without giving it much thought, I agreed.

Well, my husband is very opposed to the idea of me contacting Brandon. We have two young children with special needs, and I'm now a stay-at-home mom so I can help my children. My husband thinks I'm already dealing with too much stress, and he doesn't like the idea of a man who has been convicted of violence being in contact with me.

I am torn about what's the right thing to do. I feel like I am abandoning Brandon like so many others in his life, but I also see my husband's point. Abby, please help me to decide what to do. -- CONFLICTED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CONFLICTED: I think you should write Brandon one letter of encouragement. In it, tell him how highly you thought of him when he was in your class because he probably hasn't received many compliments for a long time.

Point out that although he is physically incarcerated, his mind doesn't have to be, and suggest he direct his efforts toward improving his life once he is released. Furthering his education now would be a way to accomplish it, and if there's an opportunity for him to earn a degree while he's inside, he should take it. Also, if there are any books you or his aunt think he might find helpful or inspiring, recommend them.

Close your letter by explaining to Brandon that you have no time for correspondence now because you are caring for two special-needs children, but you did want to reach out this once and you will keep him in your prayers.

DEAR ABBY: I wanted to write you in response to letters you have published in your column about stressful, traditional, iron-clad holiday celebrations becoming too much for the hosts.

For most of 40 years, my parents hosted all holiday dinners, which were attended by as many as 14 people. My wife and I finally said, "No more!" We made reservations for Thanksgiving at a nice restaurant and hosted the family. It was beautiful -- family, food, cocktails and no preparation or cleanup. Mom and Dad said it was the best Thanksgiving they could remember. We thought so, too. Just sayin'. -- SHARING A MEMORY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SHARING: I'm sure your parents enjoyed the process of entertaining the family for the many years they did it. But it is also nice when someone else does the work. I'm printing your letter so other readers can see there is more than one way to skin a cat -- or enjoy a turkey with stuffing.

DEAR READERS: Here we go again. This is my annual reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday. Don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour at bedtime tonight. And while you're at it, remember to change the batteries in your fire alarms and smoke detectors.