life

Concern Over Woman's Health Grows to the Point of Action

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker I work closely with. Almost every day I hear her throwing up in the bathroom. It happens like clockwork. It's gotten to the point where I'm extremely concerned. Although it has been going on for years, it seems to have gotten worse.

I don't feel comfortable enough to bring this up to her, but something has to happen. I'm afraid I'll embarrass her, make her quit, etc., but her life is more important than that. We are both in management positions, but I am not her superior (in case that changes your advice about what to do or who to tell). Do I mention this to HR? Our boss runs his mouth a lot, and I don't know if I can say anything without it getting around. -- WORRIED FOR HER

DEAR WORRIED: I wonder if anyone else you work with has noticed what you have. Talk to someone in HR and explain that you're concerned that a fellow employee (unnamed) may suffer from a life-threatening illness and need help. Point out the time the person goes into the bathroom "like clockwork," and let HR try to get her the medical intervention she so desperately appears to need. Throwing up repeatedly can result in damage to the digestive tract.

Health & SafetyWork & School
life

Teen Refuses to Join Friends in Vaping

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a young teenage dancer. My friends in dance class are wonderful except for one thing. Four of them hide in our dressing rooms, bathroom and anywhere else they won't be seen to smoke e-cigarettes.

My one close friend asked me once if I wanted to try it. When I said no, she knew better than to press further. Other friends keep telling me it's fun. I know if I did it and my parents found out, they would kill me. Plus, I don't want to get caught up in that deadly cycle.

What should I do? Tell my teacher and risk losing friends or leave it alone? After all, it's only hurting them, right? -- BAFFLED AT BALLET

DEAR BAFFLED: You are an intelligent young lady to recognize that "sampling" tobacco products can lead to addiction. Good for you!

When the government, in its wisdom, finally clamped down on the tobacco companies in an attempt to prevent yet another generation from becoming addicted, I thought that would be the end of it. Imagine my consternation when they came out with flavored vaping fluids to seduce more young people. It's shameless!

Rather than tell the teacher, talk to your parents about what's going on so they can quietly mention it to the parents of the other girls.

AddictionHealth & SafetyTeens
life

Grownup Balks at Eating "Veggies"

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Why has the word "veggies" replaced "vegetables"? When people say "veggies," to me it sounds like they are talking to a child. -- GROWNUP EATER IN GEORGIA

DEAR EATER: It's probably because "vegetables" has at least three syllables and people have a tendency to shorten words that have more than one syllable. It may also be because parents think it's a way of making them appear more palatable to small children.

life

Best Friend's Loyalty May Be Shifting in Middle School Drama

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 31st, 2018 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I'm in middle school. "Jill" has been my best friend for 11 years. She has always been shy, while I am outgoing. Recently, she has been hanging out with the class "ho," "Kelly," and I'm being more and more left out. Kelly is turning Jill into a slut, too. Jill isn't excited to hang with me anymore and prefers to be with Kelly's friends smoking or drinking.

Jill still calls us best friends, but I'm afraid she'll betray me and tell Kelly everything we talk about. We used to make fun of Kelly for being a slut. Now I feel like I can't open up to my best friend. It hurts to see them together and not inviting me to things. What do I do? -- TOTALLY LEFT OUT

DEAR LEFT OUT: Calling a girl a slut or a "ho" is a form of bullying. It won't bring Jill back to you or closer to you. In fact, it will likely do the opposite.

Because you feel you are no longer as close to Jill as you were, recognize that it's time to widen your circle of friends and explore activities that do not involve her or Kelly. The more friends you make, the less dependent you will be on one person.

Work & SchoolFriends & Neighbors
life

Wife Is Flabbergasted by Husband's Refusal to Friend Her

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 31st, 2018 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: What does it say about a man when he won't accept a friend request on Facebook from his wife of 20 years?

He has been unfaithful in the past. He has several hundred friends on there from all over the country as he travels a lot. But he not only refuses to accept my request, he also refuses to say why.

I'm new to Facebook; he has been on for years. I don't have many friends because I've been pretty isolated, and now I want to reconnect. But if my own husband won't accept my friend request, should I even bother trying to friend anyone else? Oh, and if I friend any of my old male friends, he'll accuse me of cheating, even though that's his thing, not mine. -- NO FOLLOWERS IN THE WEST

DEAR NO FOLLOWERS: Following your husband on Facebook is the least of your problems. You already know he is secretive and has cheated on you. If you feel isolated, you have the right to reach out to anyone your heart desires, whether they're male or female.

Oh, and one more thing. If he accuses you of cheating, it may be because he has or is. Do you really need me to tell you that if you're unhappy you need to talk with a licensed therapist about it? Please consider it.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Are There Rules for Stretching in Public?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 31st, 2018 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Is it considered rude to stretch in public? -- STEPHANIE IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR STEPHANIE: I suppose it depends upon what someone is stretching. If it attracts attention or causes distraction, I suppose it is rude, but I wouldn't consider it a social transgression worthy of incarceration.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Trick or Treat!

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 31st, 2018 | Letter 4 of 4

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be out trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Man Says He Wants Divorce, But Doesn't Leave the House

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 30th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We've had our share of ups and downs, but always managed to work our way through them. Last year, he decided he no longer wanted to be married, saying the last 20 years "were not all that pleasant" and "we have never really gotten along." (As far as I know, there isn't another woman.)

My problem is, for the most part, he still acts like he wants to be married. He has made no attempt to leave, tells me his comings and goings, asks me to have dinner together, etc. However, he sleeps on the couch and there's no sex. He says he does this because he hopes we can stay friends after the divorce.

I have yet to be served with divorce papers, so I'm thinking it may be a midlife crisis. Am I misreading his signals and he'll snap out of it, or am I being strung along? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE USA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You are confused because your husband is sending you mixed messages. Could he be having performance issues? Do you still love him? I ask because nowhere in your letter did you mention it. The two of you are overdue for an honest discussion about whether your marriage is salvageable. If it isn't, ask him when and if he plans to file for the divorce, because this situation has left you in limbo, which is unfair to you. Then consult an attorney to ensure you get a fair shake.

Health & SafetySex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Migraines Interfere With Making Plans

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 30th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a young adult who suffers from migraines, which make it difficult to have much of a social life. My family and close friends know about them and are supportive and understanding. However, I'm a private person and don't like talking about it with new people.

It's hard to make friends and go on dates when I know I might have to flake out at the last minute due to a migraine. What's a good way to gracefully bow out of plans without seeming like a flake? Or should I just tell new people about my migraines? -- HURTING IN NEW YORK

DEAR HURTING: Suffering from migraines is nothing to be ashamed of. More than 12 percent of people in the U.S. share your problem. While I don't think it's necessary to make an announcement about it when you meet someone, I do think you should tell the truth if you must cancel an engagement.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Youngest Sibling Gets No Respect

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 30th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of four children. Every Sunday, our family gets together for Sunday dinner, a tradition I have loved since I was a kid, although lately, I have grown less fond of Sundays. Here is why: I am now 30 and the tallest sibling in my family, yet I am made to feel as though I am the smallest.

No one listens to me; no one asks my advice. I could be at the table with my finger up my nose and I don't think anyone would even notice. I say things and no one acknowledges me. Sometimes I feel as though I don't even exist. It's as if because I'm the youngest, I have no importance. What can I do to change this? -- PATIENCE RUNNING THIN

DEAR PATIENCE: Allow me to suggest that at the next Sunday dinner you speak up loud and clear and say exactly that. And if nothing changes, make other plans for Sunday.

Family & Parenting

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