DEAR ABBY: My husband, "John," recently returned from his fourth Middle East tour after having been gone for a year. As soon as he got back, his mother invited him and his two sisters on a vacation cruise for a week. He said yes, and they'll be leaving in a couple of weeks. The downside is -- no spouses allowed.

John and I are in our mid-40s. We have been married 25 years. I feel slighted, left out and, frankly, disrespected. I'm not sure how to bring this up to him or to his mom. I don't want to cause my husband, who is currently going through a difficult reintegration process, any stress. And I don't want to cause drama with his mother, who will regard my speaking up as an offense to her gesture for her children. Please help. Do I just keep my hurting mouth shut? -- HURTING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HURTING: Because your husband is having a difficult time reintegrating, I do think you should keep your mouth closed. The reason you and the other spouses weren't invited may have been the cost involved. If it wasn't, then Mama may have wanted her "brood" around her and no one else.

You say you and your husband have been married 25 years. That would make you a military wife. By definition, military wives are resilient and independent. If you feel you will be at loose ends while your husband is with his mother and siblings, I suggest you and the other "excluded spouses" plan some activities together to pass the time. If you all like each other, you could have a ball.

Later, when the time is right, you and your husband could plan a private getaway just for the two of you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for almost a year to an amazing man who surprised me with a stunning, large engagement ring. I'm a modest, humble person and often find myself hiding the ring because -- although I love it -- I don't like the attention it brings. My proud mother-in-law often brags about the ring to others. She recently started working at the same place I do and has been showing off the ring (on my finger) to my co-workers. It makes me very uncomfortable because I like to stay as professional as possible.

My mother-in-law is so sweet that I don't want to hurt her feelings. I also don't want to stop wearing my ring to work because it is so special to me. What do I do? -- SPARKLES PLENTY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SPARKLES PLENTY: It's a little late to do anything now because most of your co-workers have probably seen your ring. What you should have done when your mother-in-law first drew attention to it was take her aside and ask her privately to stop because you are a humble person and also concerned it might incite jealousy.

DEAR ABBY: Is there such thing as love at first sight? -- A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS

DEAR PENNY: There is such a thing as strong mutual attraction at first sight. But love doesn't happen in an instant. Love requires actually getting to know someone.

DEAR ABBY: I am conflicted about boundaries being crossed between my family therapist and me. My 7-year-old son and I have been seeing someone we both bonded with and felt comfortable with. That is, until the therapist and I found each other on an online dating site.

We matched a few months ago. Once I realized it was him, I felt embarrassed and blocked him on the site. He sent me an email within three minutes acknowledging that he knew it was me. He said he thought I was "awesome" and that I look better in person than in my pics. I was so embarrassed I didn't respond.

A couple of months went by and neither of us brought it up. My son invited him to his birthday party and he did attend. It wasn't until later that I realized therapists are not supposed to attend social events with patients. We also text often, during late-night hours.

A couple of weeks after my son's birthday party he tried matching with me again on the dating site. I was surprised and sent him a text asking him what he was doing. He responded by asking me if I was enjoying it, but did not answer my question. I do have a slight crush on him, but I'm not sure what his intentions are. I am aware that it's unethical. -- UNETHICAL CRUSH

DEAR UNETHICAL: You are correct that what the therapist has been doing is a breach of professional ethics. There is a reason for it. Patients are extremely vulnerable to manipulation.

When the online flirtation first started, you should have changed therapists. Heaven only knows how many other patients he has done this with. My advice is to draw the line, establish a working relationship with another therapist, and decide whether you want to report him to the association that licensed him to practice. You may have a crush on him, but what he is doing is predatory.

DEAR ABBY: Common manners are going extinct quicker than the dinosaurs did. I was raised to open doors, stand up for women sitting down at the table, etc. Nowadays opening the door for most women feels like getting slapped in the face. There is no acknowledgment of any kind.

Has our society disintegrated that far? These days if I open the door for someone and she doesn't acknowledge the courtesy, I say, "Thank you!" loud enough for her to hear and watch the reaction. I'm waiting for someone to slap me one day. -- GOOD MANNERS IN TEXAS

DEAR GOOD MANNERS: I agree that when a courtesy is extended, it should be acknowledged. However, if it isn't, shouting at someone is rude and makes you appear more like a petulant boor rather than the genteel individual your parents raised you to be.

P.S. When a gentleman opens a door for me -- old-fashioned girl that I am -- I always thank him. Then I add, "You were raised right!" which is true, and we go our separate ways with a smile.

DEAR ABBY: I am an unemployed (and looking) 24-year-old male who is the oldest of four. My three sisters are a 20-year-old who has a part-time job and goes to college, a 14-year-old and a 12-year-old. We all live at home with our physician parents.

Our longtime cleaning lady recently quit, and my parents seemingly have no interest in hiring a replacement. My sisters and my father don't help with the chores because they are seen as either too young or too busy. At most, they will unload groceries or assist in cooking a meal. My mother encourages this and does a fair amount of the work herself, but she has a job, so I'm frequently told to handle the dishes, cooking, pickups and drop-offs for after-school activities, garbage and recycling, groceries, miscellaneous errands (usually picking up things at the pharmacy) and occasional child care.

I get no sympathy or help. My sisters don't even bother to rinse their plates properly. They just leave them piled in the sink for someone else, and my mother recently yelled at me for "giving her attitude" when I hadn't said a word.

This situation is making it harder for me to get a job because I'm tired all the time, and my parents don't listen to a word I say. I'm not unaware of the fact that as the oldest, more is expected of me, but I think this is well past the point of what's expected. What should I do? -- OVERWORKED IN NEW YORK

DEAR OVERWORKED: Start reviewing your options. The first thing you need to do is understand why you are unemployed. If there are no openings in your field, start considering other kinds of jobs you may be suited for.

If you want to be something more than an unpaid domestic worker, you may have to figure out what it will take for you to live on your own -- perhaps with a roommate or two. Even if you don't find the ideal job, employment will solve your problem because you will be too busy working to do the things you're being required to do now.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon, and I'm thrilled to have found love. I have ex-co-workers I want to be there. I also have longtime friends who still work with me. The problem is they gossip at work all the time. I know if they attend my wedding, there will be trouble in my work life and friendships.

How can I tell them not to gossip at work about who was at my wedding or who I excluded? How can I tell them this is my day and I should be able to have the pleasure of being surrounded by friends and loved ones without worrying about attendees being mean? Please help. -- TIRED OF GOSSIP

DEAR TIRED: You are focusing on the wrong thing. Concentrate on enjoying your special day. You can't control what other people will or will not do. If you are asked after the wedding why someone was absent, respond that budgetary limitations prevented you from including everyone you would have liked to invite. If you do, it will appear to be less of a popularity contest.