DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Grace," and I have been happily married for 48 years. We're retired and enjoy an active sex life. Grace has a female friend, "Ricky," we have known more than 45 years. She's a close friend, and they often get together for lunch.

Ricky has been an out lesbian for many years and, in the past, had female companions. The problem is she repeatedly asks Grace to do things on Saturday evenings. She has also invited her to spend the night and tells her how much she loves her. My wife loves Ricky, too, but strictly as a friend and has not encouraged her in any way.

I'm not ordinarily the jealous type, but I'm convinced Ricky is in love with my wife. I have been tempted to tell her to quit making advances, but I don't want to cause the end of the friendship. I have told Grace how I feel, and she agrees. In fact, she has told me about some of the requests Ricky has made and she has rejected. I believe Ricky has crossed the line. What do you think? -- CROSSED THE LINE

DEAR CROSSED THE LINE: Your wife is not responsible for the fact that her longtime friend may be in love with her. I agree that asking your wife to spend the night is inappropriate, but Ricky may want more of Grace's time because she's simply single and lonely. The person to set boundaries would be your wife, who needs to tell her friend that her Saturday nights belong to you, and as much as she loves Ricky, she's unavailable as a romantic partner.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together nearly four years. When we got together, he was in the process of gaining custody of his daughter because his ex abused drugs. We have raised "Arlette" ever since, and her mother is out of the picture.

Arlette calls me Mom, and we have a strong bond. Her father and I have a very strained marriage. We separated several times because he was abusive. I have been giving serious thought to leaving him, but because I have no legal rights to Arlette, I stay. I lost custody of my own daughter because of his abuse, and although my older children don't care for him, they, too, have a very strong bond with his daughter.

I'm unhappy and I do not feel this marriage can be saved. I am at a loss, though, thinking about leaving his daughter. She's only 4. How do I move on with my life knowing I won't have a relationship with this child I consider my own? -- LIKE MY OWN DAUGHTER IN FLORIDA

DEAR LIKE MY OWN: Because of your husband's history of abuse, my first suggestion is to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at thehotline.org or by calling (800) 799-7233. Having lost custody of your own daughter because of his abuse, there is good reason to believe he would abuse Arlette if she is left alone with him. While you're at it, consider running this scenario past a social worker who is well versed in the ins and outs of the system.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons, 14 and 10. I just got married a year ago. My husband, "Kurt," has taken on the father role and does pretty well, although I think he sometimes goes a little overboard.

He and my oldest son, "Elijah," worked on a roof together, and because my son made $200 plus a $70 bonus, Kurt got upset with Elijah when he used his money to buy an Xbox. Kurt thinks Elijah should have bought clothes, toiletries and other things he needs because we aren't rich. I agree to an extent, but it's gotten out of hand.

Now Kurt is so upset that he doesn't want to give Elijah another opportunity to make more money for himself. He really made a huge stink about how Elijah spent his money. What to do? -- VERY FRUSTRATED MOM IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOM: "What to do" is to calmly and privately remind your husband that Elijah is 14, and his decisions are not always mature ones. Then suggest he and Elijah work out an agreement that in the future when Elijah earns money, a certain percentage of it will be put into savings, another portion will be used for necessities, and the rest can be used for items at his discretion. It's called budgeting, and it's an important lesson every teen should learn.

DEAR ABBY: My parents -- both in their early 90s -- have lived with me for three years because they need care. We have maintained their home all this time, but they will never be able to return there.

Although my parents are somewhat cognizant, both suffer with mild dementia and haven't been back to their house for nearly two years. We have enlisted the help of an auctioneer and are planning to sell their house and much of the belongings and furniture. Our dilemma is whether or not to tell them. I'm not sure whether it's kinder to let them believe things are as they have been or tell them differently. -- WHAT'S RIGHT? IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WHAT'S RIGHT?: You say your parents suffer from mild dementia. The respectful thing to do would be to have a talk with them about it before you do anything. When you do, remind them that because it has been two years, and maintaining two households is so expensive, you think this would be the prudent thing to do.

You didn't mention whether you have your parents' power of attorney, but if you don't, you should discuss what you're planning to do with your lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I thought I'd share this in reference to the Aug. 22 letter from "Bedroom Secret," the religious man who feels guilty for using graphic language while making love with his wife. It reminded me of a joke about a young married couple who asked their clergyman if it was a sin to have sex before Sunday morning church services. His reply: "It's fine as long as you don't block the aisle." -- CHUCKLING IN RUTLAND, VERMONT

DEAR CHUCKLING: Funny! Your joke reminds me of a quote from the late playwright Oscar Wilde, who said, "I have no objection to anyone's sex life as long as they don't practice it in the street and frighten the horses."

DEAR ABBY: It's been several years since you have mentioned Because I Love You (B.I.L.Y.) as a resource for parents in crisis. What is happening to our groups -- as well as similar ones -- is a decrease in attendance. Yet the problems today are worse than when I started B.I.L.Y. many years ago. The schools don't want a group such as ours on their campus because they're afraid it signals that there are problems on their campus. Well, there are problems on all campuses today!

The legalization of recreational marijuana has sent a message to our youth that it's safe to use. Parents of 10-year-olds have come to our group because their child is using. Kids are dying at a faster pace than ever before, and much of it is because of synthetic drugs on the streets. Parents can be a major part of the problem, and a group like B.I.L.Y. offers suggestions for solutions. It's not just drugs that we deal with but also mental health issues, gender ID, school dropouts, gang involvement and more.

We rely on the media to help us with referrals. Will you please consider mentioning B.I.L.Y. again as you so generously have in the past? Parents in the U.S. and Canada need to be aware that we are here for them. Thanks, Abby! -- DENNIS PONCHER, FOUNDER, B.I.L.Y.

DEAR DENNIS: I'm happy to mention Because I Love You again. Readers, the nonprofit B.I.L.Y. has been in existence for more than 35 years. This self-help group provides support for parents of children of all ages in coping with behavioral problems such as truancy, substance abuse and other forms of defiance of authority. I have received letters from readers thanking me for recommending this group. For more information, go to bily.org.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 13 years. It hasn't always been easy. She recently decided on her own that we needed a fresh start because of some financial problems we are having, so she applied for a job in a state six hours away from any of our family. She accepted the job before telling me anything about it. Now she says our daughter and I should pack up and go with her.

Several issues complicate matters. Our daughter is 11 and just started middle school. I don't want to pull her out before school is out. Second, I have several health issues, and my doctors are within two hours of home. All my doctors coordinate with each other. If we move, I'll be too far away from them. I don't want to start over with new ones.

I love my wife and want to be with her, but I'm worried about the future if I move not only away from my doctors but also my family. Please help. -- NERVOUS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NERVOUS: The decision your wife made should have been made jointly, not by her alone. Your reasons for wanting to remain where you are are valid, and I think you would be wise to discuss what's going on with an attorney before this goes any further.