life

Man's Loyalty to Roommate Jeopardizes His Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 23rd, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Mason" for almost two years. I moved in with him a few months back, and things have been very good between us. I know he's The One, and I'd marry him right now if he'd ask.

My problem is his roommate, "Ryan." Mason has hinted about a proposal in the near future, which is something I used to want until recently, when I brought up a concern of mine about his roommate.

Ryan has lived with Mason for more than 10 years. Ryan is a grown, healthy man who hasn't had a regular job during the entire 10 years he's lived with my boyfriend. Mason says he depends on Ryan's $500 monthly rent payment to keep up with the lifestyle he's used to having. I want to go further in our relationship without a third person, but when I brought it up, I was made out to be the bad guy and accused of not liking Ryan -- which I consider a red flag.

Would it be unfair to break up with Mason because he's so fond of -- and dependent upon -- his longtime friend/roommate and the $500 rent? I don't want to give him an ultimatum. I adore him and wish he was as fond of me as he is his roommate. I want us to depend on each other and experience life like a normal couple without a third party. We both work, and I'm starting to resent Ryan, who I feel has no intention of moving on. Should I move out and walk away because I find it weird? -- "BAD GUY" GIRLFRIEND

DEAR B.G.G.: Before moving out and walking away, have another discussion with Mason. Ask him if he envisions a future with all three of you in it, and what that means. And while you're at it, ask him why he feels he needs Ryan's $500 since both of you are working and there should be no reduction in his lifestyle if Ryan moves out. In fact, there should be an improvement if you split all the bills. If Mason still can't agree to part with Ryan, then move out and walk away because he's already taken.

MoneyFriends & NeighborsLove & Dating
life

Sister Takes Her Inheritance off the Wall in Mother's Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 23rd, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My mother has dementia. My sister came to visit. The day after she left to return to Georgia, I noticed a picture was missing from the wall. When I called and asked her about it, she said it was "her inheritance" and Mom had given it to her "a long time ago." I think it was stealing. Mom has no idea it's gone. What do you think? -- THROWN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR THROWN: If it wasn't theft, your sister would have discussed it with you before she took the picture rather than "disappear" the item. However, in the interest of family harmony, it's important to carefully pick your battles.

I wish you had mentioned who will be in charge of your mother's estate after her death. Because you live closer to her, I assume it will be you. If it's a family lawyer, in the interest of a fair division of the assets, that person should be notified so the picture can be properly appraised.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

School's Homecoming Rules Put Teen in Awkward Position

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 22nd, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Homecoming is next month, and we are not allowed to take outside dates. My girlfriend goes to a different school and doesn't want me taking anyone else. My school is very small (only 60 kids in the whole high school) and not asking a girl to the dance is frowned upon. It's the custom to ask one of your classmates to homecoming.

My girlfriend grew up in a bigger school where homecoming is much more important. She's convinced I'm going to be someone else's Prince Charming for the night. What she can't understand is that it's nothing like that where I go. Taking someone to the dance at my school isn't romantic -- it's a gentlemanly thing to do. You pick any girl who hasn't been asked and go with her.

I'd like to ask someone -- as friends only -- to the homecoming dance, but my girlfriend gets incredibly upset when I talk about it. Please tell me what to do. -- ONLY A DANCE IN TEXAS

DEAR ONLY A DANCE: Your girlfriend needs to be less controlling and more understanding. You have already explained that not taking someone to the homecoming dance is frowned upon in your community. So what if you are "someone else's Prince Charming" for one evening? Your girlfriend can't attend, so why not be a good sport and let you make someone happy for one night? What you should do is go to the dance and, if your girlfriend still doesn't understand, ask your mother to explain it to her "woman to woman."

Holidays & CelebrationsWork & SchoolTeensLove & Dating
life

Neighbor's Cat Roams Freely, Spreading Infection

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 22nd, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I live in a duplex, and my neighbor has a cat I'll call "Sox" that's positive for feline immunodeficiency virus (FIV). I'm a cat lover with a kitty of my own.

To prevent the spread of infection, FIV cats are never supposed to be allowed outside, but my neighbor lets Sox come and go as he pleases. Abby, he comes to our house and uses our cat door to access our cat food and water bowl. I know Sox is at times left without food and water, so I'm reluctant to restrict his access to our food, but my cat has picked up respiratory infections because Sox contaminated the bowl. I also have to get my cat tested for FIV during his annual exams, at an added cost of $60.

My question: Would it be fair of me to request that my neighbor pay for some or all of the extra expenses associated with treatment and testing due to the FIV exposure? I have asked if she could offer Sox my brand of kibble at her house so he'll be less interested in coming to our house unless he really needs food or water. She refused. I'm not sure if I'm asking too much, or if I should expect her to work with me to help offset the costs of her free-roaming, FIV-infected kitty. -- FELINE CARE

DEAR FELINE: Under the circumstances, I don't think it's unfair to ask your irresponsible neighbor to cooperate with you on this. However, if she wouldn't spring for something as simple as the kibble, don't hold your breath.

The solution to your problem is to make Sox's access to your home impossible by securing the cat door. And if her cat is mingling with and possibly infecting other cats in the neighborhood, call Animal Control and report it.

Health & SafetyFriends & Neighbors
life

Accident Ends Couple's Plan to Have Children Together

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 21st, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years older than my boyfriend, "Spencer," and have two kids from a previous marriage. Spencer and I have been living together for the past 10 years.

I planned to have his child, but was involved in an accident and now can no longer have kids. He blames me nearly every day for having "experienced life" while he hasn't. He wants kids, and mine are mine -- not his. He calls me ugly names now and is physically and emotionally abusive.

I love Spencer very much, and I feel deeply hurt. It wasn't my choice to be infertile, but he truly hates me for it. I get choked and pushed and have bruises the next day. Do I just give up and leave him after so many years of harmony?

This has only gotten extremely bad over the past year. My gut says he's involved with a girl at work who is giving him bad advice. She's 12 years younger than he is. I have caught them texting and talking together in our car at his job. Please help me with some advice. -- LOST SOUL IN OREGON

DEAR LOST SOUL: I'll try. You should have drawn the line the first time Spencer became abusive. For the sake of your children -- not to mention your own safety -- tell him he has to leave. That's what he's really trying to do, force you to end what has become a toxic relationship so he won't have to take the responsibility. Because his priority is having children "of his own," he needs to move on and, frankly, so do you.

Work & SchoolAbuseFamily & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Retired Grandma Is Ready to Take It Easy

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 21st, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am not one of those fit, active, socially involved and sexy senior citizens. I had a hard childhood, was a busy wife and mother and, for decades, worked at jobs I hated. I spent years longing for the day when I could retire and read, read, read without feeling guilty about taking time for myself.

Now that I'm retired, my baby boomer cohort seems to feel we seniors should all be wonder women and men. Worse, my millennial children seem to agree. Is there a succinct and polite way to tell them all to go take a flying leap? I'm perfectly OK with being fat, happy and a source of entertainment for my grandchildren, who are -- fortunately -- too small to be judgmental. -- OLD-FASHIONED IN OHIO

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Those who appear to be nagging you are well-intentioned and concerned about you. So be polite and smile when you respond that you know they mean well, but you have worked long and hard to finally be able to do exactly what you want to do -- which is nothing but read, read, read and enjoy your grandchildren.

That said, a person does not have to be Wonder Woman or Superman to devote half an hour five days a week to her or his health by walking. You could listen to an audiobook while you do it. In addition, you could also do something fun with your grandkids that incorporates a little bit of movement for all of you. Just sayin'.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety

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