DEAR ABBY: I found out a month ago that my wife and my best friend had a relationship 40 years ago when we were in our 20s. My friend hinted about it, so I asked him point blank and he confessed.

Obviously, if you can't trust someone, he's not your friend. My question is, should I ask my wife to tell me what went on or just sweep it under the rug and move forward?

Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what happened to make her stray, or how long the affair went on under my nose. I tried talking to her about it right after I found out, but she started crying, which is one of my weaknesses. I don't like making folks upset, so I took the blame because I wasn't a very good husband. We married very young, and I wasn't ready. So, what do I do? -- HURT AND ANGRY

DEAR H AND A: I would love to know your "friend's" motivation for hinting so broadly that he'd had an affair with your wife that you'd ask him point blank. He seems more a troublemaker than a stalwart friend to me.

If you have had a happy 40-year marriage, I think you should let it remain so. OK, so neither of you were angels. "Divorce" the "friend" and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 30, married and the only female analyst in an office with 12 men. I love my job and I enjoy working here, but it is very hard to prove yourself as a woman in a male-dominated industry.

There is one other woman in my office, a recently divorced administrator I barely know. She's very open about her online dating and sex life, and I am at a loss. I feel it's extremely inappropriate for her to share detailed information with me in the workplace. I'm also afraid the guys will hear her and take me less seriously as a professional and equal.

I have tried politely changing the subject, ignoring her or avoiding her, but nothing seems to work. I don't want to embarrass her by telling her flat out to not discuss her sex life with me, but I'm not sure what else I can do. What would you suggest? -- COVERING MY EARS

DEAR COVERING: What the woman is doing can be considered sexual harassment, and in most sizable businesses -- yours appears to be one -- there are policies in place to protect employees. I suggest you tell her that hearing about her sexual escapades makes you uncomfortable and to please stop. And if she doesn't, discuss it with either human resources or your employer.

DEAR ABBY: My gentleman friend and I are senior citizens who live together. We have acquired a dog and cat. I pay for the cat's food, vaccinations and litter. He pays for the dog's food and vaccinations.

Last week my boyfriend accidentally slammed the door on the cat's tail. Part of it had to be amputated, and the bill for surgery, drugs, cone, etc. came close to $400. Neither of us is hurting financially. Who do you think should foot this bill? -- MOTHER OF FUR BABIES

DEAR MOTHER: That poor kitty! I not only think your "gentleman" friend should foot the bill, I think he should have volunteered to do it. If he didn't, shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I are middle-aged women. Throughout our long friendship, I have been one of the few people in her life who was there for her as she dealt with boyfriend problems, elderly parents, serious illnesses, deaths, etc.

She became engaged for the first time recently, and asked me to go out of town with her to check out a potential wedding venue. While we were there, she looked away (wouldn't even look me in the eye) and announced that only her sister (with whom she doesn't get along) would be in her wedding party.

Although I was deeply disappointed, I said nothing. I was more disappointed about the way she made the announcement.

Since then, she has asked for my advice on everything from invitations to wedding etiquette, etc., instead of asking her sister, who lives out of state. At this point, I just want to be a guest at the wedding and enjoy seeing her get married. How do I bow out of this untitled role she has given me? -- BOWING OUT IN THE WEST

DEAR BOWING OUT: If your friend had felt good about making the announcement, she wouldn't have hesitated to look you in the eye. I suspect that she included her sister -- who she doesn't get along with -- in her wedding party because of pressure from relatives.

Because you feel her questions should more appropriately be answered by the sister, tell your friend -- as kindly as possible -- she should be asking her maid of honor, who is "only a phone call away."

DEAR ABBY: I fell in love with my first crush 30 years ago. We both felt the same way, but because I was six years younger than him, my parents didn't approve. We lost contact, and over the years, I would sometimes wonder what had happened to him. Last week his cousin found me on Facebook, and I was able to video call him. We were filled with emotion and realized our feelings haven't changed.

We both have families. I'm divorced with two young adults. He's married with three young adults. I don't want to cause him any problems, and yet, I'm willing to let it play out and see what happens. All I want is just to see him again, but I'm afraid of what will happen. Please tell me what to do! -- FULL OF EMOTIONS

DEAR FULL OF EMOTIONS: The problem with making important decisions when we are "full of emotions" is they're usually impulsive and the wrong choice. Consider this: You and this man are adults with responsibilities to others. If you see him and he still feels the same as you stated, it may be the start of an affair and the end of his marriage.

If it's an affair, you will be his side dish and unable to form a meaningful relationship with anyone else for years. If divorce is involved, his wife and children will be collateral damage. Because I'm not sure you have the strength to keep your distance if you meet him, ask him to include his wife and family when you do, and bring along your children.

DEAR ABBY: My son has taken it upon himself to get romantically involved with two different married women. He's newly divorced after a long marriage and hates the idea of being alone. He says he loves them both, but realizes there's no future with either one, so he's trying to extricate himself from the jam he's gotten into. The problem is, the women refuse to let go, and it's causing all sorts of problems. Any ideas? -- DAD IN THE MIDDLE IN NEW YORK

DEAR DAD: If you are smart, you'll stay out of this mess. Hasn't it occurred to you that if your son was truly unhappy with the situation, he -- not you -- would have sought help for his problem?

He doesn't love either of those women; he loves what he's getting from them -- attention, companionship, sex. Because they are married, he doesn't have to worry about them wanting a commitment from him as a single woman might. If he really wanted to stop these dolls from "stalking" him, he would threaten to make their husbands aware of what's been going on, and that would be the end of it.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer. My two older sisters are away in college, and my dad works all the time. How should I balance taking care of Mom, doing schoolwork and playing field hockey? I wish I could give each task my full attention, but I'm not going to be home much because of school. -- JUGGLING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JUGGLING: I am sure your mother's diagnosis has caused stress for every member of your family, including those who are away, and for that I am sorry. You are so young, and I can only imagine the stress you are feeling.

If you were discussing this with your mother, I am sure she would tell you -- as I am -- how important it is that you keep up with your schoolwork and activities. You cannot assume the entire responsibility for her care by yourself. Who will help her during her treatments, and how much time you should realistically devote, is something both your parents should help you to determine. None of you will really know how much assistance she'll require until the process is started, so be flexible and take things a step at a time.

DEAR ABBY: My mom owns two successful women's clothing stores near my hometown that she's had for more than 10 years. The problem is, she named them after me, and I hate it!

I've tried talking to her about it many times, but every time I bring it up she gets sarcastic, says things like, "This is a fun conversation," and doesn't let me get a word out. I have tried talking to the rest of my family about it, but they don't consider it a big deal and tell me I'm being ridiculous. I have run out of ideas about what to do, so if you could give me some advice, it would really help. -- ANGRY DAUGHTER

DEAR ANGRY DAUGHTER: Many daughters would consider what your mother did to be a compliment. However, because it bothers you so much, consider going by your middle name. And, if that doesn't satisfy you, and you feel strongly enough about this, go to court and legally change your name to another one you like when you reach adulthood.